July 28th, 2010

Jose & Cris: Tanned, In Training

Having bought a piece of fence from home for comparison purposes, Jose Mourinho is surprised to learn that Cristiano Ronaldo’s tan has moved through ‘Rosewood’ and is now heading rapidly towards ‘Chestnut’.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

104 Responses to “Jose & Cris: Tanned, In Training”

  1. Abby says:

    LOL, I think he is headed more for Rustic Oak. End Goal is obviously Nut Brown….

  2. Elizabeth says:

    oh well, as long as he does not turn his color into " antique pine" we know it is from actual tanning, and no bad spray tan :-) )

  3. Sofiarun says:

    I like knowing about updates on soccer players. They are like stars. Fame is linked to playing soccer. A man can become a popular celebrity overnight by playing football. It is a known fact that football can put one in the limelight easily.

  4. Kickette Mods says:

    A number of comments has been deleted because the user was in repeated violation of our comment policy.

  5. Kristina says:

    That kind of tan makes me long for the likes of Iniesta and Messi :) .

  6. Zuhur says:

    This man gives me the chills, and not the good kind.
    His Jersey Shore wannabee tan is really unattractive IMO.
    Where’s Nando? xD

  7. Lisa says:

    What Ron and TSO use to tan themselves must be a Portuguese secret. My guess its Piri-Piri sauce. It has to be. How else does Ron get that roast chicken colour on him? No wonder we drool over him so much.

  8. Ines del Sol says:

    Kickette, that caption is win.

  9. Zhenya says:

    Omigosh those arms are smokin'!

  10. caitanya says:

    LOL @ “chestnut”! Stellar! Five stars for that one, Kickette!! :-)

    Tans are quite nice, but if CRon doesn’t watch it, he’s going to become like one of these guys: http://www.gossipsauce.com/files/gs_mintz_hamilton_valentino_081125_m.jpg. Too much sun dries out the skin and then he will be forced to turn to orange bottled goodness! But i’m speculating since he’s quite metro (or maybe gay?), he would know to moisturise and to use some sort of skin protection in the process.

    Mourinho is just still too good looking to criticise, tan or no tan. CRon will be lucky to age as nicely as JM :-)

    • Kaya says:

      I don’t think you’d fancy a 20-25 year old Mourinho.. haha.

      Mourinho was never that good looking to begin with, let alone putting him on the same level as CR, which quite frankly, nobody is.

      • Anonymous says:

        The Special One not that good-looking? I reckon it depends on what you mean by good-looking.

        Ok, he’s not beautiful like Yoann, I get that. But my Lord is JM hot. Hot hot hot. Hotter than the sun. Hot with dark hair. Hot with grey hair. Hot with longish hair. Hot with a buzz cut. I’m tempted to write a Dr. Seuss poem on how hot he is, but I’ll refrain.

      • Claire says:

        CR is not good looking. He has an AMAZING body, but his face is rather average.

  11. G says:

    Sooo, sooo tanned!!! I can see it now, this is gonna become the biggest rivalry inside Real Madrid. We should make a record of all their competitions: who is more tanned? who has the biggest ego? who is more "special"? who gets to practice earlier? who makes the press more mad? who is the better catholic? who is the hottest? (we now that one) who makes the biggest fit? MARK MY WORDS THIS IS GOING TO BE EPIC!!!!!!!

    • RONALIZA says:


    • Lisa says:

      Ronaldo has never been known to listen to what his coaches say. Jose is famous for controlling his players like puppets.

      Oil and Water I tell you… emphasis on OIL judging by that photo.

      lol that should be Real’s nickname for us non-Madridistas: Oil and Water Club de Fútbol.

  12. lala says:

    All I know is I hope some illigimate babies results from this stint in LA for ronaldo. Groupies throw out your birth control.

    • senora ramos says:

      future usmnters. i fully approve this idea!!

      • lala says:

        That's what I was thinking. It can be made up of his "love children".

        BTW whenever I read a story about his kid all I can think of is 50 cents song…"have baby by me, baby be a millionaire".

  13. JulieFromParis says:

    OMG !!!!!! On that Picture, Mourinho looks like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, LOL:

    (sorry for what’s next but IM ONLY QUOTING THE SERGEANT IN THE FILM)

    “Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f*****g walrus-looking piece of s***t! Get the f**k off of my obstacle! Get the f**k down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I’m going to rip your b**ls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle!!”

