October 8th, 2010

Kickette Island: Tater Tots & Body Shots

Fantasy Island, Kickette style. (Gourcuff via Getty Images)

We very much enjoy learning about our readers. We frequently spend many an hour (that could otherwise be utilised constructively) reading through your comments and making notes as to your preferences. Just in case anything needs to be reported to the relevant authorities, you understand.


Aside from the inevitable fascination with hot ballers, this week we discovered many of you have a proclivity towards mud, Darwinian theory and potato products. Which got us to thinking.

For your weekend homework, we would like you guys to describe the constituent parts of your perfect Kickette event. If we could go anywhere, do anything, invite anyone to celebrate our mutual adoration of all things hot, what would we do? A whistle stop tour around Kickette HQ has thrown up the following examples to get you started:

Location: Kickette Island, somewhere just off the Bahamas

Invitees: Marco Borriello, Pepe Reina, Joe Hart, Yoann Gourcuff

Daytime Event Schedule: Welcome pack/Baller Hosedown, Conference on Nudity In Football (A ‘How To’ Guide), Eyelash Curling for Beginners, Leg Wounds & Saliva: A First Aid Special

Evening Event Schedule: Popping body shots, Naked Twister

Food & Beverage: Milkshakes, Cristal, Tequila Slammers, Chocolate fountain, Tater Tots and a good quality cheeseboard

Feeling inspired? Good. Let your fevered and clearly unhinged imaginations run wild.

We would like to say that any ideas we consider better than ours would be utilised as a template for a Kickette bash to be held in the future. But when met our lawyers to tell them of our ideas, they trembled and actually began shedding hair. So, for their sakes as well as that of our livers, we shall simply agree to post a list of the best suggestions at a later date.

NOTE: Overly ‘descriptive’ comments will be removed. As a guideline,  a leg fur admiration session gets in. Smearing jam on it does not.

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145 Responses to “Kickette Island: Tater Tots & Body Shots”

  1. Zahara (Spain NT, Barca lover) says:

    i want the Entire Spanish national team on that island with me!

    also, a ‘look into my eyes ‘ booth sponsored by Jesus Navas
    God bless Kickette ISland!
    its now my new happy place.

  2. wow says:

    Location: somewhere therapeutic on the high seas(A cruise)

    Invitees/ Massage therapists: Loic Rammy, Lashes, Spanish national team, Borriello, & CR9.

    Daytime Event Schedule: french kissing carry out by massage therapist Loic Rammy( massage for your tongue and lip muscles!) Ass smaking,groping & giving dirty looks to us, carry out by massage therapist Borriello( massage for your gluteus muscles!) CR9 & his lovely assistance el Ramos will teach us tips on roasting of the skin, body waxing, & ofcourse how to carry a man bag/purse! Yoann G will than teach us how to get thicker darker lashes without using a mascara! Painting of the spanish NT nacked body( pick colors & brushes wisely ladies & some gentlemen)! Our yoga instructor of the day Yoann G. will show us yoga posses in the Nude(Naturally)! At the end of this thrapeutic event our lovely ballers will signature various body parts!
    Food & Beverage- return to kickette island!

  3. footieflu says:

    OK…. I'm late but things are already looking awesome at this fantasy Kickette party so i'm just going to add a few names just in case they are forgotten… First of all, Nani (i'm sure someone has added Ronaldo by now), Kiko Macheda….that guy is a sizzler. I would also like to have the Brazilian twins from United as well as Neymar. I think the rest have all been mentioned…. As for the location and and events…. I think my fellow Kickettes have said enough…… OOOOOOOOO I would also want to have Pato :)
    And the party must atleast be a week long event… or how about a month?

  4. Violets says:

    Deserted island, Michael Bradley.

    That's it.

  5. liberalbookworm says:

    9am : walk on the beach one lady and five ballers per group! sorry ladies we should keep it mangeable… the boys in lovely cabana boy outfits meaning lovely oh so lovely speedos and they are required to be dripped wet at all times :-D
    Lunch: strawberries and Bocamuffin :) haah I refuse to call him anything else but that… Lunch will be strictly one on one I know ladies I know! But you can choose a different baller for every meal :) I'll have a hard time parting with Boca but there are some yummies on the German NT that I'm sure would appreciate strawberries :-D
    three on one football lessons sans pants for the ballers mmm my first three would be Cesc Lampard and Pique Yes followed by sun bathing with Becks Yoann and Bocamuffin Oh girls im sorry im hogging him! I mean Cpt. America be still my heart <3
    Dinner/remaining evening activities: mmmm Im seeing lots of ballers starting in togas and ending in lots of well haha nothing :-D group reading of Les Miserables that the French NT must act out only wearing hats :-D Followed by the German NT and the American NT leading the group in fine art of skinny dipping lessons! one on one can be requested! :-D

  6. Emme says:

    lol…I think I have reached the point where I don't care if I sound crazy. Work was stressful last week. Work will be stressful next week, so this is a great distraction. These posts are hilarious. I am still giggling about the base layer bonfire. plus, none of my girlfriends are footie fans – Xabier, Marco, Boca, etc. don't even register with them!

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      Same here except for Memo Ochoa our Mexican goalkeeper. I guess I talk about him so much its like he's one of us now. But I hate having to explain who is who or call it soccer because if I say football they think american football and well not to put those guys down but they got nothing on our ballers…. And about the sounding crazy part…. I passed that line so long ago I don't see why I even bother to bring it up, lol.

