February 20th, 2012

John Guidetti: The Decline & Fall Of Civilisation

Image: MARCO DE SWART/AFP/Getty Images.

You are witnessing the comission of a crime, Kickettes. This is Feyenoord Rotterdam’s striker John Guidetti, who was sent off in his side’s Eredivisie game vs. RKC Waalwijk after receiving a second yellow card.

For removing his shirt during a goal celebration.

Many football commentators might overlook the importance of such an incident, but we see the damage to the game, to Guidetti’s career and most importantly, our good selves this will inevitably cause.

The player, who is on loan from Manchester City, is unlikely to ever remove his shirt on the field of play again. His teammates and Eredivisie colleagues will see it as a warning and will remember the incident next time they score a vital goal for their side. Word will filter across the globe and before we know it, players will remain fully clothed at ALL times.

We will then have to rely on clandestine, in-changing-room camera football for our cheap thrills. Which may well kill us.

To paraphrase Edmund Burke, “All that is necessary for evil FIFA directives to triumph is good Kickettes to sit around and drink from hip flasks.”

Think on.

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17 Responses to “John Guidetti: The Decline & Fall Of Civilisation”

  1. gigi says:

    That rule is utter shite. Don't the higher-ups know how it's damaging female (and gay men's) footie morale? It's not like we're asking them to play shirtless the entire game (or are we?), we just want to enjoy the fruits of their spontaneous joy.

  2. SoccerDuckie says:

    After my anger died down, I noticed that the referee dude himself is pretty bonkable. Am working on ways to punish him for giving out that red card to poor ol John Guidetti.

  3. Jenni says:

    I shared this article on Facebook, where a very knowledgeable friend told me that this rule was brought in because if the shirt is removed, the sponsor's logo isn't visible! I always believed capitalism was destroying football, but I didn't realise it was ruining the fun side of it as well as the serious side!

    • DebS says:

      hmmm Now what if Kickette.com were to be the sponsor? Could we add a stipulation that the shirt MUST be removed after goals (and any other time Kickette may stipulate)? I'm sure many Kickettes would chip in to pay for the sponsorship, no?

  4. Jenni says:

    This article is brilliant! I have been saying this for years! I think some players should be encouraged to do it more than others. Maybe straight red for Wayne Rooney, but if Balotelli does it, City get a penalty?

  5. Carvivlie says:

    When is this madness going to end!

  6. Sarah, Madrid says:

    With everything that happens on the pitch, the stuff that referees overlook, you would think they overlook a player taking his shirt off during celebration, but noooooooooooo that's what 100% get you booked, ridiculous!

  7. Kristina says:

    Oh John, if you want Erik Hamrén to include you in the Swedish squad for the EC I don't think this is the way. But, you're looking good anyway. Where there are Swedes there are yumminess ;) .

  8. Mohit Bumb says:

    He always looks cool

  9. chay says:

    My question: Another yummy swede and no frontal shot? Ah Kickette … torture us a bit more!

    What's even worse is this rule. I agree with Liza: Rules are meant to be broken!

  10. liz says:

    what has the world come to

  11. blake2108 says:

    Pfft. Hate that rule with a passion.

  12. MissU Paolo says:

    Who do I write to? FIFA? UEFA? My congressman?? To equate shirtlessness to a reckless tackle is an outrage! SO UNFAIR!!!

    OK, lol, in all seriousness, really FIFA?? Balotelli's "Why Always Me" made the whole land chuckle but it deserved a yellow? On his 1st goal for Man City, David Silva takes his shirt off..only to reveal his underarmour. What a waste of my squee and a yellow card. That rule is so outdated.

  13. Lily says:

    Rules may be rules… BUT THIS RULE SUCKS!

  14. Jayy says:

    WHAT?!?! You cant send him off, the man's topless for pete's sake!