January 20th, 2011

Kickette Fail Files: Bradley Johnson, Leeds Utd

We think that’s known as ‘taking one for the team’. (Getty Images/Daylife)

So much Cup excitement across the European continent, so little willingness from the Kickette staff to write up a proper ‘Results Post’. Hmm.

But fear not Kickettes, we’re actually doing this for your own good. You see, if we do proper results posts for everything, then you’ll come to expect it, and the disappointment you will feel when you log on to our site and find nothing but captioned photos and naked ballers will be crippling. Therefore, our laziness is a public service. Brilliant!

Please celebrate with us by enjoying this Cup themed Fail File.

NAME OF APPLICANT: Bradley Johnson
POSITION/CLUB: Midfielder, Leeds United
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Heading the Ball
CITED EVIDENCE: Photo (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Generally when heading a football, the idea is to redirect it’s trajectory into the path of another player, or hopefully towards the goal. With the best will in the world, Bradley Johnson cannot claim to be altering the trajectory of anything apart from his lips, which you will note are rather charmingly puckered.

But, you know we always like to consider any mitigating circumstances when making sentencing decisions in Fail Files. In this case we feel that Bradley could cite the Arsenal (we think it’s Denilson, but please, have at it if you know better) foot rising inexorably toward his junk as a distraction. Couple that with the goal that Bradders scored in Leeds’ 3-1 defeat to Arsenal (not to mention the fact that he’s something of a pleasure puppy) and we have no alternative to let him off with a pardon.

Next!

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9 Responses to “Kickette Fail Files: Bradley Johnson, Leeds Utd”

  1. ashmenon says:

    Can't. Comment. Wincing. Too. Much. I. Feel. His. Pain. Oh. My. God.

  2. [...] I’m not sure how exactly this happened, but it looks painful. The fine ladies over at Kickette seem to think this is Denilson giving a little somethin-somethin to the family jewels of Bradley [...]

  3. Soon2beWifeOfNAsri says:

    That looks painful lol, great win for the gunners though yipieeeeeee

  4. IrishBlue says:

    Awwww was really hoping for a leeds victory there, part of me thought they were going to make a comeback, then up comes van persie and fabregas off the bench…arrrr. Oh and itv, not enough of Jonny Howson on camera for my liking :D

  5. Whitney Hot4Spurs says:

    Ouch! I can only imagine how that would feel!

  6. SoccerrLoverrr says:

    Even though that looks highly painful i must add that I am ECSTATICCCCC over the fact ARSENALL MADE IT TO THE FOURTH ROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D sosososo happy! anddd marouane's beautiful face blessed my tv screeen in the process!! :D

  7. EllieLUFC says:

    OH FATTY!
    Its about time I saw you on here… Such a shame that its on the Fail Files and not The Sizzle Query, But I will take what I can get!

    He is the cutest player Leeds own (apart from maybe Howson + Nunez) and the fact that he is a little bit stupid (okay, a lot stupid) just adds to it.
    His goal was the best of the night, but dont listen to the commentators. That was NOT a 'once in a life time' strike. he does them like that ALL THE TIME.
    Did you catch his post match interview? the saddest/cutest thing I've ever watched. He cant even string a sentence together…

    Anyway, this and my tweet from Kasper Schmeichel have made my night.
    THANK YOU KICKETTE!
    I love you more than I do Leeds United…. Almost.

    (He's beautifully Tattooed, incase you didnt know Kickette. I've had years of research on this subject… http://d.yimg.com/i/ng/sp/empics/20100508/17/9998… )
    xoxo

  8. mochara says:

    ouch that must have been sore! (I probably would have guessed it was Denilson without even seeing this pic he tends to do things like that a lot!