  7. Emme says:

    Okay, so when I started formulating my dream Kickette Island, it started out being just a weekend thing, but after thinking more about it and being inspired by reading the posts of other kickettes, it kind of evolved into something that would probably take a whole week. So here goes….and since I have not been on Kickette all weekend, I hope this actually gets read :)
    Location: one of the more remote Dalmation islands in the Adriatic Sea. Sounds kind of weird, but I will not tolerate any distasteful working girls or WAGabees trying to crash things. Plus, Dalmatia is beautiful and picturesque.
    Invitees: Xabier, El Ramos, Boca, Marco, Benny Feilhaber Gerard Pique, Rafa Marquez, Becks, Diego Forlan, Joe Hart, Esteban Granero, Joan Capdevilla and since the Kickette army has a wide variety of tastes from sexy schoolboy Phillip Lahm to the primal, tarzanesque Carles Puyol, I have decided that all kickettes will be able to invite any baller they please with a couple of exceptions. Carlos Tevez will only be allowed if you can give me a good reason. Franck Ribery will under no circumstances be allowed and neither will Nigel De Jong (it would make Xabier too uncomfortable).
    Agenda/Itinerary: Late morning to early afternoon all kickettes will be treated to full spa services at the kickette compound while Baby Ballers will be in charge of continuously serving us with fruits, french pastries, and champagne. Bojan gets out of serving duty b/c of his tremendous popularity among kickettes. Meanwhile, all ballers will be mandated to attend seminars I think could be useful for them. They only have attend one per day. I think that is fair. Most importantly there will be Abs with Diego: how to turn your six-pack into an eight-pack. Tattoos: How to make your ink work for you and not against you – taught by Marco & Becks. Bedroom eyes 101 with Rafa Marquez where ballers will work to master the art of undressing with the eyes. 'Public nudity: It's a good thing' with Joe Hart and special guest Yoann Gorcuff discussing the merits of getting the abs out and dropping your trousers.
    The rest of the afternoon will be devoted to sunbathing, swimming, sailing, and cocktails (*note: all baller swimwear must be approved by Cristiano to ensure that bathing suits are short and tight to maximize thigh appreciation). The early evening will be devoted to a joint activity. These include a fashion panel discussion – GQMF vs. Hot Mess/Dressed at Gunpoint: the merits of each and how to make it work for you. I was thinking Xabier and El Ramos could be part of the panel. Any suggestions on who else? Book discussion led by el Ramos – I was thinking the book could be 'Love in the Time of Cholera' since it is both comical & romantic? This is also up for suggestion. Creative writing seminar taught by Gerard Pique. Painting: a primer in working with live models where each kickette will be able to choose the baller of her choice to practice painting the human form.
    The evenings will be reserved for delectable mediterranean feasts, drinking wine from the fully stocked kickette compound wine cellar along with fine scotch, tequila, etc. Lots of dancing, romantic strolls on the beach w/ baller of choice, etc until retiring to the compound for the evening w/ baller of choice.
    I will share, but if I promise to keep my hands off Pique & el Ramos, could I have a little extra time with Xabier?
    I am seriously sorry this is so long, but this week has been stressful & this has been the perfect distraction. Please feel free to suggest any other appropriate activities :)

    • wow says:

      Entertainment: Brizilan NT samba nicked.
      Mezut ozil sing a song title- what not to wear
      Nani, CR9,& el ramos- sing a song title Buy a mirror please!
      JT, Ronney, Ashley,Peter c, sing a song title- How to cheat on your Wag & get away with it!

  8. laligaforladies says:

    Definitely a "Help the Spain NT drink all that beer" and tapas party. (Champagne and cosmos are nice, but I'm a beer girl.) Obviously, other select Spanish footballers are welcome. Possibly in the Canary Islands. I'm sure Pepe Reina and Gerard Piqué will come up with some entertainment, with a few helpful reminders from us Kickettes to shed some of that extra clothing.

  9. Alone Gourcuff says:

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Kisses haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  10. Mrs.Pique says:

    Location: Private Island near Hawaii

    Invitees: Gerard Piqué, Xabi Alonso, Cesc Fabregas, Yoann Gourcuff, Clemens Fandrich, Nils Petersen, Sami Khedira, Diego Benaglio, Sergio 'Kun' Agüero

    Daytime Event Schedule: Welcome pack/Baller Hosedown, Conference on Nudity In Football (A ‘How To’ Guide), Eyelash Curling for Beginners, A First Aid Special, Dance

    Evening Event Schedule: Popping body shots, Naked Twister

    Food & Beverage: Milkshakes, Tequila Slammers, Chocolate fountain, Tater Tots

  11. manuela says:

    Oh Kickette, this is a great idea! Well, this is mine:

    Location: Carribean islands because they're many hidden, erotic places (I'm telling that from my own experience)!
    Invitees: Yoann Gourcuff and Marco Boriello ( I don't have to explain), Carlos Bocanegra ( since I'm born in New York, it's my obligation to put some guy from USA), Sergio Ramos and CR7( well, I'm madridista), Victor Valdes ( on my opinion, the sexiest player in the Spanish NT, he's so amazing)!!!
    Daytime event schedule: After laying and sunning on the beach ( in whole that period, guys are puting a lotion on my skin, paying attention that I don't burn on the sun) I'm teaching them to dive and some under water "games" ( one by one, of course), than twister and pocker in stripping! Of course, dress code is just a swimming suites and bikini for me but if they insist, I'll let them to be naked and as a great houst, I'll let them to take my cloths too! Well, don't judge me, they have to feel comfortable on our private party!
    Evening event schedule: Since our day was so intensive, for the night just some dirty dance and sexy chocolate massage ( I approve tongue use)! And later, all together in a huge bed and teching each other kissing and making love on the various ways and nations kinds ( that's why I chose players from different countries and I'm Serbian) and sharing experiences, everything practically, of course!!!!
    Food&Beverage: Unsticky cream with fresh strawberries ( that's a classic), grapes, Crystal champaghne, lot of chockolate ( because we'll play football too on my specially designed chockolate pitch), something spicy and honey and walnuts ( they are afrodiziak, just in case)! And after our celebration, I would have to move on the different planet because their coaches and mangers would chase me to the end of the world for making them so tired and hard! I think that after this, they won't be in a condition to even punch the ball or in the worst case, they will forget their own names!!!

