August 11th, 2011

Landon Donovan: Do You Miss Him?

No, you’re not having ice cream with sprinkles until after the¬†game. M’kay?¬†Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Kickettes? It has become evident in recent weeks that we are not paying enough attention to Landon Donovan. The LA Galaxy and USMNT midfielder tends to be overshadowed by his prettier and taller (see above) team mates and in lieu of having anything newsworthy to write about, we have decided that we must immediately conduct an investigation into Landon’s recent activities to find out whether we’ve missed anything particularly manly or interesting.

Please. Join us.

Image: AP Photo/Alex Brandon/Daylife.

The first test in any true ‘Kickette Worthiness Challenge’ is how the subject responds to children. Here we see Landon very kindly signing a football for a young fan. We can tell the kid is a fan because he is wearing a shirt with his hero’s name and squad number on the back. Landon is also providing a positive masculine influence to the kid by displaying his nummy guns, although we had to deduct a point for a lack of eye contact.


Image: AP Photo/Daylife.

Here’s Landon putting on his cleats. This photo is open to interpretation, and therefore, for the sake of the integrity of this post, we’re going to pretend he’s booting up in case anyone needs an errand running. Or bar snacks.


Image: AP Photo/The Canadian Press/Daylife.

Of course, the thing that really gets us ladies going is all out muscle. Admittedly Landon isn’t exactly a gorilla-juice head, but as the above image shows, when it matters he can pull out the passion.



Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

And finally, the dealbreaker. The lip-bite is a killer move in any female’s armoury, but to see a dude do it with such shameless aplomb is quite moving for us. Landy, we’re sorry we neglected you. Now how ’bout whipping that top off and showing us the other reasons we should be ashamed of ourselves?

(Ed Note: these things usually have some sort of grading system, but unfortunately our office calculator exploded when someone tried to work out this month’s legal bills and we can’t do adding. Sorry.)

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41 Responses to “Landon Donovan: Do You Miss Him?”

  1. rae says:

    thank you for this!!!! landycakes is that guy you don't really notice at first…but then you realize how really freakin awesome he is! receding hairline and all.

  2. KalehuaRSL says:

    Nope, do not miss him one bit. I do miss seeing Boca grace the pages of Kickette (major hint hint – wink wink there…..) And how about some MLS eye candy?? RSL – Alvaro Saborio, Jamison Olave, Will Johnson, Chris Wingert… I dont really know the other MLS players (besides the NE Revolutions Benny Feilhaber), but im sure there are US Kickettes who can remedy that :)

  3. Laura says:

    Don't understand the women who don't find him attractive – cheekbones, great body, even receding hairline is great in my book. Obviously some of you missed his torso baring celebration in the 2002 WC – that was positively orgasmic. Very sexy man.

    Kickette – if you want to see him with kids, the video with him and the Make a Wish recipient is a must see – incredibly touching & adorable.

    More features on Donovan please!

  4. Mol says:

    Landon is awesome and gorgeous. Cant believe people are so negative about him, anyone who does has some issues that take precedent to any sort of human feelings. US soccer has a lot of heros, but Lando has carried a lot of the weights with his perfectly conditioned bod.

  5. Ms. H says:

    I dig him. He recently spent some time as a counselor at a camp for amputee kids. His ex-wife Bianca Kajlich is very involved with it. She raised $ for the camp and he sent each donor (who requested it) his signature on a piece of a jersey. Fab player and obviously a pretty decent fellow. I like.

  6. Sydney says:

    Kickette, please don't burn my retinas with further images of primadon-ovan.

    I do implore you to subject us with scandalous photos of Bocanegra, Howard, and Holden though.

  7. thelovehater says:

    Miss him? I never knew he left! I think he's pretty fantastic.

  8. Carolina says:

    Love the pic of Landon with the little boy!! I love it!! Great angle too!!

  9. Sophie says:

    Definitely a little small in stature for me, and every time he takes the pitch he just looks like a thug. Doesn't do it for me, sorry Kickette.

  10. Carolina says:

    How about a feature on Carlos Bocanegra Kickette? Pretty please :) . I miss him!!

  11. Gabs says:

    I just can't believe he has as much support as he does. He's going bald and not in a Ljungberg sort of sexy way. Plus he's so annoying off and on the pitch. I think he's a waste of space in this site, I mean if you want to see US man candy who'd you rather see: him or Bocanegra? NO competition whatsoever.