    Madridista Girls HELP IS REQUIRED HERE, Mourinho is going to kill our guys… lol

    • lulu says:

      She is indeed full of #win!!!

      I'd love to have a few (hundred) drinks with you girls ^^

      although i'm not exactly a madridista (oops)

    • senora ramos says:

      julie you are so full of win!!! quoting full metal jacket = you totally rock :D

      • juliefromparis says:

        Ah my sister! How are u?? as u can see, im still a bit on the «cracked» side lol.. Well, sergeant mourinho is ours now but im a bit woried really..

    • Lisa says:


      • juliefromparis says:

        Lisa, u totally captured this CR/JM moment with this quote! lol

      • senora ramos says:

        lisa, lol, that was perfect!

      • Barcelista says:

        ROFLMAO :D Lisa that was seriously spot on!!

      • Lisa says:

        thank you all. credit to JulieFromParis for setting up the joke. Although I don't quite get the GS Hartman comparison.

        If anything Jose coddles his players too much. He probably has wet dreams about screaming at his players like a Drill Sergeant.

  14. Zlatanista says:

    Judging by their expressions they seem a little pi**ed off by each other. So soon? The season haven´t even started and the two biggest egos in footy-world looks like they are about to start a brawl. Interresting…

    And the tan… yuk!!

  15. lilygold says:

    Jose : Eh Baby Papa, no one is more tanned than me,stay indoors and start feeding your Son STAT.[stupid boy]

    Baby Papa : Mama Mia, tanning much more important than feeding baby Christiano [ I will be rid of you in time Mr Mourhino, no one does chestnut better than me] Mama feed the Baby Chestnut Kid.

  16. rubyqueen says:

    mmmmmm you just made my day kickette’s.ronaldo in a vest showing his gorgeous arms.LUSH.:)

  17. Claire says:

    JOSE !!! <33 I should hate this man… I really should… but I want him in my bad nevertheless.

  18. Livera says:

    The special one & the Slutty one together in one club!

  19. senora ramos says:

    jose has the greatest facial expressions. lol!

  20. MadridistaJenn says:

    For anyone that is planning on stalking Real Madrid in the US, the hotness has landed! Cristiano Ronaldo! Kaka! Xabi Alonso! Sergio Ramos (swoon)! Iker Casillas! (Can you tell I’m excited?)Beverly Hills hotel? UCLA campus? I wish…


    • Liz says:

      i'm so mad i came home for the summer! i wish i were still in LA right now!

    • tammyv says:

      Normally Jose’s teams stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel and it is C-Ron’s hotel of choice. I am thanking god I no longer have to drive by it on my work commute because it will be a nightmare

  21. Six says:

    In spite of the color, I am so in love with Mourinho. Seriously. I want to keep him and have little "Special" babies with him.

    • Lisa says:

      thats sweet. When you are toilet training them, make sure the potty is in Barcelona colours. Their daddy has been sh***ing on Barca for years.

  22. cescyspain says:

    jose and cris – the stuff dreams are made of

  23. Y says:

    Yum! Just look at those arms! Can’t wait for the new season!!

  24. Kleon says:

    Mourinho: Too tanned

  25. Zinny says:

    Although I am not as obsessed with Ronaldo as I used to be, I can't deny that the kid is looking good. Very good.

    I'm curious to see how he plays with Real this season…especially after that World Cup performance.

  26. RONALIZA says:


  27. MeL says:

    .: Random Thoughts :. * Where's NanDo?? ?? *

  28. Sara says:

    Are Sergio and Iker expected to be in LA also?

  29. batso says:

    two arrogant people in the same team. the idol of nacissism .

    and the "special one" .how will they survive??

  30. tammyv says:

    I kind of miss the good old days when Jose was calling him poor and uneducated

    • Six says:

      I totally agree, Tammy.

    • Susie says:

      So you miss it when Jose is a complete classist ******* to a fellow countryman, when he should know better?

      I love Jose but that was one incident best forgotten.

  31. Shumla says:

    Lol, rosewood to chestnut. The tanning is what made me never really get the attraction of Ronaldo. And moreso nowadays because it always brings to mind the whole Jersey Shore GTL look. I think he's a great football player though, not showcased very well at the World Cup, but still!

