November 19th, 2010

Kickette Interview: Chris Pontius Dishes On Babes & Bachelorhood

Image via Cosmopolitan magazine.

What was supposed to be a quick drive by the Cosmo Bachelor Blowout party a few weeks back in NYC in order to grill D.C. United’s Chris Pontius on his manscaping skills eventually became a 5-hour-adult-beverages-on-someone-else’s-tab ordeal that left Pontius’ right bum cheek sore and rendered one of our staffers emphatically useless.

However, we’re pleased to report, that Pontius is truly a man after our own social agendas. Minus our intense lack of focus on his actual words, we (somehow) managed to pick the brain of D.C.’s seemingly most eligible bachelor on proper pick-up etiquette, among other things. Homie’s got opinions, y’all. Chris also shared his reservations about shirt removal (hint: he’s a self-proclaimed mama’s boy), much to our dismay.

For the ladies in the MLS-’baller wrangling market, read out for a few tips that might literally knock you off your feet (apparently, he’s been known to do that from time to time).

Dating 101

Q: Whenever you venture out on the town, how frisky are the females? Approximately how many advances do you (or your friends) fend off on any given night?

A: When I’m in D.C., most of the people I hang out here are teammates. And, a lot of the teammates have serious girlfriends…and the people who are married don’t go out too much. Since there aren’t too many single guys on the team, I’m usually the one that’s most available. It happens more now with the whole Cosmo announcement.

Q: Obviously this sets up the scene for some awkward encounters – ever tell any girls to talk to your man hand?

A: Yea…well, I don’t really know how to be an asshole. Unless a girl says something outrageous, I really can’t be mean.

Q: Our crew, as you probably now know, are quite the confident bunch. Thoughts on girls making the first moves?

A: If a girl approaches the guy in the right way, it could be a very good thing. But it has to be in a classy way.

Q: Hmm…here’s where we may have issues as our definition of “classy” may differ. Elaborate?

A: If a girl comes up and starts flirting and is a little too much right away – that’s probably not the best first impression. Also, when they’re out and too drunk, that could be bad.

Q: Yeah, see, we’re still having a hard time understanding. Perhaps we agree to disagree?

A: Fine, better yet, a classy girl is a girl you can take home to mom and dad. Not a girl who, if you’re telling your friends about, and they suddenly they have a story about her with another guy, you really want to be with. A girl who has kept her act together – through the years.

Q: You’ve previously said your dating history has largely centered on girls from the West Coast. But, if you had to compare your ‘type’ to a famous WAG, who would it be?

A: I like brunettes, and have typically have dated girls who I’d put into the category same as Victoria Beckham. Girls with good appetites also win points.

Q: Good appetite and Victoria Beckham don’t really go hand in hand. Maybe you mean high maintenance like Mrs. B.?

A: I like to be taken care of, so ideally I prefer someone who knows her way around the kitchen. I’m into girls with who take care of themselves, like when they have a nice pedicure/manicure. It’s crucial. But, I’m not talking high maintenance in the sense that I have to buy you stuff to prove my feelings.

Q: Gee, that’s sweet, but very … white bread/innocent “sounding” of you. You’ve GOT to have a mean streak in you?

A: I have to watch what I say – look who I’m talking to!

Career Commentary

Q: With United’s MLS campaign complete, and your post-surgery crutches gone to the wayside, what are you looking forward to doing in the off season? (Image: Moshe Zusman photography)

A: I’ll be up in Santa Barbara for the College Cup. I think it’ll be a fun time. No real vacation planned – kind of hard since I have to do rehab the whole time.

Q: If you weren’t playing in the MLS, what would you be doing with your dimples?

A: I’d have to say coaching. I do like kids, and working with kids, and have worked a lot in the past with soccer camps. Just the things they say, and the games they like to play makes every day of work a lot easier.

Q: Is it safe to say you’re a favourite camp counselor among the Kickettes-in-training?

A: Oh yea. You know how girls are at those camps – gossiping in the corner. I teach them a couple of moves and gossip with them. (Laughs)

Q: Ah-ha! So we’ve got two things in common: Patron Silver & gossip. Good stuff.

Getting Personal with Pontius

Q: Let’s suss out a previous debate our readers have had. Who’s hotter: Devon McTavish or yourself?