    And i won't forget music, of course! Although he's not footballer, I would ask that gorgeous Greek singer Kostas Martakis to come with us and sing to us, all the time0 his voice is incredible! And after I left footballers to sleep, Me and Kosta can have our personal intimate hanging out!

    P.S. Why am I still losing time on this place, I gotta stuff to do! I'm laving now, I have to organize all this! That's a hell work but in the same time so sweet!!!

  12. @Dadillio26 says:

    So, after pondering this for about 5 minutes, which to me is an inordinately long amount of time…here's what I've got. The location would have to be tropical and luxurious, but other than that, I'm flexible. Initially, there's an open invitation for you know, any pro soccer player (especially the Italians, as they're my people, and the Spanish as I speak their language and lived in their country). Then, it's run America's Got Talent style…except instead of having talent, it's more of a "how hot/entertaining are you" competition. That decides who can stay. Mostly, I just want to buzz people (anybody French, haha!) Anyone who is obnoxiously pasty (aka British and/or Fernando Torres) would also need to prove their tanning abilities, as sunburn is not sexy. The activities would include: tanning, drinking, relaxing by the pool while drinking, dancing while drinking, and then end with a little more drinking. And that my friends, is really all I need in life. :o )

  13. Bebo Ronaldo says:

    …and a massive secret diary of a call girl style champagne glass right in the middle, only difference is that instead of Billie Piper it’ll be my CR floating in the bubbly while I sip, savouring every droplet!!!

  14. MissTorres says:

    It's gettin' hot in here.. *sing* :D

  15. Kikiiii says:

    Location:Maldives
    Invitees:Fabio Cannavaro,Yoann Gourcuff,Tim Howard,Carlos Bocanegra,Iker Casillas and Marco Boriello
    Schedule: Cocktails anyone,then a muddy push-up session (topless of course) then tequila body shots , a private seminar with each and every one of them at the pool,eating cherries and licking whipped cream off their abs,strip poker, naked yoga and a 6 massages: one by each!!!!! mama miaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  16. Chele Belle says:

    Location: somewhere between Fiji and Tahiti
    Invitees: Carlton Cole
    Food: cake, cupcakes and Pop-Tarts
    Drink: champagne, wine & cold caffeinated beverages
    Scheduled activities: naked Charades, naked poker & naked Wii

  17. Bebo Ronaldo says:

    Seeing as no-one els wants Cristiano I guess I’ll have to keep him for myself…all alone eating peri peri chicken of his tanned bod while he teaches me Portuguese in a very intimate teaching sesion that incldes rolling around on the beach and exchanging saliva not to forget ‘certain’ words he’ll be teaching me!!! ;)

  18. elylovesfootball says:

    Oh Kickette i love your posts :)
    ok here's mine..
    place: absolutely Bali
    invitees: Bocamuffin, Rvp, Piqué, The Ramos, Verma, Lashes and Xabi
    special guests: Nando, David and Zlatan (for the bitchface competition)
    daytime events: naked cooking time, massages, chocolate covered football, bitchface competition
    evening events: dancing, naked karaoke, water fight, partying all night
    food and beverage: pizza and icecream, exotic cocktails, margaritas, frozen drinks and whipped cream with chocolate and strawberries
    Wow if this was real it would be my perfect place to stay :)

  19. Rehab says:

    I want them to com to me so location will prolly be in a villa in malindi attendants will be jesus navas, sergio ramos, pepe reina, and cristiano ronaldo daytime events will be i know this might not be an event but its nice to go shopping with ramos and cristiano and have them pick out there fav heels and bags for me licking honey off some abs flamenco dancing staring into the eyes of navas and massages. F&B will consist of pineapples oranges and coconut milk. Evening events be entertained by pepe and all should then be dismissed besides cristiano and sergio where we will go skinny dipping in the pool and later cuddle for the night i wish it can come true

  20. Marie says:

    Kickette, loved your ideas.
    jus like to add the following events btw afternoon and eve, exclusively conducted by our Spanish shenanigans!…

    lessons on perfect bitchface – by Villa and Torres
    how to wax your eyebrows – Xavi
    fashion for the unfashionable – Xabi alonso (tis is a must take class for Iker)

    and finally

    FINGERS- Sergio Ramos

  21. Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

    This was fun! My perfect Kickette Island Resort would have the following features:

    Fun and games on the beach with Pepe and Daveeed. Or you could get fit with Puyi Pilates.
    Afterwards, and this is for the brave, the Ramos and Zlatan offer you a thorough Shiatsu massage.
    If you are still alive after that treatment you would have two intellectual/cultural events to choose from before dinner. Either you could join Pique for a litterature discussion, or you could taste wine and chocolate with Xavi and Iniesta.

