February 15th, 2011

Kickette Fail Files: Roberto Rosales, FC Twente


It’s devastating to see a young man throwing his career away, just to catch our eyes. It really is. (Getty Images/Daylife)

A cautionary tale in today’s Fail File, people, as we examine the story of a young man whose career hangs in the balance as he battles an all pervading addiction to appearing on these pages.

Be warned, Kickettes. It’s your insatiable desire for manflesh that leads young players down this path. You are culpable in their demise.

NAME OF APPLICANT: Roberto Rosales
POSITION/CLUB: Right back, FC Twente
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Avoiding the appearance of desperation
CITED EVIDENCE: Photo (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Now Roberto. We understand how difficult it is for you guys in the Dutch Eredivisie to get noticed. We at Kickette are miserable failures when it comes to the league system in the home of Total Football and articulate this idiocy on a daily basis by wilfully overlooking one of the major European competitions in favour of another post about Sergio Ramos’ hair.

Sorry. Our irresistible attraction to shiny things overpowers us every time.  

For this reason, we find it totally appropriate that an Eredivisie player of your calibre would take ‘extra’ measures to get noticed. But it’s gone too far, Robert. We take partial responsibility; clearly featuring your promising short-tent last year gave you aspirations towards more regular coverage and you’ve become a little ‘camera happy’.  

We are staging this intervention to help you. If your obsession with featuring on these hallowed pages means that much to you, remove your shirt at the end of a game. ‘Accidentally’ allow your shorts to ride up during a tackle, allowing an expanse of toned thigh to be revealed in all it’s glory. Spend more time hanging out with your colleague, Nacer Chadli (above). He’s nummy. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Running around in front of random press photographers whilst pulling your trademark ‘hot look’ (top) will not work. It will interfere with your gameplay, you will be sidelined and eventually lose your contract. You may even have to take a job as a binman just to make ends meet.

If you look hot enough, We WILL find you. We always do.

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16 Responses to “Kickette Fail Files: Roberto Rosales, FC Twente”

  1. Maria Isabel Valencia-Lopez says:

    Yay!!! Shout out to Venezuela!! Even if we only get into the Fail Files :P ooooops!!

  2. Kate says:

    Oooh Robertico! His from my country Venezuela! :) cant believe his here! Even tho I dont find him attractive…you should check Ronald Vargas from Club Brugge! http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f229/Kate_gd182…

  3. IrishBlue says:

    Watch out for that lamp post Roberto!

  4. xMrsNavas says:

    I've a list with hot players from the Dutch Eredivisie, maybe they get noticed then haha ;D
    Jan Vertonghen ;D <33 -Ajax<33
    Gregory van der Wiel ;D -Ajax<33
    Ricky van Wolfswinkel ;D -FC Utrecht
    Toby Alderweireld ;D -Ajax<33
    Christian Eriksen ;D -Ajax<33
    Hahahah okayy the only people I actually think about are these 5, so okay there are not much hot players in the Dutch Eredivisie, but maybe this -short- list is a hint that there need to be something about them too sometime (aa)

    Jesús Navas news/pictures are also very welcomee ;D

    hahahah ;) )


  5. Anya says:

    Uhmm…No I wouldn't.

    No, wait, wait!

    Hold on, let me look again…uhm, no thank you.

  6. Caro says:

    Don't, it's very boring (unless you like watching third division football). And so far, no footballer there has been able to make me remember him for other reasons either…

    • Wow says:

      Ok ,Thanks(;

    • Sabaz Tukaytri says:

      Very true; lived there for 3 yrs and watched only a few games bcos its worse than 3rd Div football, fans sit in the stadiums like they're at a funeral – plain old Dutch lifestyle of boring nothingness….grtZ

      • Meee says:

        Excuse me, but the Twente fans are the best fans of the dutch Division. And I'm not sayin this because I'm a Twente fan, but because everybody in Holland is saying it. The atmosphere in Twente is the best.
        It truely is. But ofcourse, the football is not the same as when Real Madrid plays. haha!
        I have to admit that. Be they don't do it that bad. ;)

  7. Meee says:

    Nacer Chadli is living in my town. One day he was in the city and some girl I know via via was there to. They started to talk and to flirt. This girl didn't knew him, she didn't knew that he was a football player. He invited her some drinks, and they talked etc. Then he asked if she wanted to come to his place. She said she didn't wanted to, and he became mad. He yelled at her why the hell he was buying all the drinks for her then….
    so he's not such a sweet boy. Rosales is. :D

  8. Meee says:

    I talked to Rosales!! :D And have a picture with him. He's really nice boy, he was acually trying to make a real conversation.

  9. His thighs are yummy!