A: Devon. Plus, he’s nicer, too. I’ve never met anyone who has had a problem with him.

Q: Do you ever Google yourself? If not, did you know that 98% of the Google Image search results show you completely clothed? (The other two percent does look like this, though) How do you explain that one?

A: Yes, of course. Haven’t we all? I’m not shy about having my shirt off, as long as I’m comfortable with everyone around me. If I’m in a situation where I’m not comfortable, I try to make a good impression, which starts with wearing good clothes (laughs).

Q: Well, the few semi-clad shots Google’s search engine results do produce include the ESPN Body Issue nude photo spread you did with your teammates last year. Talk to us about that.

A: It was the most awkward thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t do it again. I come from a very conservative family, so it was frowned upon by my parents.  You know when your parents tell you they’re disappointed? Yeah, that definitely sucked. I’m the wild child in the family, and I wouldn’t even consider myself that wild.

Q: Us neither. So then, what was the reaction to the Cosmo feature?

A: When my mom saw the photo used in the magazine, she said, “at least you have your pants on.”

Q: What was the magazine’s formula for your stripping success? We’re taking notes on this, FYI.

A: Haha. Well, when someone said ESPN we all immediately thought it would be cool to be featured in, and from then on, didn’t really second guess our decision to participate.

Q: That seems a bit like stealing candy from a baby. Consider our 2011 calendar in the works, then. But, Mr. Wholesome, you seem straight out of our mums’ cookie cupboards. Surely you have an inner bad boy ‘baller side to you?

A: I have a lot of faults. I don’t think before I speak. And I act on emotions first. If I’m upset about something, I’m going to say how I feel. Sometimes, I say dumb things and its gotten me into trouble. I like to think I’m a good singer, but I’m probably not.  I am pretty good at Sodoku. For the most part, though, I try strive to be a good person on and off the field.


Thx to K. Sheldon at D.C. United for coordinating some alone time for us with Chris! We were all on our best behaviour! Honest.

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54 Responses to “Kickette Interview: Chris Pontius Dishes On Babes & Bachelorhood”

  1. ZumbaGirl13 says:

    He is gorgeous! Hottest thing in the MLS since Stuart Holden left. Thankfully I live within 2 hours of DC and get to rock my Pontius Jersey at home games!

  2. Catie says:

    ANDO pegged it. The majority of all pro athletes in N.A. have this down-home wholesome boy thing with pretty much the same generic outline for an unattainable wife/girlfriend. This is why I find European players far more interesting. They may sing a similar song (good or scandalous), but they seem to have way more…je ne sais quoi. Or pizazz. That's a good word. Either way, at least I'm not left yawning when my vision gets shattered.

    On the upside he looks pretty on my computer and that's all I need him to do, really ;) .

  3. Lucy says:

    Aww I like him. I would date him.

  4. Whitney says:

    very sexy hip dips in this pic. I loves me some hip dips!

  5. Zahara says:

    the guy is hot but seems…i dunno…

  6. [...] utan snarare fotbollsspelarna , deras liv och skvaller om dom. Lite mysig objektifiering av snygga, vältränade fotbollsspelare med andra ord. Inte mig emot. Får du inte nog av det kan jag [...]

  7. Jackie says:

    He's hot. But def wouldn't want me cause I wouldn't take care of him. wonder what he feels about women with strong opinions? Wouldn't like me again. lmao

  8. BarceLisa says:

    First the Finest Five "update" and now this. My internet always breaks down when Kickette posts their best stuff. I know I'm late to this post but here's my two cents: Wow what a glass shattering moment this is. I think Chris' views are just the tip of the iceberg.

    Maybe if we are all lucky enough to sit down with our favorite ballers and ask them the tough questions (as Kickette does so well here) then we would find some unsavoury answers; that make us realise these fine men we drool over are not the people we thought they were.

    Having said all this, Chris comes off looking like a complete knob. Personally, as soon as I read the words "conservative family" that was the final nail. His answers to the Victoria Beckham questions just totally destroyed any shred of interest I may have had in him (once again, major kudos to Kickette).

    • N says:

      I don't think any of us thinks our boys are actually the same as they are in our fantasies (for a start, in mine, they are always single). And it's perfectly possible that some of the players we so adore are people we would never get along with across a table, but this one just makes it so obvious, maybe we should give him credit for honesty?

