January 11th, 2011
Kickette Fail Files: Jermain Defoe & Friends
It’s an exhibition of athletic prowess, not a ruddy peep show, y’know. (Getty Images/Daylife)
Usually we restrict ourselves to the cheery world of players and their associates when dishing out the Fail Files. But having seen this photo of Jermaine Defoe and elite British heptathlete Jessica Ennis promoting the new adiZero footwear range in London yesterday, we simply could not contain ourselves.
Please pop on your best ‘disapproving’ face and welcome the inaugural Kickette ‘Collective’ Fail File. Because we’re worth it.
NAME OF APPLICANTS: Random adidas competition winners
POSITION/CLUB: Behind Jessica Ennis, Surreptitious Lechers FC
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Concentrating on the sport
CITED EVIDENCE: Photo (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Lads. We understand that it is not every day you are in the presence of such athletic grace and prowess as that exuded by Jess Ennis. Indeed, by the looks of many of you, it is possibly the first time you have encountered a real woman.
But seriously. Even Jermain Defoe, noted womanizer of this parish, is making a decent fist of pretending he is interested in the ‘fun’ athletic challenges laid on by the event organizers. The very least you could do is drag your popping eyes from Ms Ennis’ rear for ten seconds during the photo opps (left). (Getty Images/Daylife)
A vigorous slap for each of you. You’ll go blind, y’know.