    You should keep in mind that all the boys will at all time be topless (at least) and open for suggestions. And if this wasn´t enough, Bojan and jesus will be the bell boys, always at your service. How does this sound?

  22. Leya_S says:

    So all my ideas have pretty much already been voiced all the Kickettes on here, but I just have to say that I CANNOT stop looking at this picture!

    All I could think was "Good God, ZLATAN!!!!" As long as he shows up looking like THAT we're in business….

  23. SpanishFootieLover says:

    anything with Gerard piqué , David villa, cesc fabregas, and iker casillas and I’m good to go. love them so much! please more on them kickette! (especially the first two cuz they deserve more attention cuz of thier apparent hotness) Geri!David!

  24. Whitney says:

    I'm in starbucks and I just moaned at the thought of playing naked twister with gourcuff. Thanks Kickette!!!

  25. caitanya says:

    What a great distraction from work!

    Okay, here's my two cents' worth:

    Location: Some really really REALLY remote island in the middle of Oceania

    Invitees: Iker Casillas, Gonzalo Higuain, Esteban Granero, Andy Carroll (only native English speaker), Lukas Podolski (we need a blond), Simon Kjær (in case Lukas can't make it he can be fill-in blond), Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic just for the hell of it (it's not because of his bod, of course–no, never)

    Daytime event schedule: Wake up when we want to, swimming and/or tanning in the buff, frisbee golf, surfing, scuba diving, naked tango lessons

    Evening event schedule: More dancing to anything we want, doing the limbo, congo lines, pah-tay

    Food and bevvies: Fresh fruit, good cheese, good bread, anything citrus or anything with coconut, some bubbly, and for dessert, perhaps I can eat some mango slices off of ibra's body–with him lying down, i'm sure his torso alone can hold 3 sliced mangos

  26. Dana says:

    All I can think of is Yoann Gourcuff messaging me in the morning, and Michael Bradley and Benny Feilhaber dueling to the death(not literally) for my affections. :)

  27. Liz says:

    Location: My house!
    Invitees: Marco Borriello, Gonzalo Higuain and Sergio Ramos
    Daytime events: Cocktails by the pool, the boys fanning me in Speedos. Feeding my cherries and other berries with cream.
    Evening Event Schedule: Hehehehehehe. Facciamo l'amore!!!
    Food and Beverage: Tequila, sangria, lemonade… White chocolate (contrasts on their tanned bodies… actually normal chocolate for Pipita haha), all different kinds of fruits and if they want dinner, I am so nice that I will provide the directions to my local supermarket haha.

    • littlegirl says:

      i don't know if you are italian…but that "facciamo l'amore" written in italian make me laught!!i don't kwon why…!

      non so se sei italiana, ma quel "facciamo l'amore" scritto cosi mi ha fatto ridere troppo!!!!non lo so perche…!

    • littlegirl says:

      non so se sei italiana, ma quel "facciamo l'amore" scritto cosi mi ha fatto troppo ridere!!!!non lo so perche!!!!

      i don't know if you are italian, but that "facciamo l'amore" written in italian, make me luaght!!!!i don't know why!!!

  28. gin_in_teacups says:

    Okay, I have thought long and hard about this. Here goes:
    Location: Barbuda, near Antigua – From what I hear, it's got some of the most secluded beaches in the world.
    Invitees: Sergio Ramos and the rest of the Spanish NT, Stevie G, Benny Feilhaber, Boca, Poldi, Neuer, Granero, Raul, Daniel Agger, Niko Kranjar, Verma – others welcome, may be subject to a Kickette Approval Committee.
    Daytime Events: As I mentioned previously, skin vs. skin football matches. Followed by a pool party in which our fine footballers are required to carry the Kickette ladies around on their shoulders. Also as mentioned previously – swim up bar with shirtless ballers doubling as bartenders. Speed boats and water skis etc. made available to the more adventurous among us (image wrapping your arms tight around your baller of choice as the jet ski skims through the ocean) There should also be lounge chairs for sunbathing. And after all this strenuous activity, mandatory massage time.
    Evening Events: Delicious seafood dinner by candlelight. Lots of very tropical alcohol and cold beers. Dancing. And I gotta get on board with those body shots and the naked twister – definitely. Ending the evening classy-like with strawberries and chocolate. And then back to the rooms (all with king size beds of course) for some distinctly un-classy behavior :-P

    • senora ramos says:

      oh gin, i always love your posts!! and a+ for including el pirata!!

      • gin_in_teacups says:

        Ha – thanks :-) He totally doesn't get enough love! And I think he is by far one of RM's sexiest.

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      Remember to have lots of sushi on hand for the spanish team since Xavi our gossip boy told that they love that stuff. And how about oysters? I grew up arond beaches so I love seafood I'm game. Loved everything you said but the best part was "for some distinctly un-classy behavior"……….. way too find words that kick filter ass!!!

      • gin_in_teacups says:

        Sushi and oysters are some of my personal favorites. Mmmmm.

        Yes, us Kickette ladies need to be creative about our wording!

        • Pique_Xavi says:

          Oh yeah, some 'baller have some weird hobbies like going to pick fresh mushrooms… I know Pique and Xavi do that together, lol. Maybe having a garden and having them work the "field" could be nice.

          Creative writing goes out the window with me since my brain is clouded by all the naughty things spinning around in there.

  29. senora ramos says:

    swim bar, topless baller…wow O_O the places my mind is going with that!!

  30. Ali says:

    Figure drawing lessons with Fernando Llorente as the model!

