January 5th, 2011
Kickette Fail Files: Fulham FC
Chris Baird (left) and Clint Dempsey. Admirable enthusiasm, but useful? No. (Getty Images/Daylife)
With the Kickette staff rueing the missed opportunity of having run a Festive Fail File (alliteration is our second favourite thing in the world after peach schnapps, after all), we would like mask our disappointment by starting 2011 as we mean to go on.
That is, making facetious remarks about footballers as they attend to their everyday business. Please enjoy.
NAME OF APPLICANTS: Chris Baird & Clint Dempsey
POSITION/CLUB: Defender & Forward/Midfielder respectively, Fulham FC
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Tackling, winning the ball
CITED EVIDENCE: Photo (above)
But lads? Enthusiasm and passion are fine, but not when they manifest themselves to the extent that you guys are actually starting to scuffle on the pitch. That stuff should be restricted to the training pitch, surely? Or is it that your inattention at the pre-season ‘Winning The Ball’ seminar caused your problems in the first place?
Anyhoo, because you won 3-0 against West Brom and elevated yourselves out of the relegation zone we’ve decided to be lenient. Please attend the Kickette offices at 10.00am tomorrow morning, wearing nothing but strapping tape and tighty whities and brandishing a case of Krug. We will then teach you how to tackle properly.