    • Steph says:

      lol, seriously. He's a little TOO tan. :/ He needs to ease up on the tanning a bit.

      • Leya says:

        haha, legit.

        It is getting a little ridiculous, isn't it…

        No wonder he was mistaken for The Situation when he was in NY, which is priceless on 2 levels: 1) Americans really don't pay attention to football (fail) and 2) CR7 is REALLY looking too Jersey Shore-esque for words.

        • Steph says:

          lol, I know. And I thought it was bad when I saw pics of him last year in LA. OMG. :/ Right? I'm surprised they even noticed him at all! haha. Yes to both. :P Though thanks to the WC, and the hot Spanish guys lol, I'm trying to get more into football now. :)

        • Rachel S says:

          haha agree completely…his jersey shore-esque looks are getting to be too much for me!

        • DebS says:

          I about died when I heard about The Situation drama. The Situation is NOWHERE near as cute as Ronaldo. Besides, his smile should have been a dead giveaway but…as you mentioned my fellow "Americans really don’t pay attention to football (fail)" *sigh*

    • Jamtart Heart says:

      For sure, haha!

      I don’t know; I’m probably dating myself here, but he kind of looks like one of those rubber wrestling dolls little boys had in the early 1980′s. There is no denying he’s in awesome shape, but it’s all kinds of…unsettling that he could literally be his own plastic action figure.


      • LoveFootballLoveFoot says:

        Mattel still makes those lol. Oh, and as a woman who doesn't like men who tan on purpose I sadly has seen worse. At least CR has an even tan, imagine going to a tanning place and having those tiny goggles printed on your face and ending up looking like a reddish orangie raccoon? LOL Seen it too many times. Some people are just not meant to have a darker color.

  32. D0li says:

    I love that you added the chart! haha Madrid! Cristiano should have been a vice captin, but Portugals poor performance might have hindered his ability to getting it. Atleast they have Sergio..

    • gia says:

      cristiano just came to the squad last year.
      real captains are the ones that have been with the team the longest
      i.e iker,sergio,diarra,marcelo =D

      • D0li says:

        Marcelo is great he should have been vice captin especially after he did so well last year!

  33. Nia says:

    lol at jose's face..ahah..

  34. Zlatanista says:

    Thank you! *bows to the ground*

  35. Zlatanista says:

    Ok, if you say so…

  36. Yari says:

    **Comment has been removed**

  37. Zlatanista says:

    It´s gonna be a very, very exciting season! :)

  38. Heather says:

    **Comment/user violating our policy, comment has been removed**

  39. Zlatanista says:

    Noo, then i won´t bow! If that happens i will get on my flying pig and fly far, far away. Because then we will all live in Lala-land :)

  40. Zlatanista says:

    I never worry about Zlatan, he´s a big boy. ;)

  41. Zlatanista says:


  42. Golaso says:

    ** This comment has been deleted for user violation of our policy**

  43. Amber says:

    **Comment removed. User in violation of our policy**

  44. MeL says:

    Kickettes, who is this girl who recently brokeup with Yoann and now ownes C's bottom?? ?? Anyone??

  45. ASM says:

    whoa..who's that girl?i need to know this..anyone?answers,please..

  46. senora ramos says:

    ummmm, new owner? never heard of this before.

  47. JulieFromParis says:

    Hi! who’s that girl you’re talking about? thanks for the answer :)

  48. ASM says:

    wow..you're friend of vidic?cool..

    btw,what's her name?how old is she?where i can see her pics?



  49. ASM says:

    so mysterious..she has a cool job anyway..
    i’m a little bit sober now..u did mention her as a new real madrid owner,btw..is it true?

  50. Mrs Puoyl says:

    Godlike, female James Bond, incredible beauty… Well i wonder if Barca stands a chance this season when RM is owned by such a creature :) .

  51. ASM says:

    cris joins real madrid bcoz of her,and she’s the new owner for this season..wtf??dejavu?i’m sorry but i don’t get it..

  52. JulieFromParis says:

    Oh come on girls!! I dont buy a single word of it… Im sorry Anabel, i might be wrong and then i’ll promise i’ll apologize in public (Since the WC, this is what we call “French special” btw: act crap and then apologize, lol!!).

    But it sounds like a bad novel…

  53. JulieFromParis says:

    Probably delated because it was part of some girl’s fantasy world….