November 18th, 2010

Kickette Fail Files: Franck Ribery, Bayern Munich

A bit of a quandary for us today. While perusing the day’s images for inclusion in one of our many popular categories, a highly disturbed Kickette intern’s scream alerted us to the presence of this disturbing sight – Franck Ribery and his pants. (Image via bild)

She is now undergoing treatment for post traumatic stress disorder, but the rest of us hardened bishes have no time for such frivolity. Where does this image belong? Is it evidence for the prosecution in a FAIL FILE case? Is it a plea for clemency in a Dressed At Gunpoint post? Should it be tied to a stake and burned?

Much confusion abounded, but eventually our bravest staffer donned a hazmat suit, grabbed said photo with a pair of tongs and asserted that such undergarments deserved no mitigating circumstances. The Kickette Army will not tolerate such undergarment offences. Spurred on by her passion, we made a decision.

Soz, Franck. It’s a FAIL FILE for you.

NAME OF APPLICANT: Franck Ribery
POSITION/CLUB: Midfielder, Bayern Munich
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Removing clothing on a football pitch
CITED EVIDENCE: Photographic (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Well Franck, we know that both you personally and the French NT as a unit have experienced ‘difficult’ times of late. In light of this, It would have been relatively easy for us to overlook your heinous offence on the basis that you may indeed have ‘Dressed At Gunpoint’; your wife Wahiba being perfectly justified in using force to ensure you wear pants that are repellent to all women.

Or perhaps it is some secret group penance for the NT’s recent antics; you guys do have form in this area, after all (left; Nasri). But close examination of the offending pants (as close as is possible without breaking out in hives, that is) has left us with no alternative. This is an EPIC FAIL. Please accept your award and this voucher for some new underwear.

It is our duty to ensure our soldier girls are not exposed to such horrors again.

thanks T!

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23 Responses to “Kickette Fail Files: Franck Ribery, Bayern Munich”

  1. jaahas says:

    You guys are sick! He's not ugly.

  2. Hari says:

    When somone talks or writes about Ribery's facial features, then it is equivalent to racism,. I have read it so many times, when his picture comes in kickette and I am stunned and equally sad. As a player, I am not a big fan of Ribery, but should admit the fact that he is one of the world's top footballer (right now he is a little dim) and he has helped Bayern Munich reach the champions league last time. And moreover, i have never seen or heard Ribery being booked for a serious challenge or anything so bad what Joey Barton had done or has been doing!!! But feel very pity towards those who comments about his face, if it is serious or not.

    • Thea says:

      I wouldn't start the whole victim chant regarding him, he's not exactly whiter than white – he bullied Yoann and many others for undisclosed reasons and has been caught in a major sex scandal.

    • Caitlin says:

      What about the fact that he went with an underage prostitute?
      Should that make him more appealing in our eyes?

      • Infidel says:

        'underage' isn't how I would describe that busty chick he did. Every man would do that woman. Yeah, she was under 18, so what? She was a grown woman. Having sex with her at 17 and 10 months or so is wrong but two months later is right? please.

        It's funny seeing the comments here about ribery, I wonder what the reaction would be to a men's blog talking about hideous women like this, oh the feminist would be up in arms about it hearing about it.

        • caitanya says:

          Infidel, might i remind you that this is a website for girls (and probably gay guys) to gawk and make our silly comments about the guys we love in football. I am a female football fan and although when i'm with "the boys" i can talk shop, when i'm with the girls i want to be silly and stupid sometimes and to me, it's all in good fun.

          This is a website (at least for me) where I can have my female hormones titillated by looking at hot footballers' underpants, ripped bodies, their ongoing bromances and bum touching, etc. If i want straight up facts and technique, I go to another site. Sure, Ribery is a good footballer, i don't deny that. But i also don't deny the fact that his face is totally jacked. And i don't think that's a subjective remark either.

          Regarding your comment about men making comments about hideous women, there are so many out there already ad nauseum. I personally don't care. And isn't that what all those popular culture sites/magazines/shows are for?

        • diana says:

          i second that

  3. Emme says:

    I think I will mark this on the calendar. The day Franck Ribery made it on Kickette.

  4. Amandinha_ says:

    for a moment there, i thought nasri was cheryl cole and that stupid thigh tattoo of hers

  5. burp says:

    Any ass is still better than his face. Anything but his face. pleaaaaase

  6. Jackie says:

    I must admit I screamed in my mind. Was close to being out loud. HAHA

  7. Says_Who says:

    Wow talk about LOL material! I guess one man's fail is another person's pleasure.

  8. dontaskmetosmile says:

    This really, really hurt my eyes! I now need a stare at that Aitor picture for an hour, and at the Iker picture for two for me to recover.
    http://dontaskmetosmile.wordpress.com

  9. katarche101 says:

    Can't stop chuckling. He is a brave man to wear those! LOL-ing all the way……….

  10. Caitlin says:

    In which case he should never, ever pull his shorts down. I do NOT want to see this man in any stage of nakedness!

    • Zhenya says:

      Total agreement! The only thing he has going on right is that his shoes actually match his boxers!

  11. Since it is a documented fact that a woman buys her man's underpants, I vote we burn Mrs. Ribery at the stake.

  12. blitzenTO says:

    I actually have no problem with the flowery pants. Boys should wear pink more often. It's just RIbery that makes me ill.

  13. Nora says:

    … I'm going to gouge my eyes out

  14. Sara says:

    Scary boxers. The fact that its Ribery just makes it worse..

  15. Summer says:

    He should change his underwear, his boxer are very very very awful!!!

  16. lyricm9 says:

    wtf!?! they look like mine

  17. wow says:

    total horror; I must now go back to Aitor!