      Chris does come off looking like a high-maintenance knob here- I don't want a boy to buy me things and can cook, but someone who judges potential girlfriends on the basis of locker-room gossip doesn't sound like a nice potential boyfriend. I'm not saying he should date someone like CRon's whatserface or the Argentinian botineras but please, hookup mistakes can happen to anyone.

  9. kaya says:

    Go easy on the guy… when you're a footballer who makes $60k/year, you're already out of the market for high maintenance gals. That being said, he needs to do something thinking about what his future lucky lady gets in return for taking care of his ass(/abs) and knowing her way around the damn kitchen (have to admit, those words sound bad.) It doesn't sound like the cooking is something he plans to take part in.
    The part about the mani/pedi thing was interesting… I always figured that was something we did for ourselves that guys didn't even notice let alone appreciate.

    • Lily says:

      I don't want a boy to buy me stuff either or even the mani/pedi stuff, what I don't like is the fact that he sounds judgmental (the 'what's a classy girl' bit? So locker room.).

      But at least he is honest about that, and it's not surprising if he got those views from his conservative upbringing.

  10. Ninjess says:

    I have to say it. I'm not offended that he's conservative. And I'm not offended that he knows his type. It actually surprises me that so many Kickettes ARE turned off by this. It's a hell of a lot better than some of these 'ballers who cheat on their wives with the hooker of the week (lookin' at you Rooney – I never liked you in the first place!). I'll never give up my Euro boys for a fellow Yank, but if I had to choose an American, Pontius would be on my short list.

  11. Simone says:

    Like the europeans footballers better. they go for all kinds women pornstars waiters don't matter

  12. caitanya says:

    I lived in Washington DC for several years and I can totally picture what sort of type he is and where he hangs out. I also do not follow MLS so had no idea of who he was but initially was drawn into the picture but after reading this interview, talk about totally turned off. He is the exact reason why I don't like men from the USA (and there are a ton out there like him).

  13. ANDO says:

    i am from north america so this tune is played soo much. . i mean, this is the ideal girlfriend of most north america sports players isnt it? its usually all this and blonde hair with big boobs. i am not into his looks bt i like how he sounds. lol. too bad i am into hot frenchies like yoann.

  14. Jen says:

    Yeah so he's cute, but clearly he's got some serious relationship issues. No wonder he's single! I don't watch MLS(reminds me too much of High School soccer) but if they are all as high maintenance as this guy, you can keep them…..I'll stick with my Liverpool lads!

    • Lily says:

      I know, right? I don't want a boy to buy me stuff, but he does sound a bit judgmental, but at least he was up front about it and if his family was conservative like he says, I'm not surprised.

      Sticking with my Liverpool boys here too ^_^

  15. Winnie Mata says:

    i actually quite like the "naked" DC United picture lol
    now i have a new fantasy for when i meet Joe Hart
    hog-wrestle him in bed, but tell him he can keep his socks on
    this works well since i hate men's feet anyways.

    • Leya_S says:

      You know how a lot of places have weird laws that have been around for ages but no one ever saw to get rid of them? Well in Virginia its illegal to have sex with socks on.
      When I read your post, that law came to mind, haha. Just thought I'd share that with you!

      • CarmenOcio says:

        LOL at that funny law! how would they find out? you can just picture it now, in a police interrogation room:
        Lady: He, erm, he, he took off his clothes and *sobs* oh dear God…
        Detective: What happened next, ma'am?
        Lady: He kept his socks on! *breaks down*
        Detective: The scumbag!

      • Winnie Mata says:

        LOL omgawd! that's the best revenge for an ex-boyfriend!
        turn him in for keeping those tootsies covered, lmao!

        • Alex Samuel says:

          haha i see what you mean though, I'm not a fan of feet either! I do love mens hands though, but i'm strange like that :P

          • Winnie Mata says:

            i love their hands as well!
            well i don't like guys with bony hands
            that is not attractive! i like guys with "thicker" (i don't wanna say meaty) hands
            and nice square knuckles, and hands bigger than mine (obvi)

  16. C16 says:

    Oh come on!!! He sounds like the type of guy I'd date. He WOULD have to buy nice things now and then though…

  17. anna says:

    Why are some of you guys so turn off by his ideals? I know you have the same ideals about men no? You do like them clean, be able to cook, and not a cheating manwhore? He’s just being honest.

