September 10th, 2009

Kickette Vocabulary: A Lesson in ‘Baller Bitchness

Behind Your Back Bitchface

As you may have noted, we are slightly obsessed with bitchfacin’ ballers. But what about the guys that give good no-smile face, hair and body?

There are various states of bitchassness that some may not be familiar with, so here’s a vocab lesson we should have learned in primary school.

Just like the national spelling bee (sans fainting kids, of course) we’ll provide the definitions and parts of speech. After some furious note-taking with your favourite pens and single-spaced notebooks, we’ll look to you to use this new vernacular in a sentence.

Bitch Flex: RonaldoBitchceps (noun)
Definition: tersely flexed arm muscles


















Sensei EvraBitchfu (verb)
Definition: martial arts mastery with a dose of angry, side-eye












Fernando Torres with...staples.
Bitchability (adverb)
Definition: degree to which one can form a bitch face whilst suffering through injury or adversity

Messi con BeardBitchstachio (adj.)
Definition: light face and/or neck fuzz sprouted by angel-face ballers to instill fear in opponents and convey attitude















ProctectabitchProtectabitch (verb)
Definition: a physical stronghold to be used in conjunction with a literal cut-eye for warding off evil, intruders; innate reaction to safeguard one’s children from harm






Perfect Form IbraBitch Fit Fiesta (adj.)
Definition: when all facial features express disgust in unison












BitchycakesBitchycakes (noun)
Definition: friend or foe who is in a particularly bitchy mood; may result in temper-bitch-trums.











Bitchface. Villa Bitchface.Bitchface Killer (noun)
Definition: one whose head to toe ferociousness renders you immobile, incapacitated and/or without basic motor skills.















Babybitcher (noun)
Definition: football offspring who display early, technically advanced signs of astute bitchfacin’.

Gen BB: Tea HenryGeneration BB: Summer Terry

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    lovely pic of Bitchycakes i like it

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  19. Definition: a physical stronghold to be used in conjunction with a literal cut-eye for warding off evil, intruders; innate reaction to safeguard one’s children from harm.

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  22. zenosubmit says:

    There are various states of bitchassness that we've formerly missed, so here's a vocab lesson we all should have learned in primary school.

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  23. seo toronto says:

    This is was coined on this show called NewsRadio, if anybody remembers it. It was used like, "Hey, Lisa, no need to go all bitchcakes on me.

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  29. mmm bitchstachio

  30. c9 says:

    How in the world did I miss this??!! ROFLMAO!!!!

    *big sigh* I love this site!!!!!

  31. Everything about this post is why I love Kickette. It's just epic. Pure brilliance.

  32. Bitchability, Bitch Fit Fiesta and Bitchface Killer are my favourites.

    Nobody can beat Torres and Villa when it comes to the bitchface.

    PS: No Thigh-off?? :(

  33. Terri says:

    Lol, loved the list, and bitchcakes (simliar word to bitchycakes) was coined on this show called NewsRadio, if anybody remembers it. It was used like, “Hey, Lisa, no need to go all bitchcakes on me.”

  34. Jasmine says:

    Bitchycakes is an immediate win, the use of the photo of Landycakes works so well.

  35. Mariam says:

    this is so great.

  36. Fer_Lahm says:

    Fer_Lahm likes this. 0 minutes ago.

    Bitchface Killer, *LOVE*

    In all my kickette-life, I actually I think that this is the best post that I've ever read!

  37. FootballerChick43-&q says:

    This. Post. Owns. My. Life. GREATEST THING EVER. I cannot stop laughing my face off.

  38. aristeia says:

    EPIC POST MADE OF WIN. I can't stop laughing, omg!

  39. Leah says:

    freaking wonderful. my roommate definitely thinks there's something wrong with me now after i just cracked up at my computer screen for five minutes.

  40. Beth says:

    lol :D

    Villa definitely is the undisputed king of the bitchface!

    That pic of raul is adorable!!

  41. Amy says:

    this was amazing…

  42. Ira says:

    ahahahahaha…Nandooo has the best bitchfaces!! xD

    And I've just noticed….my Croatian, Bilić, isn't bad either!!! hahahaha :D

  43. teamtoto says:

    LOL, kickette, you kill me! Bitchfu! Bitchface killer! :D

  44. teamtoto says:

    Raul's baby boy is THE cutest! OMG, he looks like an angel! no, seriously *stares at computer screen like an idiot*

  45. Sarah says:

    That picture of Raul…I die every time.

  46. imhereforthenando says:

    Fernando and David Villa's bitch faces are so epic. They win.

  47. nichola hasson says:

    BITCHTASTIC- something fantastic (seven gerrard)

  48. HiL says:

    LOL!! My favorite is Bitch Fit Fiesta.

  49. nichola hasson says:

    ITCH-TASTIC: something fantastic. i.e Alec currans fake tan! with a B infront ( website wont let me write it)