March 2nd, 2010
La Roja: Fashion in the Wilderness
We pride ourselves at Kickette for being a fun, jolly place for readers to spend a coffee (vodka) break, but sometimes we need to get serious. And so, we are obliged to supply a cautionary tale for Wagabees everywhere.
You see, whilst your man is playing at his club, ones ability to exert influence over his wardrobe choices is unquestionable. Indeed, some might argue clothes control is a right, not a privilege. However, when national team duty calls, he may end up unsupervised, responsible for his own fashion choices.
Inevitably, the pack instinct takes over. He will seek refuge within the group. Bad fash choices will be made. Let’s analyze the proof.
Today we have the Spanish NT arriving for training, demonstrating some of the most classic errors committed when a group of males is released into the wilderness with only their cunning and guile (and a small suitcase with wheels) to protect them.
As can be seen in the opening photograph, the mature male will naturally flock towards a closet staple. The patterned jumper. Purchased in bulk from anonymous mail order firms, we can see the net effect is to create a blur, thus preventing heavy sartorial critique falling on one individual. A classic survival technique.
The more insecure members of a team will immediately revert to child-like behaviour in order to stir the nurturing instinct in women. Shorts only hasten this process, generating ovary spasm and the mothering instinct takes over. Street poses a la New Kids on the Block meets Indiana Jones on Nyquil? Models’ own.
The Plaid Shirt
A staple of most mens’ wardrobes, the plaid shirt is a surprisingly versatile garment capable of provoking delight and/or horror depending on how it is accessorized.
Here, Fernando Torres demonstrates that a casual unbuttoned look, paired with a simple grey t-shirt creates a delicious puddle of wuvverly.
Iker Casillas chooses to tuck his into a pair of jeans with his infamous white belt thus rendering himself unavailable for further commentary.
Xabi Alonso, meanwhile, demonstrates a deep understanding of fashion by merging two different styles, the jumper and the plaid shirt. This is a dangerously risky technique that should only be attempted by a true professional. We think Xabi pulls it off. Just.
We having nothing. Nothing.