July 19th, 2010

Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet, Wedding Edition – UPDATED

Wes & Yolanthe celebrate their nups. Fashion police just out of shot. Images: Getty Images via Daylife, Reuters via Daylife

Oh, we love weddings. Where else can romance, controversy, crap fash choices and random bird hurling (all of the things that get us excited) be found in one tacky country club location?

As you know, we would normally take the opportunity to squeeze every drop of snark from such events, but in a World Cup year time is a-pressing for our ‘ballers and available dates are limited. So they all get married at the same time!

Please enjoy our hastily prepared highlights package of last weekend’s nups. While we procure headache pills.


Apparently colour-blinded by his participation in an unsuccessful but very orange World Cup final, Inter Milan’s Wesley Sneijder married Yolanthe in Castelnuovo Berardenga, near Siena on Saturday 17th. The groom expressed his devotion by wearing a deeply disconcerting shiny blue suit while the bride wore a Maria Karin gown which we have decided to refrain from commenting on. Except to say it’s awful.

The nups took place over three days (!) in a castle rented for the occasion and guests included Christian Chivu & wife Adelina, loads of Dutch slebs whose identities escape us, plus Sneijder’s son Jessey. Amusingly, an SBS6 reporter was embedded within the wedding party, firing up-to-the-minute news from the event to an unsuspecting Dutch public. We can only dream of the broadcasting guidelines that would be contravened if the BBC began a similar policy.


In the *slightly* less glam surroundings of St Andrew’s Church in Corbridge, Northumberland, Sol Campbell married partner of five years, Fiona Barratt. The couple met while Barratt was working for Sol’s then-girlfriend Kelly Hoppen, (but in an unusual move for an England footballer, Sol opted to break up with Kelly and wait a year before he began dating Fiona.)

Guests included Rio Ferdinand (left) and wifey Rebecca, David Seaman and partner Frankie Poultney and Ashley Cole. Oddly, the English public have not taken Ashley to their hearts after his recent text fails and those congregated outside the church on the happy day chose to alert him to this by booing his arrival. *snigger*


UPDATE: Here’s the beautiful couple in their wedding finery – they score the biggest points for flawless style on the big day, no? See more pics at Hola

Our snurfling through the deets on this happy union is somewhat tempered by the fact that the happy couple *may* have sold the rights to a glossy magazine. To them, this would mean carefully posed and artsy photos and a big fat cheque. To us? Minimum gossip fodder and absolutely no snarking about the dress/guests/duration of the ceremony, which probably wasn’t three days.

However. We really like Mikel and Lorena so we’ll respect their privacy and only tell you the wedding took place in a village in Mallorca, guests included Mikel’s Everton team mates, Xabi Alonso, Pepe Reina, Timmy Cahill was groomsman and the Spanish tabloids were so peeved at the ridic security they hired helicopters to fly over the event.

Sadly, we didn’t think of that. Apparently, Mikel and Lorena are holding off on honeymooning due to Mikel’s training.


A casual snap from the Heitinga’s wedding via thefashionspot.com

And finally, in an admirable attempt to do his bit for inter-Liverpool relations, Everton/Netherlands defender Johnny Heitinga married former Liverpool midfielder Boudewijn (Bolo) Zenden’s sister Charlotte-Sophie in Ibiza on Friday. Rafael & Sylvie Van Der Vaart were present at the bash, which also took place over three days.

Daughter Jezebel acted as cutie pie bridesmaid at the do and unlike his Dutch colleague Wesley, Johnny swerved the 1970’s car salesman look with a smart white suit. A good call, we feel.

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49 Responses to “Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet, Wedding Edition – UPDATED”

  1. Getting this article I am really so impressed…!! It is really so helpful to me. It is that I was looking forward to get such a post. A big thank for sharing this post. Keep it up….

  2. dcubetcha says:


  3. Barbaravka says:

    I've tried to type an decent comment for the Sneijder wedding but I just can't find the right words haha. But ''white trash'' pretty much says it all.

  4. Dominique says:

    Awww Everyone looks gorgeous and happy! Congratulations to all of 'em! But what's up with all the post world cup nuptials? five so far I think..??

  5. Pam says:

    I dont liike Mrs Yolanthe's gown, neither his suit. It looks tacky.

    I really dont like the way they look together, she kind of to "big" for him :S

    • michelle says:

      Ooh, definitely, the word I was looking for – “big”. She actually looks kinda big for him, or maybe its just her high heels … (not counting his 1.70 height

      Congrats to all the couples :)

  6. EternalDreamer says:

    Wesley's suit? 70's throwback with a *touch* of silk or no? Yikes! Congrats to the couples!

  7. aps says:

    The tacky/sleazy wedding look seems to be the perfect thing for wesley and yolanthe seeing as how they got together. I can see them divorcing soon. Heitinga and is family look beautiful and so does Sol and his bride. Mikel's wife looks too simple for me.

  8. Zlatanista says:

    I love weddings! They can be great, they can be horrible, but you always remember them (unless you have looked to deep into your champagne glass :) ) I wish them all luck. But, oh man, the Sneijders… Fiona and Sol look mighty fine, though!

  9. Inés says:

    I hate weddings! I mean, I like the wedding parties, but that's another thing!

    Yolanthe's gown is horrible!

