August 11th, 2011
Landon Donovan: Do You Miss Him?
No, you’re not having ice cream with sprinkles until after the game. M’kay? Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
Kickettes? It has become evident in recent weeks that we are not paying enough attention to Landon Donovan. The LA Galaxy and USMNT midfielder tends to be overshadowed by his prettier and taller (see above) team mates and in lieu of having anything newsworthy to write about, we have decided that we must immediately conduct an investigation into Landon’s recent activities to find out whether we’ve missed anything particularly manly or interesting.
Please. Join us.
Image: AP Photo/Alex Brandon/Daylife.
The first test in any true ‘Kickette Worthiness Challenge’ is how the subject responds to children. Here we see Landon very kindly signing a football for a young fan. We can tell the kid is a fan because he is wearing a shirt with his hero’s name and squad number on the back. Landon is also providing a positive masculine influence to the kid by displaying his nummy guns, although we had to deduct a point for a lack of eye contact.
Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
Here’s Landon putting on his cleats. This photo is open to interpretation, and therefore, for the sake of the integrity of this post, we’re going to pretend he’s booting up in case anyone needs an errand running. Or bar snacks.
Image: AP Photo/The Canadian Press/Daylife.
Of course, the thing that really gets us ladies going is all out muscle. Admittedly Landon isn’t exactly a gorilla-juice head, but as the above image shows, when it matters he can pull out the passion.
Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
And finally, the dealbreaker. The lip-bite is a killer move in any female’s armoury, but to see a dude do it with such shameless aplomb is quite moving for us. Landy, we’re sorry we neglected you. Now how ’bout whipping that top off and showing us the other reasons we should be ashamed of ourselves?
(Ed Note: these things usually have some sort of grading system, but unfortunately our office calculator exploded when someone tried to work out this month’s legal bills and we can’t do adding. Sorry.)