July 1st, 2010

Kickette Men’s Underpants Research Institute: World Cup Study Findings Revealed

Don’t be fooled, dear readers, the Kickette Men’s Underpants Research Institute have had their hands full of World Cup subjects to study. The analysis in still in its early stages but our ever adept premier test subject, Cristiano Ronaldo, has already unearthed the metaphysical formula behind Upside-down Bulge: 1/2 Tight Shorts + 1/4 rear view + 1/4 pose and push.

Even though our findings are currently being reviewed/approved by NASA, we decided to give our loyal readers an advanced preview of the soon-to-be-published study, The Battle Bulge Faces For World Domination.


Dutch short tents bulge

Image via LIU JIN/AFP/Getty Images.

Safety Tent

Recall your primary days when the rule “no running with scissors” was ignored far and wide. The Netherlands’ Rafael van der Vaart demonstrates safety must always be first. When under stabbies attack, seek shelter in his shorts.

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World Cup short tents

Image via Getty Images Europe.

La Cosa Nostra

One player from Greece was coppin’ a Messi to ensure it’s all still there. Verdict? Indeedy, it is. The theme of this grabby guy’s tendencies is based on the inner secret societal workings of the Italian Mafia: keep your friends close, but your enemies’ bulge closer.

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Steven Gerrard short tent bulge

Image via Michael Regan/Getty Images.

Bulgitation

Gravity – or gravitation – is the force that causes two particles to pull towards each other. In this instance, may the force be with you.

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World Cup short tent

Image via VINCENZO PINTO/AFP/Getty Images.

Self-Adjustment Short Ghosts

When players are grabbing their own despite no one being home, our spidey senses tell us that Casper ain’t feeling too friendly some days.

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World Cup Short Tents Kickette

Image via Daylife.

Short Tent Soldiers

Simply put, they stand at attention and listen clearly to the biological chain of command. Falling below ranks, is unacceptable but still redeemable.

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Images via Getty Images.

Reflexolobulgey

When you go to the bang and they bang on your knee, it reacts. Applying that practice of reflexes, Spain’s Sergio Ramos helps bring Portugal’s Fabio Coentrao bulgey bits to life. Fabio also returned the favour to Brazil’s Dani Alves.

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27 Responses to “Kickette Men’s Underpants Research Institute: World Cup Study Findings Revealed”

  1. PinkLlama says:

    Haha, Messi doesn't seem to mind the grabbing at all. :P Oh god, I'm dying from laughter here! XD

    I'll never be able to look at football in the same way ever again. :<

  2. [...] Kickette Men’s Underpants Research Institute: World Cup Study Findings Revealed (kickette.com) [...]

  3. LoveFootballLoveFoot says:

    Ummmm not sure what to say or think but I'm GRATEFUL to have found such a professional and dedicated site. Messi was a big surprise in more ways than one. I too approve this posting and the next to come regarding this important matter which I'm sure if not knighted you shall receive a Nobel Prize for being able to get the ovaries of women of all ages and races to react in positively way without medication resulting in less inferlity.

  4. Mahshad says:

    oh come on! look at Messi & that player! LOL ,LOL! what a good phorographing! LOL , LOL , LOL! calm down player , what are u doing?!! ha ha ha! do u want to … it!! (can u guess?!!!)

  5. simone says:

    I like Rafa’s

  6. Inés says:

    Messi has something there….

  7. penelope says:

    Nice ass! ;) He is so damn cute!!!

  8. FootballerChick43 - "Mrs.Ballack" says:

    I think I cried from laughing so hard at this.

  9. MissEstonia says:

    How do I apply for a job at the KMURI?

  10. Tabby "SaucyAussie" Alejandro says:

    :O dayummm messis one kinda surprised me :D

  11. Karin C. says:

    we want more!!!!!!!

  12. rania says:

    Stevie G’s member looks more like a pinkie finger than man sausage.

  13. Isabella says:

    LMFAO i think i just shat my pants lmao

  14. aps says:

    Messi look like he's packing down there. I envy you Antonella.

    • Dee says:

      Sorry, CR7! Typo from distraction.

    • mila_casillas says:

      Bahaha! Brilliant. :D

    • Adriana Valentino says:

      Lord have mercy! Thank you for the links.

      Now if anyone can post a pic of Cristiano walking through an airport x-ray machine, that would help us gain a better understanding of just what size pizza we're dealing with LOL.

  15. julia says:

    Absolutely. Brilliant.

    Totally unexpected to see Messi in this kinda post but hey, I like it ;) Stevie G does it for me though … or, they all kinda doin it for me.

  16. liv says:

    somebody help me close my mouth!I like this research alot!

  17. caitanya says:

    YEAH!!!! This is what i'm talking about!!! :-D

  18. Bria says:

    Lol….this is why I think you girls should be knighted!! You bring joy to girls from all walks of life, and you are committed to making this world a better place with institutes such as KMURI, which helps to keep our ovary juices flowing. It must be very hard work sifting through and analyzing so much bulge. I commend you for your commitment to us. You just keep bringing the sunshine on rainy days!!

    P.S: RvDV is giving me all sorts of giggles and in the case of Messi, who said small guys can't give big performances?!?! ;)

  19. Alisha says:

    Messi may be small in height but he definitely isn't small below ;)

  20. Ines del Sol says:

    mai gawd Kickette that research is impressing! *bows* *drools over the results*

  21. senora ramos says:

    oh kickette, you ladies are so funny!

    and so appreciated. i feel a bit lecherous looking at all the man meat. :)

    • senora ramos says:

      i also want to say, i’m a bit jealous of leo’s girl. lol! i’ve always heard good things about short guys ;9

  22. Innocenza says:

    I approve this posting.

    Also, RvdV is cracking me up.