November 19th, 2010
Kickette Interview: Chris Pontius Dishes On Babes & Bachelorhood
Image via Cosmopolitan magazine.
What was supposed to be a quick drive by the Cosmo Bachelor Blowout party a few weeks back in NYC in order to grill D.C. United’s Chris Pontius on his manscaping skills eventually became a 5-hour-adult-beverages-on-someone-else’s-tab ordeal that left Pontius’ right bum cheek sore and rendered one of our staffers emphatically useless.
However, we’re pleased to report, that Pontius is truly a man after our own social agendas. Minus our intense lack of focus on his actual words, we (somehow) managed to pick the brain of D.C.’s seemingly most eligible bachelor on proper pick-up etiquette, among other things. Homie’s got opinions, y’all. Chris also shared his reservations about shirt removal (hint: he’s a self-proclaimed mama’s boy), much to our dismay.
For the ladies in the MLS-’baller wrangling market, read out for a few tips that might literally knock you off your feet (apparently, he’s been known to do that from time to time).
Q: Whenever you venture out on the town, how frisky are the females? Approximately how many advances do you (or your friends) fend off on any given night?
A: When I’m in D.C., most of the people I hang out here are teammates. And, a lot of the teammates have serious girlfriends…and the people who are married don’t go out too much. Since there aren’t too many single guys on the team, I’m usually the one that’s most available. It happens more now with the whole Cosmo announcement.
Q: Obviously this sets up the scene for some awkward encounters – ever tell any girls to talk to your man hand?
A: Yea…well, I don’t really know how to be an asshole. Unless a girl says something outrageous, I really can’t be mean.
Q: Our crew, as you probably now know, are quite the confident bunch. Thoughts on girls making the first moves?
A: If a girl approaches the guy in the right way, it could be a very good thing. But it has to be in a classy way.
Q: Hmm…here’s where we may have issues as our definition of “classy” may differ. Elaborate?
A: If a girl comes up and starts flirting and is a little too much right away – that’s probably not the best first impression. Also, when they’re out and too drunk, that could be bad.
Q: Yeah, see, we’re still having a hard time understanding. Perhaps we agree to disagree?
A: Fine, better yet, a classy girl is a girl you can take home to mom and dad. Not a girl who, if you’re telling your friends about, and they suddenly they have a story about her with another guy, you really want to be with. A girl who has kept her act together – through the years.
Q: You’ve previously said your dating history has largely centered on girls from the West Coast. But, if you had to compare your ‘type’ to a famous WAG, who would it be?
A: I like brunettes, and have typically have dated girls who I’d put into the category same as Victoria Beckham. Girls with good appetites also win points.
Q: Good appetite and Victoria Beckham don’t really go hand in hand. Maybe you mean high maintenance like Mrs. B.?
A: I like to be taken care of, so ideally I prefer someone who knows her way around the kitchen. I’m into girls with who take care of themselves, like when they have a nice pedicure/manicure. It’s crucial. But, I’m not talking high maintenance in the sense that I have to buy you stuff to prove my feelings.
Q: Gee, that’s sweet, but very … white bread/innocent “sounding” of you. You’ve GOT to have a mean streak in you?
A: I have to watch what I say – look who I’m talking to!
Q: With United’s MLS campaign complete, and your post-surgery crutches gone to the wayside, what are you looking forward to doing in the off season? (Image: Moshe Zusman photography)
A: I’ll be up in Santa Barbara for the College Cup. I think it’ll be a fun time. No real vacation planned – kind of hard since I have to do rehab the whole time.
Q: If you weren’t playing in the MLS, what would you be doing with your dimples?
A: I’d have to say coaching. I do like kids, and working with kids, and have worked a lot in the past with soccer camps. Just the things they say, and the games they like to play makes every day of work a lot easier.
Q: Is it safe to say you’re a favourite camp counselor among the Kickettes-in-training?
A: Oh yea. You know how girls are at those camps – gossiping in the corner. I teach them a couple of moves and gossip with them. (Laughs)
Q: Ah-ha! So we’ve got two things in common: Patron Silver & gossip. Good stuff.
Getting Personal with Pontius
Q: Let’s suss out a previous debate our readers have had. Who’s hotter: Devon McTavish or yourself?
A: Devon. Plus, he’s nicer, too. I’ve never met anyone who has had a problem with him.
Q: Do you ever Google yourself? If not, did you know that 98% of the Google Image search results show you completely clothed? (The other two percent does look like this, though) How do you explain that one?
A: Yes, of course. Haven’t we all? I’m not shy about having my shirt off, as long as I’m comfortable with everyone around me. If I’m in a situation where I’m not comfortable, I try to make a good impression, which starts with wearing good clothes (laughs).
Q: Well, the few semi-clad shots Google’s search engine results do produce include the ESPN Body Issue nude photo spread you did with your teammates last year. Talk to us about that.
A: It was the most awkward thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t do it again. I come from a very conservative family, so it was frowned upon by my parents. You know when your parents tell you they’re disappointed? Yeah, that definitely sucked. I’m the wild child in the family, and I wouldn’t even consider myself that wild.
Q: Us neither. So then, what was the reaction to the Cosmo feature?
A: When my mom saw the photo used in the magazine, she said, “at least you have your pants on.”
Q: What was the magazine’s formula for your stripping success? We’re taking notes on this, FYI.
A: Haha. Well, when someone said ESPN we all immediately thought it would be cool to be featured in, and from then on, didn’t really second guess our decision to participate.
Q: That seems a bit like stealing candy from a baby. Consider our 2011 calendar in the works, then. But, Mr. Wholesome, you seem straight out of our mums’ cookie cupboards. Surely you have an inner bad boy ‘baller side to you?
A: I have a lot of faults. I don’t think before I speak. And I act on emotions first. If I’m upset about something, I’m going to say how I feel. Sometimes, I say dumb things and its gotten me into trouble. I like to think I’m a good singer, but I’m probably not. I am pretty good at Sodoku. For the most part, though, I try strive to be a good person on and off the field.
Thx to K. Sheldon at D.C. United for coordinating some alone time for us with Chris! We were all on our best behaviour! Honest.