  31. nando/liverpoollover says:

    i like all these ideas but wat about chicharito! i need hima nd nando and thats all!!!!! and possibly xabi alanso and sergio ramos and christiano and a few more culd stop by for a sleep over…..

  32. lonelySTARSHINE says:

    Aaaaa, a private island! yay! I always wanted to have one! :)
    Yoann <3

  33. hereforthenando says:

    A SWIM UP BAR MANNED BY AT LEAST ONE TOPLESS BALLER

    You have just described two things that I love the most (shirtless footballers and getting wasted) and harmoniously mixed them together. Dear GOD.

  34. Gabs says:

    Kickette, this is one of the most difficult assignments I have ever had to pull through!! Narrowing down took me a while, had to watch a bit of Germany and Portugal's matches to clear my head, Here goes nothing:
    Location: somewhere in Bora Bora
    Invitees: CR, Cesc Fabregas, Marco Boriello, Khun Agüero
    Schedule: Welcome cocktails; conference on bitch face with special guest Nando, how to improve your grooming (by David Beckham), and how to be faithful even if you have thousands of fans (by Kaká); naked yoga and finally a romantic dinner for five.
    F&B: only spicy food as hot as the guests (thai, indian, magrabi, mexican), and to drink coronas, Cristal, Chateau Lafite-rothschild

  35. Says_Who says:

    This is why I love you Kickette! This post has inspired me to write a short story about this topic. I can't reveal much right now but I know the French NT, Spanish NT, pools of champagne, and loin cloths will be involved ;)

  36. MadridistaJenn says:

    -Locale: Private Island, possibly Necker Island (Sir Richard Branson’s)
    -Players: Spanish NT, Real Madrid men, plus Ibra, Carlos Vela, Yoann Gourcuff, Robin Van Persie, both Cannavaro boys
    -Day Activities: Shirtless footy practice with the tightest shorts imaginable, sunbathing, swimming and other activities that involve little to no clothing. Daily competitions of sand castle construction, best complimentary skills, Speedo competition and best massage skills will be held as well. Private time will be granted at my demand.
    -Food/Drink: Meals are comprised of the finest quality ingredients and prepared by a world class chef that will be held prisoner, on call 24/7. Alcohol free flows from spigots in the shape of lips at all hours of the day.
    Nighttime: Endless feasting and fiesta, something similar to an ancient Grecian palace with live music imported daily. Beautiful frocks and the finest tailored suits. After dinner and dancing, someone will be banished from my paradise for not impressing me enough until the final two are left standing. From there, we will leave the island and I will split my time between the two in our beautiful estate/love shack.

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      I like Carlos Vela good choice. Look up Jose de Jesus Corona. He's a mexica goalkeeper and he is very yummy very island worthy.

      • senora ramos says:

        well, hello there jose. when did mexico start getting get completely hot keepers?!

        • Gabs says:

          It's a new thing it all started with Guillermo Ochoa

          • senora ramos says:

            oh memo…for me…hottest keeper ever (hell, he's one of the hottest ballers ever)

        • Pique_Xavi says:

          hey I'm mexican follow the league and still got shocked with pleasure when I saw that face, but he does need anger management classes before joining us in the island because I wouldn't want him to fight the other ballers… he tends to be the jealous type. He is hot though. I watch his team play just for him. But I hate his team.

      • MadridistaJenn says:

        Guapo! He just made the list (and my dreams).

        • Pique_Xavi says:

          Yes he's actually been in my dreams and I wasn't dissapointed ;) … I always forget to thank god for my brain and the way it works, lol.

  37. littlegirl says:

    my bags are ready…i think i can use my university study in nursing in case of sunburns…mmm spreading the sun cream on Yoann Gourcuff…he is almost becoming my favourite, BUT obviously, i didn't forget my love:
    we don't go anywhere without Nando!!!!!!!

    • Summer says:

      Non lo so perché è come una sensazione che ho, anche se non ti conosco personalmente, ma ti vedrei bene a fare la sexy infermiera con Yoann!!!! (Lui secondo me è il tipo che si presta a questo genere di cose…)

      • littlegirl says:

        seeee mmmmagari! io mi presterei mooooolto volentieri!!
        XD
        (cmq purtroppo sono proprio il contrario…il tecnico degli strumenti elettro-medicali dell'ospedale dove lavoro assomiglia un po proprio a Gourcuff(ti giuro), l'altro ieri è arrivato in reparto per la seconda volta,e io nn ho saputo fare di meglio che rimanere letteralmente a bocca aperta come una cerebrolesa, altro che infermiera sexy!!!)

        • Summer says:

          Beh se è propio figo come dici, sempre aspettando Gourcuff (perché nella vita in fondo non si sa mai), ci devi assolutamente provare…Però prima ti consiglio di progettare un piano d'azione, così la prossima volta che ti capita in reparto, agisci e non rimani solo a bocca aperta, guardando quanto è bello…Credo che in fondo sia sempre meglio rischiare che rimanere poi con i rimpianti, no?? (Però bisogna fare sempre attenzione a non incappare in una figura di m***a) :-)

          • littlegirl says:

            grazie per i consigli! a farmi fare una mezza figura di merda ci aveva già pensato il mio collega, e comunque lui nn mi era sembrato molto interessato :( …spero che si rompa qualcos'altro giusto per poterlo guardare e amen! :) :)

            • Summer says:

              Solo per farti sapere…il tuo bel Yoann Gourcuff ha segnato al 93' per la Francia, che per la cronaca ha vinto 2-0…Comunque per i consigli no c'è di che, anzi quando vuoi un consiglio, fammi sapere…:)

  38. senora ramos says:

    ok, i give up. had a great post(not xrated by any means) but i guess kickette didn't like it :(

    oh well.