  18. So, basically he wants a virgin who can cook. Good luck with that.

  19. HiL says:

    haha very nice :)
    i love those interviews you make!

  20. Ana says:

    Legit Kickettes in DC? Where can I sign up for the wine-tasting, shopping expos, and general drooling? Truly, though, having just moved here where is the best place to watch EPL??? Alas, I no longer have FSC. :/ Thanks in advance, and may everyone have a lovely Friday!

    Oh, and as a complete sidebar, the interview was entertaining. As someone who comes from a conservative family, his answers weren't atrocious- if anything they were genuine & showed that he is close with his family and values their opinion. Where's the harm there?

    • Lily says:

      No harm done, as you say, and it's nice that he's close to his family, but I do think he sets the bar a little high for a prospective girlfriend. And that's putting it a little mildly…

      Nice to look at, but not for me.

      • Ana says:

        "Nice to look at, but not for me. "

        I concur. :) Perhaps I was deflecting from the pressures of coming from a conservative family. :) )

    • Lily says:

      Also, I'll give him points for honesty. At least you'd know what to expect with him…

    • Nora says:

      Ana, I used to go to the Union Jack at Ballston to watch EPL… That was last year though, before I moved to Seattle for school for a year. I'll be back in March, so I'm praying they still are showing it. I'm not sure about in the city though, as I tend to stay in Arlington. If you find a place, post on here, will ya?

    • Sher says:

      Lucky Bar in Dupont Circle! It’s THE soccer bar in DC. (maybe I’ll see you there and we can drool together!)

    • izzy says:

      Lots of Places to watch…In DC proper I prefer Fado in Chinatown. Lucky Bar is a very popular spot in Dupont. In Bethesda I watch it at Harp & Fiddle.

      • Ana says:

        Thanks for all the suggestions… I suppose the first step is venturing out… no, maybe finding a job. :) There is so much to do here, I don't where to begin! Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

  21. loveu2much says:

    “i dont know how to be an asshole” what a strange thing to say lol

  22. Ana says:

    Legit Kickettes in the DC area? Where do I sign up for the wine tasting, shopping expos, and general drooling? :) Truly, though, where are the best places around here to watch EPL? Since moving here, I no longer have FSC. Sigh. I’d appreciate any help I can get. Thanks, and may everyone have a lovely Friday.

    And as a side bar, the interview was an entertaining read. As someone from a conservative family, his answers weren’t atrocious just genunine- I imagine he’s close to his family & values their opinion; where’s the harm in that?

  23. Starsarella says:

    oye he is sucha hottie and a sweetie. <3

  24. tammyv says:

    I LOVE EVERY SINGLE kid who has worn the hollowed Black and Red but few have done it prettier than Chris. Well Done Kickettes, well done

  25. Laura says:

    lol, he doesn't sound nice. girl has to look like victoria beckham, be able to cook and clean for him, and also keep herself put together, but should not expect him to get her nice things? and it also kind of sounds like the word "slut" is lurking in his mind during a lot of the "classy girl" discussion, although I shouldn't put words in his mouth.

    Hot, but I would never, ever date him.

    • Lily says:

      I agree. I know we're harsh on WAGs sometimes, but it's just so easy for people to judge girls on the basis of who they've been with (and I say this as the most boring, go-nowhere girl alive). Wonder if it's because, as he says, his family is v. conservative and that's the way he was brought up?

      Honestly, if you ask me, he sounds a bit high-maintenance as a boyfriend himself.

    • shay says:

      Like every American male. He wants a lady on the street and a ho in the bed who eats like a pig, never gains weight and is successful as a mother and career woman and keeps the house spotless. Now wonder so many marriages break up. But he is hot, so I can overlook it. :) ~

    • parkysutdgirl says:

      i didn't know who he was but he looked hot so i read the interview but the bit about the girls has turned me off.

    • Amandinha_ says:

      yeah.. agree with everyone above… He also doesn't sound like the kind of person who can deal with all my gay friends!

      loose it up a little, chris! There's a reason you're that hot and still single, hun!

  26. Alia says:

    phwoaaarrrr
    now stalking mode

  27. Simone says:

    just hot