  10. Johanna says:

    All the couples look great! I can't help but say Wesley looks so cute in his tux and Chivu walking with his wife. May they all live happy, long lives.

  11. Ess-Jay says:

    Awwwwwwh! They all look so adorable! I love love love weddings.. And better still, baller weddings! :) Awwwwwh… And Heitinga's daughter is gorgeous! Awwwhhhhh….

  12. Mrs.DiegoForlan says:

    oooh so many engagements/weddings! congratulations to all of them!
    ps: i actually don’t mind yolanthe’s dress all that much…i think its quite artsy :)

  13. fembot says:

    oddly enough I don’t mind the shiny and blue atrocity that is Sneijder’s suit. Congrats to all of them!

    • Dee says:

      It makes me laugh but I’ve seen worse. Add in a pink ruffled shirt, then there is a conversation starter.

  14. Sham says:

    WESLEY SNEIJDER & YOLANTHE CABAU VAN KASBERGEN Oh thats a v cute couple ! And the weeding is just loooks like a fairytale!Wooooow She s gorgeous !
    Happy life to all this couple : )

  15. Stephanie says:

    It's not an dutch tradition haha!

    But he, they've got the money, and they are spoiled so jeah, why shouldn't they do something like this?

    I don't like the couple Sneijder very much… neither what they are wearing. The wedding is a bit overdooing.. but he, that's just what the people want right? :)

  16. Liz says:

    here's a pic of Mikel Arteta & wife Lorena Bernal


  17. Barcelista says:

    Oh thats so cute :D Look at all those happy couples.. Big congrats to them all! :)

    BUT I wouldn’t wear Sneijders suit even if someone paid me to! IMO it makes him look trashy – I mean of all the suits in the world.. Seriously.. Was that the best he could do?!?!? SERIOUSLY?!?!? Fashion-police-yes-pleeaase!!

    • Barcelista says:

      OMG I just noticed the WAGs dress (apparently I was blinded by the silky-satin-something-70's suit before).. And the dress is horrible too..!! What is going on with these two?? Well I guess it's a fashion failure match made in heaven :S

    • LOL, Wesley IS trashy! To me it was no surprise that he spent a sh*tload of money on a fugly suit.

  18. Ana;) says:

    Sneijder ahhaha! That suit is awful! Why would his wife do this to him? Why would you let your hubby go out like that? Now that’s just mean loool
    Heitinga is a good example for Wesley! This is how you should be dressed!
    Btw his bubba is sooo cute! My goodness what is it with ballers and cute babies?
    congrats to all those that got married!

  19. jecca says:

    It’s a pity; that colour is quite lovely on Wesley. But for the love of God, not a satin suit! Why not a cashmere jumper or something?

  20. Amanda says:

    that last picture killed me a little bit. That baby is seriously adorable, specially in beige.

  21. sarrible says:

    I love Fiona’s gown. I love it so much. Her groom’s not bad looking either.

  22. izzy says:

    The wins go to Fiona's dress and Rio's white/tan suit combo.

  23. simone says:

    Such an ugly dress for such a beautiful woman. Jan Smith wasn't present, jolanthes former boyfriend she dumped for Wesley

  24. senora ramos says:

    i love fiona's dress. charlotte-sophie's is perfect for a beach wedding. and that bubba, awwww. no comments on the sneijders…either of them. hoping for pics out of spain soon!

    congrats to all of the happy couples!

  25. tammyv says:

    They named their daughter Jezebel?? JEZEBEL? I guess I should assume it does not have the same mean as it does in the States?

    Wes and Yolanthe – They are matching fashion disasters…he has on a powder blue suit with SKINNY legs.

    Sol and Fiona..adorable and appropriate.

    Mikel and Lorena – I need pics, but I am feeling classic and lovely

  26. Lola says:

    You stay classy, Sneijder.

    I love Charlotte-Sophie's dress, it's absolutely gorgeous.

    Hopefully we'll eventually see Arteta wedding pics!!

  27. lilygold says:

    Fiona's dress is gorgeous, Vera Wang I reckon.Question for the Sneijder's : Why oh why !!!!!!! On another point I would be cream crackered after three days of celebrating, Good God think of the Hangover.

    • tammyv says:

      Fiona's dress looks Monique Lhuillier

      • Yea, i agree wit Tammyv, her dress looks VERY much like Monique Lhuillier! But I like Yolanthe’s dress, I might not chose it as my wedding dress, but I think its very artistic, high fashion, haute couture style which is nice, and better yet, different. Heitinga’s new wifey’s is is too simple though.

  28. peppy says:

    I know this sounds really bad but everytime I hear a soccer (yes I call it soccer!)couple are getting married and they have known/been together for less than five years I think it will end in divorce.

  29. Steph says:

    Congrats to all of them! :) Fiona's gown is probably my favorite out of all of them, tbh. Love it. Wonder who made it?

  30. Spurs99 says:

    That picture of Sneijder and his wife releasing doves looks like something that comes out from a fairytale book.

    • liv says:

      for sure, but congrats to them though!

    • AKA says:

      I think it might be a Dutch tradition (don’t quote me on that though); the Van der Sars did the same thing at their wedding in ’06! :-)

  31. Erin says:

    Congrats to all!