    • As we’ve mentioned before the comment system can hold things in the moderation queue until we spot it and correct. Your comment has been OKd now.

    • BarceLisa says:

      lol senora ramos I love that you don't think it is x-rated but kickette does! you sound like the perfect guest for Kickette Island. I'm gonna ask receptionist Xavi to book you the Royal (or in your case, Real) Suite.

      • senora ramos says:

        lol thanks ladies!! tell xavi i just need a "king" sized suite with sergio and memo please and thank you. lol!

        • BarceLisa says:

          the Real suite comes in all-White (of course), has a state-of-the-art tanning bed and a walk-in closet minus the full-length mirror (we figured it would go to waste with the Real Madrid players).

          • senora ramos says:

            oh thank you! i don't want to have to fight with a piece of glass for el ramos's attention :D

            • BarceLisa says:

              with this in mind all guest staying at the Real suite get unlimited Champagne and a complimentary gift basket of aphrodisiacs. For Senor Ramos may we recommed the Tiger Penis?

        • Pique_Xavi says:

          I think we are going to need to share because I want Xavi too, and not sure if you know but there is such a thing as a California King bed are and they are amazing! I know someone who is 6"3" and had plenty of room for more, lol. I hope this doesn't get deleted but yes the filters are working overtime and its not fair this should be allowed…

          • senora ramos says:

            sharing is caring!!

            short run down on what was on there. my kickette girls and their baller of choice. for me, ramos and memo (yes, i get 2 and yes, i can share :D ). drinks, vodka, tequila and vino. food, marshmellow fluff, chocolate and strawberries. day time activity (on of a few, but my personal fav) how to tan w/o blinding suits. night activity (my overwhelming fav) base layer bonfire.
            off to daydream about some how making this a reality.

            • Emme says:

              LOL!!!! Senora- I rarely ever laugh out loud to something i read, but the base layer bonfire left me in stitches! You are a clever girl! I would very much like to be at this island of yours & I would not ask you to share Sergio with me. I would only ask you to give me a little extra time with Xabier

            • Pique_Xavi says:

              Yeah tequila shots sound very nice, specially when deciding where in the body do we put the salt and the bonfire sounds good too. There were some pics of Memo in just jeans and I can totally picture him laying in the sand with his wet curls on his face. I hope to have nice dreams tonight ha ha ha

    • Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

      That happened to me too on another post. And i really didn´t use "language". Or at least i didn´t think so. But it did involve Ramos:)

  39. Zinny says:

    We can't forget our guest speakers, David Villa and Nando Torres, here to give their award winning speech on how to do the Perfect Bitchface!

    • DeeRoma says:

      Love it!

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      I want a big poster picture of Villa's bitchface on my ceiling so I can stare at it along with a similar size poster picture of Xavi's serious game face for when I lay down and just think and for what is usually clear my head but now substituted by how can I make this island better thoughts.

  40. hereforthenando says:

    I will add suggestions as the day goes on, since my mind will obviously drift away to Kickette Island every ten seconds.

    Suggested Itinerary:
    11 am (I like to sleep in, okay?): Grating cheese off of my favourite footballers abs to make a nice lasagna
    12 pm: Naked football (inspired by Tim Howard)
    3 pm: Sergio Ramos and Carles Puyol hair braiding and leave-in conditioning treatments, followed by a vine-swinging seminar with the Caveman himself
    6 pm: footballer sculpturing (inspired by Tim Howard) but notably without fig leaves.

    I need some alone time now. I will be back, though, and creepier than ever.

    • Zinny says:

      LOL. Oh my God, hair braiding with Ramos and Puyol. You are a genius.

    • gin_in_teacups says:

      OMG Sergio and Carles hair braiding! And Vine swinging sessions – inspired!

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      Sorry but the hair braiding thing me no like, but I do find The Ramos's longer hair very interesting and this comes from someone who "hates" men with long hair but well I'm sure its not just the hair but his whole package together, mmmmm, I mean the whole package together that does make a girl lose her mind, lol.

    • caitanya says:

      LOL @ hair braiding! How stellar! Now that is something I would definitely love to see just for the massive amount of giggling I would be overtaken by for like, a week! :-)

  41. azezah says:

    doesnt matters who gets in or not. but certain Monsieur Yoann Gourcuff should attain the party at any cost. even if we have to raid whole France.

  42. i want more messi says:

    can you u pls put more pics of messi…he deserves more attention than u give him…plssssssssss

    • barcajilly says:

      im with you on this one… he may not be HHOF material for most kickettes, but i think this manchild is stalk worthy for sure. He's number one on my kickette island baller list… and just for insurance, ill stock up on ps3s and of course, legos.

  43. Summer says:

    I will go to an desert island only with John Terry and his tent…: )' and may I can catch with us Xabi Alonso to dry my tears and console me and Sergio Ramos and Gerard Piqué to make occasional sex…So HOT, HOT, HOT (Slurp!!!)

    • Pique_Xavi says:

      And this didn't get deleted??? LOL well not that I think is bad but I had posted something really innocent and went out :( But love to read all comments on this post. I do apologize if I comment too much but I'm so excited about Kickette Island.

      • Summer says:

        Nothing…But can I ask you a simple question?

        • Pique_Xavi says:

          Yes you can ask….

