October 14th, 2010

Kickette Fail Files: Wayne Rooney’s Ankle Situation

Misquoted or mistaken? Either way,  evasive action will be necessary when the hairdryer approaches. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Remember last week, when Kiko Macheda was totally misquoted and apparently insulted team mate Wayne Rooney? You know how that turned out to be a complete and utter media fabrication in order to generate news and controversy where there was none?

Well, in light of this we will continue to be skeptical about any story involving an England NT member. But just in case Wayne was quoted correctly in today’s English newspapers, we’ll offer him a slot in our Fail Files. Tentatively.

NAME OF APPLICANT: Wayne Rooney
POSITION/CLUB: Striker, Manchester United & England NT
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Maintaining a peaceful & harmonious dressing room
CITED EVIDENCE: Newspaper reports
KICKETTE VERDICT: Wayne. Mate. Your manager, Sir Alex Ferguson is noted across the world for his strict disciplining of players. However, he is also well respected among his peers for protecting his boys from criticism. If you have not had an ankle injury, as you stated in the tunnel after Tuesday’s England game, we imagine that Ferguson was creating a smokescreen to help you after your recent erm… problems. You have just essentially blown that myth out of the water, making Fergie look a bit of a prat into the bargain.

Good luck with that, Waz. A massive, hairdryer shaped FAIL is heading directly towards you.

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25 Responses to “Kickette Fail Files: Wayne Rooney’s Ankle Situation”

  1. Jackie says:

    I have no respect for this guy, on or off the pitch. Period.

  2. mena says:

    For argument's sake, Wayne Rooney was scheduled to film that "Street Striker" commercial and for sure the paparazzi were going to be there. It was going come out that his ankle was fine and that someone was lying.

    The choice to lie about Rooney's fitness was Sir Alex's decision not Rooney's. And considering Rooney had just been through weeks of public humiliation because of lying, it's a bit unfair for Sir Alex to assume that Wayne should have gone along with his lie.

    I mean, wasn't it in the papers that Sir Alex was furious with Wayne about the hooker scandal? So, he is mad that Rooney lied to his wife, but if it's Sir Alex who is lying Wayne is supposed to go along with it?

    As dim as Wayne Rooney is, IMO this one is on Sir Alex.

  3. eeraaa says:

    Really Wayne? Really? You don't do that to Sir Alex. You just don't. Its disrespectful and with the problems that ManU has already, like not winning their games ahem, you should really just keep your mouth shut. As if you didn't have enough to handle yourself.

    You know what they say, history repeats itself and I have a feeling Real Madrid might have another ManU player who crossed Fergie next season.

  4. AALIYAH says:

    when i started reading i assumed it was going to be filled with boring advice, but really it turned out to be quite useful. im impressed!

  5. RedAne says:

    Ok. Here is what I think is gonna happen: the curse of the Nike commercial will kick his butt!!!!

  6. @AgnesWonka says:

    oh god please no! Wayyynnneeee! :(

  7. I hate him but I respect his team and I love Alex Ferguson…seriously Wayne, I thought you were good at lying and cheating…why cant you sort-of-lie for your own good for once

  8. Gabs says:

    Ok I'm a ManU fan so I've been cutting him some slack but, if this is true, this time he's gone too far!! what a douche… contradicting Fergie aghh!!

  9. Zinny says:

    He disgusts me. Always has, always will.

  10. MaryElla says:

    I find him unattractive… as a footballer and as a human being.

  11. Bebo Ronaldo says:

    lol ‘SHREK’ that’s wot my mum sed wen we wachd shrek 4 da 1st tym, “he reminds me of that Rooney guy, da 1 dat plays 4 sum team!” (she dsnt follow footie)

  12. Wayne Rooney is living testimony to the importance of educating our young talented footballers: without respect for the arts, respect for women, chivalry, a bit of French, Spanish and Italian, not to mention some expertise in cooking, childcare, and medieval song, they are doomed to a life of spelunking in the lower reaches of skankology interrupted shopping for overpriced trainers when not on the football pitch. Is this what we want for our young men?

  13. DutchGooner89 says:

    Someone slap some sense into this boy i mean, it seems he needs to just take a step back and re-evaluate his life and the mess he has created for himself! no one else can help him if he doesnt see what ever is going on behind close doors has effected his form on the pitch, which made his manager step in to give him time to sort himself out and shoots himself in the foot by blabbering to the press- the same press that vilified him and will do anything in their power to destroy his life. Have some sense boy! Upsetting SAF is a big no no lol ask Becks

  14. Annaya says:

    He's a douche, he's gross and the comment that he resembles Shrek is offensive to Shreks everywhere.

  15. Samantha says:

    Gee he really is the douche I always thought he was.

  16. Wayne, please put down the hooker and pick up your phone and call Jaap Stam, Paul Ince, Ruud, Becks or even better, your old skipper Roy Keane. They will all tell you what happens when you f*ck with Sir Alex. And it's not good.

  17. Lashes says:

    Well maybe the first (mis-)quote from Macheda turns out to be true! But hopefully the dear dear fuck-up was misquoted or somehow can save his (second) mess, because that's just way too stupid

  18. Berbie's Barbie says:

    I really hope he was misquoted. I don't want to see my favorite player leaving my favorite team : (

  19. jellenp says:

    Wayne better hope he can convincingly claim he was misquoted. I'm sure the wrath of Sir Alex will make the wrath of Colleen feel like a harmless tropical breeze casually ruffling his non-existent hair.