October 21st, 2010
Kickette Fail Files: Andrew Dykstra, Chicago Fire
So near. And yet soooooo far. Getty Images/Daylife)
Goalkeepers, eh? We love ‘em. Tall and furry with big hands, they fulfill almost every criteria on our perfect man checklist. And yet, unless they’re Joe Hart, Iker Casillas, Pepe Reina or Victor Valdes, the goalkeeper rarely gets his moment in the sun on Kickette. Let’s redress that balance now, shall we?
NAME OF APPLICANT: Andrew Dykstra
POSITION/CLUB: Goalkeeper, Chicago Fire
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Punching the ball clear of opposition players
CITED EVIDENCE: Photographic (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Andrew, it might seem mean of us to get your hopes up by dangling the prospect of a feature on our pages and then making it about an embarrassing ish like this.
But as a goalkeeper you must be aware that you are one of the only people on the pitch allowed to touch the ball with your hands. You even get a special jumper & gloves! Not only have you passed up the opportunity to protect your scoreline by catching the ball, your punch is so far wide of the mark we could drive a small bus through it (if our licenses hadn’t been revoked). (Getty Images/Daylife)
Andrew? You’re actually a bit of a hottie (left). We’ve thrown a gentle, friendly FAIL at you as it’s a first offence. Please try to catch it.