          • Summer says:

            Are you Spanish? If not, where do you come from? Also I have to ask you another thing…I have understood that you like Gerard Piqué and Xavi, but what is the thing of Gerard which do you prefer? I have to add also that it's quite strange that a girl likes Xavi like a sexy man and not only like a top-player…It's quite strange but I also like Xavi and I see him like a marvellous little angel!!

            • Pique_Xavi says:

              No I'm not Spanish as in from Spain. I'm Mexican and I live San Diego California in the United States. I do love both Pique and Xavi. And what do I like about Pique, physically speaking his voice, his eyes, and his jawline, and his sense of humor of course. Oh yeah and his hands and that pretty mouth. Football-wise I love that he gets into every match with a winning attitude and when he gets hit and bleeds he doesn't complain and gets up goes out the field and lets the game continue. I find that very classy of him. The boy has skills and he scores.

              Some people don't like him because he tends to talk very highly of Barca or because he chooses to speak catalan instead of spanish/castellano but he is deeply rooted to his hometown which means he really does care for his team aswell. I find some players lack what Barca players have and thats a deep connection to their roots. Aside from having a pretty face he seems to be a smart guy.

            • Pique_Xavi says:

              Its not so strange that I or we love Xavi as a man. I LOVE nerds and people find that odd but its attractive to me when someone is smart. Xavi got my attention because I love his style of play. I love watching him play so much so that I often tune out everything around me even my sister tells me that she's come to talk to me and that I don't even notice she's there. But I get that a lot when I watch a match.

              I find Xavi's face gorgeous, his serious face drives me wild but when he cracks a smile its like a ray of sunshine. I also love his hair and I don't know how to explain that one, lol. His tummy is quite delicious too even if there are ripple of abs absent, I love it. I didn't like the spanish accent before but those two got me drooling over it. His love for his family and the way he is so modest is so amazing. I think he's some of the few famous people that if I were to meet in person I would just freeze and won't say a word of how nervous I would be.

              • Summer says:

                Thank you for both your answer…Personally I agree with you in some parts and in some things which you have said…But the thing that I love more in Ger, if you want to know it, is that he's totally crazy and because of his madness he's special for me, not all people can be mad, and the people who are in common believed mad aren't really mad and so special… But Ger is the exception which confirm the rule…For me he is special because he's mad in his way, I adore this kind of men which reason with the heart before the head and he' s one of these…He really could be the right man for me because I'm exactly in some ways like him…But despite of I like him very much he isn't my favorite and he wouldn't be the man which I would chose if I had the possibility, because I look for something else, but he still remains an handsome, funny, wonderful, sexy man… The question of Xavi is a little different, because I imagine Xavi like a marvellous angel, but unfortunately I'm not able to imagine Xavi such as an attractive man…For me is only a top palyer, one of the best midfielders in the world, I love so much his style to play, he's way to be on the pitch ever an important player for all his team, his courage, his passion…But I can't imagine him like a man…But thank you because through you I have understood an known a part of him that I haven't imagine.

                • Pique_Xavi says:

                  No problem. As you can see by my answers I love to talk when it comes to Pique and Xavi. Not to offend my gorgeous Pique but where I live I actually get to see a lot of guys that look like Pique. So its not something I can really say that its what drives me to him. He is gorgeous and has a lot of things that the guys here don't have but specially that he loves and lives for football. Xavi for me is more than looks, his personality I find it to be unique too. I am attracted pshysically to the guy very much but there is something about him that I don't know how to explain that makes him irrisistable in my eyes. The one thing I do love about Xavi being the best is that he gets mentioned a lot in the league I follow the most which is Mexican so I get to hear his name a lot :) … It was nice chatting with you about my loves.

                  • Summer says:

                    I can say the same, it's wonderful talk with people, like you, in this case, who share your passions and your feelings in some cases about football and footballers…I live in Italy and I can say to you that isn't simple to find a girl who love and know what is really football, because so many times they can't understand you…But this is also a great excuse to talk with some boys, and between them you can always find a gorgeous boy!! ;) However I will listen and read what you will write and say and I hope we will continue to talk about our passions and share them!

                    • Pique_Xavi says:

                      Thanks. I didn't think that places such as Italy would have people who didn't like football. Its hard for me to find girls who take football seriously not just when they like some player, which is okay too but they only get interest during weeks then they don't care to talk about it anymore and what's harder is to find followers of my team. Men here either love baseball or american football and the ones that love football are my uncles but go for my team's rival, not much talk there, lol. Let's hope for more fun post. Oh and I too look forward reading your comments. I usually read as many as I can from the gals they are very informative and entertaining :)

  44. Pique_Xavi says:

    Okay so this isn't exactly new it has been months in the making and I truly want to thank DeeRoma and Barcelisa for all their great ideas. You have no idea how many time I was reading or watching something or getting instructions to do something and my mind drfited off into Kickette Island. Oh the things that went through my head. I would tell some but I'm afraid my comment would be deleted as soon as I hit the submit button, lol, and that's no lie :)

    I came out with an idea yesterday of what some 'ballers could do… I would so much would love to see Xavi, Pepe Reina, and The Ramos as dance instructors ala Dirty Dancing but not the boring country club part but rather the staff lounge part. But I would love to hear some more ideas and ballers. This is going to be so much fun. Oh yeah Pique would be a lifeguard/pool boy. The must: yoga, pilates and Puyi the instructor are there's a good reason for that LOL

    PS
    Don't forget the ketchup for the tots! And of course the oil to put on them…

    • DeeRoma says:

      Thank you for the props. :)

      • BarceLisa says:

        I would also like to thank the good people at Temptation Island, for corrupting/inspiring my young mind and giving me one less reason to do homework. Also, the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back (… ah Taye Diggs shirtless with a Jamaican accent…*faints*).

