October 11th, 2010

Kickette Fail Files: Joachim Loew, Germany

Germany's coach Joachim Loew

Joachim Loew. What happened next? (AP Photo/Daylife)

As a new section available for your reading pleasure, the Kickette Fail Files will regularly provide examples of footy-world folk, who awkwardly find themselves incapable of performing everyday, mundane tasks.

Whether it’s a player, a manager, a WAG or even a commentator, you can be sure that we’ll be sharing any and all events occurring in football that we deem embarrassing enough to qualify.

Therefore, for our debut feature, we are thrilled to offer you Joachim Loew.

POSITION/CLUB: Manager, German National Team
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Heading a football
CITED EVIDENCE: Photograph (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Joachim, we have admired your work for a while now. The German WC campaign demonstrated both your talents as a tactician and your ability to motivate a young squad. But vigilance on the training field is a manager’s responsibility, in order to instil confidence in his players. The ball speeding towards your head in the above photo does not serve to instil this confidence.

We therefore have no option but to award you a giant, fat FAIL.

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17 Responses to “Kickette Fail Files: Joachim Loew, Germany”

  1. Jules says:

    OMG Jogi looks so fucking scared! XDDD

  2. SoccerLoverrrr says:

    i cant believe they caught him pickin his noseee and EATING HIS BOOGERS!!!! EPIC FAIL

  3. sovie says:

    this man successfully makes every girl sweating *awwwww

  4. fieryheart says:

    Even if he likes to pick his nose in public, he's still one of the most handsome manager :)

  5. Missy Manchester says:

    The Incredible Flying Jabulani has rendered Joachim powerless in its presence.

    It had the same effect on England.

    Spain and Holland are apparently impervious to its evil hypnotic ways.

  6. Jackie says:

    that expression is priceless

  7. Shann says:

    hell yeah!kicking Innocent bottles like during match with Turkey last friday;) he was pised off like never because of Poldi…;) but I still like him very much …. handsome and wearing suits;) and of cours talented manager

  8. xbabyshakesx says:

    keke when i see him, i imagine him destroying innocent water bottles all over Germany!

    • Surly Wench says:

      Haha, yes, that was so funny, I remember the water bottle beatings. He threw some especially high quality tantrums in the first half of the game against Turkey. After they started making some goals, he was still jumping around a lot, but at least he started hugging people instead of kicking the air. We should all do Loew Aerobics, forget Jazzercise….

  9. DutchGooner89 says:

    AM sorry but everytime i think of Joachim i think of his rummage in his nose and eating his very own boo-boo's i mean even typing it is making me physically gag, so there that's 2 FAILS lol.

  10. blah_blah says:

    Joachim Loew, or Joachim no? god, I miss the world cup :'( ;)

  11. Hannah (Mrs Gerrard-Lampard-Torres-Terry-Fabregas) says:

    Loving it kickette :)

    Genius !!!