October 21st, 2010

Kickette Fail Files: Andrew Dykstra, Chicago Fire

So near. And yet soooooo far. Getty Images/Daylife)

Goalkeepers, eh? We love ‘em. Tall and furry with big hands, they fulfill almost every criteria on our perfect man checklist. And yet, unless they’re Joe Hart, Iker Casillas, Pepe Reina or Victor Valdes, the goalkeeper rarely gets his moment in the sun on Kickette. Let’s redress that balance now, shall we?

POSITION/CLUB: Goalkeeper, Chicago Fire
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Punching the ball clear of opposition players
CITED EVIDENCE: Photographic (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Andrew, it might seem mean of us to get your hopes up by dangling the prospect of a feature on our pages and then making it about an embarrassing ish like this.

But as a goalkeeper you must be aware that you are one of the only people on the pitch allowed to touch the ball with your hands. You even get a special jumper & gloves! Not only have you passed up the opportunity to protect your scoreline by catching the ball, your punch is so far wide of the mark we could drive a small bus through it (if our licenses hadn’t been revoked). (Getty Images/Daylife)

Andrew? You’re actually a bit of a hottie (left). We’ve thrown a gentle, friendly FAIL at you as it’s a first offence. Please try to catch it.

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11 Responses to “Kickette Fail Files: Andrew Dykstra, Chicago Fire”

  1. @DebStimson says:

    small correct, Kickette, Dykstra is the "back up" goal keeper. ;)

    As a Chicago Fire fan, Dykstra S*UCKS! They got rid of Jon Busch, a great goalkeeper, like a week before the season started, saying that this clown will be our #1, instead. Dykstra was the backup keeper to Busch. Well, thankfully, midway through the season, they realized that this guy s*cks and started Sean Johnson, a rookie. Sean has stepped up to the plate brilliantly. Meanwhile, Busch is now the starting goalkeeper at San Jose, ousting Joe Cannon, a veteran goalkeeper in the MLS. :

    Oh yeah…the Fire also ditched Coach Hamlet (brought in De Los Cobos) and let Blanco leave this season. De Los Cobos hasn't started the same 11 all year, even when they all were healthy. Sigh…for the first time in years, the Fire wasn't even close to the playoffs. Not a good year for Fire fans! :{

  2. MaryElla says:

    You know they call football something else in the States, perhaps they have different rules and strategies… ok, I can't pull that off. It is, ever so slightly, a fail.

  3. Emme says:

    He's kind of a hottie. We should be a little nicer to him :) Maybe he should be given a D instead of an F, no?

  4. Dru says:

    To the list of goalkeepers who did get their (richly deserved) moment in the sun, I would like to add:

    Gianluigi Buffon
    Fabien Barthez

    (everyone else I admire – Kahn, for instance- was too far pre-Kickette for me to list here)

  5. DutchGooner89 says:

    i cant really comment i should look closer to home am an arsenal fan look who we have in between thesticks —>our very own Flapianski….but the pic did make me chuckle though ahhaha

  6. Third Look Books says:

    Disappointed that Edwin VDS doesn't have his own file on here, Kickettes… ;-)

  7. sarrible says:

    The delicious Tim Howard gets his share of love around here, too. Mainly due to how he's allergic to clothes, god bless 'im.

  8. Jo_ says:

    "Please try to catch it." – Stretching the metaphor a bit more, this post gets an A.

  9. Rossanera says:

    Nice to see Kickette so close to home :)

  10. CarmenFoxe says:

    The world of football is no longer safe! I love how you guys are watching everything and everyone! Last week at school, I was talking about how Podolski doesn't play for Bayern anymore, all these boys were like 'OMG since when?!' So thank you guys for keeping me forever in the loop! Oh yeah, and it was a FAIL. :P