        • DeeRoma says:

          I would like to thank all my friends for encouraging my random yet creative way of thinking, plus Kickette for giving me a venue to sharpen my skills at, and the ballers themselves for being so damn inspirational.

          Just saying.

          • Pique_Xavi says:

            Thumbs up to everyone on this post, here! here! and cheers! That today nothing can wipe this smile or naughty thoughts away :)

      • Pique_Xavi says:

        Only where credit is due :) < —– literally me today.

    • Emme says:

      While it is a must that Gerard Pique be on the island & I think he would make a great lifeguard, I think some sort of system would have to be created, so we didn't all pretend to be drowning as an excuse to get Gerard's attention? Maybe we could draw numbers from a hat or something to determine the order we would pretend to drown.

      • Pique_Xavi says:

        Yes, I agree we can't have fights. We should all take numbers and that goes for all other ballers. Speaking of hats, I was imagining Fabio Canna being like a host and just walking around with a bow tie, a top hat, and black boxerbriefs…. just a suggestion.

  45. Sara P says:

    Location: Yet to be named island off of the Bahamas. It will soon be named though, but only to those who know what happens on the island. Our motto will be "What happens here, stays here" and it will be applied.
    Invitees: I am going to keep my list short (actually not short in any stretch of the imagination, but rather long) and stick with Sergio Ramos, Fernando Torres and Bocanegra. Yum! Need I say more?
    Activities: Learning to flamenco with our tongues, seperate trips with each of the boys to bath in the natural springs found on the island, midnight private sessions on how to annunciate spanish words with our tongues (yes, tongues will be used on this island….a whole lot), as well as spending some quality time discussing how "muy contento" we are on the island. I give this a big THUBS UP!

    There will be an all you can eat buffet…speaking in more than just food terms here ladies, as well as a mandatory no shirt, no shorts policy. No Shirt, No Shorts….then NO ISLAND BOYS! So they better follow the rules or else there may be a punishment enforced! :)

    Okay…that was fun! Back to the real world now….but first I must hose myself down with cold water! Yum!

  46. Abby says:

    Wow! This is much better homework than the memoir draft I have to write! Who needs to be an English teacher!? I'll be back…after I watch Spain play Lithuania…I'll be gathering fuel for the creative fire!

  47. senora ramos says:

    genius as always!
    for me:
    place: kickette island (really, we need to make this happen. i'll donate to the cause)
    invitees: all my kickette girls with a +1 pass for their baller of love/lust, el ramos, memo, marco, yoann, timmay, boca jr (capt america), shelf booty, el pirata, dahveed, xabi w/ beard, scruffy iker (no white shoes and plaid allowed, your suitcase will be checked upon arrival).
    daytime sched: proper ways to dress with lessons by xabi and yoann. appropriate celebrations for goal scoring taught by sergio ramos. tanning in nonblinding bathing suits (hmm, or no suits). all accompanied with sizable amounts of tequila and lime.
    night sched: baselayer bonfire…and i'll take naked twister and bodyshots as well!!
    food and bevs: tequila, vodka, wine. hmm, i guess we have to eat something…marshmellow fluff, chocoalte, strawberriees (all calories removed of course)

  48. heythereivannah says:

    I'm gonna need a few minutes with this one… BRB. :)

  49. Rossanera says:

    Godammit Kickette! I have REAL homework to do! My hypothetical clients are going to be REALLY pissed that I'm neglecting them!

    • DeeRoma says:

      I sowwy.

    • BarceLisa says:

      you sound stressed Rossanera. You need a vacation. I think I know just the place…

      • Rossanera says:

        Of course I'm stressed out. I'm a third-year law student. I am therefore either drunk or depressed. Those are my only two states of being.

    • MadridistaJenn says:

      Same here. I can't concentrate on Victorian imperialism while having Sergio ab fantasies. Must focus!

    • littlegirl says:

      welcome back Miss "i've got to study,i disappeared until the 6th of november"!!!!!!!!!!
      i'm happy to see you!

    • Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

      This is going to be so hard for you Rossanera! Keeping away, i mean. I hope you have great multitasking abilities.

  50. lorena_yGp says:

    Hmmmm-giant bed, endless trickle of tequila, chocolate,strawberries,Spanish NT + Gourcuff +Borriello + ME!!! Ok I will admit and CR7 :-) …" and they lived happily ever after " !!! :-)

  51. Blair says:

    I'm thinking something along the lines of a fancy dress party, but once inside footballers take everything off but their pants and their masks/headgear and the game is to guess who they are. Just an idea.

  52. blah_blah says:

    Oh, well, this may take a while hmm. I think I will have to look at some more pictures of 'ballers to help my imagination… Thanks Kickettes, now I have an actual excuse (apart from me wanting to) to stare at the Spanish Nation team for one hour… maybe Yoann as a guest star.. hmm, I'm gonna need a moment… ;)

  53. BarceLisa says:

    Dee your dream is now a reality (being on Kickette.com makes it real!) I'm so proud of you.

  54. Jo_ says:

    My brain imploded after listing Vida and a mudpit. Going to need a moment or three. Kickettes, you rock.

  55. DeeRoma says:

    After hitting every Borriello seminar, I would want to spend the rest of my time on the island/rest of my life with DDR just learning all that makes him tick and getting free Italian lessons in the process. Body shots optional.