    • Brian NK says:

      bald is not sexy at all but Freddie is so good looking it doesn't matter, Donovan is good looking but maybe not as much, maybe if he shaved his hair would look better

  12. camille says:

    not gonna lie. can't stand the man.
    but he can PLAY!!!!!

    • FCDALLAS says:

      SAME!!! He is a jerk in every meaning of the word…it's even hard to like him when he's playing for the USMNT!

  13. black widow says:

    "Landon Donovan: Do You Miss Him?"

    in a word? No.

  14. gillianrosh says:

    Landon has a smile that is equal parts sweet and sexy.

  15. LaShawn says:

    Landon is really gorgeous. I love Landon. I think I love him so much because he is just a really really nice person. I met him twice, and he is really sweet. Love that dude. He may come across in interviews like he wouldn't be a nice guy, but if you actually met him, he is so appreciative and genuine. Really gorgeous in person too.

  16. k-9 says:

    umm….yeah, i dont think he's worth being put on kickette unless he's done something super scandalous…..i don't have anything against him or his playing…..he's just kinda there

  17. Sara P says:

    I freaking love Landon Donovan. I think he is what a professional athlete should be…and I truly find him very inspirational. Last night was a side of Landon that we haven't seen in a while….and I have MISSED him so very much! SO glad to have you back Landon!! :) He sure did tear up the field last night! I can't wait to see the future of the USMNT….and I know that Donovan will always be a part of it. :) Also, I do not think he is douchey in anyway. I think he has just been frustrated….as have most of the other players as well as the fans for their play over the past few years. Can you blame the man for being disappointed? I can't….but cheer up Landon….we're on our way BACK!!

  18. littlegreenpea says:

    nope. I really can't like him. He seems like an asshole. Sorry but that's my opinion. I just realized how short he was, too. Because Michael Bradley isn't THAT tall, but he is kind of hot… but he looks way too much like his dad for me to like him THAT MUCH. On the other hand, I admire Brek Shea, and he has nice eyes, but his hair is way to… uh… WIERD for me… also, did ANYONE notice juan aguadelo. (i have no idea how to spell that.) He could grow up and be hot one day. Just saying. ;)

    • Leya_S says:

      You're reading my mind! Im not an LD fan on a personal level bc often he says things I don't like but I must admit that he's actually pretty brilliant on the pitch.

      And IMHO Juan Agudelo is already hot. He plays for my home team and I love him. He's been added to my (rather long) list of hot baby ballers!

      • littlegreenpea says:

        wow. there is obviously a huge landon donovan fan base here! It was just my opinion! Jeez!!

    • Brian NK says:

      bradley is over 6 feet tall he's a big soccer player, Donovan is 5' 8" only an inch under the average height for a man, not not that small.

      Juan Aguadelo? Well I guess if you into black guys.

  19. Bri says:

    No, I can honestly say I don't.

  20. Moi says:

    Landon played SO well last night, and I admire his restraint in not ripping someone's head off after Mexico deliberately tripped him and the ref didn't blow the whistle.

    • TFBlovesArsenal says:

      Not only that, but he kept his cool even after a Mexico fan threw a water bottle at his head when he was exiting the stadium. I was at the game and all he did was give an incredulous look at the guy, shake his head, and walk out. His behavior isn't always perfect, but he was a total class act on Wednesday, and I was really happy with how well he played.

  21. doug says:

    Chelsea could use him….just saying.

  22. Lea says:

    I don't find LD attractive physically attractive, nor am I attracted to his personality. He's one of those players that just comes across as a self-absorbed jerk to me.

  23. LoveBecks says:

    Never been a fan of LD. Great player, but meh.

  24. Yanks4ever says:

    Landon Donovan is, was, and always will be a giant douche. No man who is that much of a douche can ever be hot. Kickette should focus there attention on more worthy questions-L Beckerman's dreads, yes or no? How adorbs is Brek Shea? Stuart Holden, do we want to feed him cookies, do sassy, sassy things with him, or both? And ignore Lando, except when he's playing. If we're going to talk neglected members of the USMNT, Juan Agudelo is filling out nicely.

    • liz says:

      I agree. or how hot is Michael Bradley when he actually smiles? He has been severely underrepresented on this site.

    • LoveBecks says:

      Beckerman's dreads are effing hawt! They're best when he twists them up so they poke every which way. Love him. He gets bonus points for rib tats. Yummy yummy, and he's a nice guy too. Brek Shea… I hate when my team plays against him – the guy is a beast! Such a fantastic player. He does some pretty insane and borderline unforgivable hairdos though! ;)

    • PepaCandela says:

      and as of last night: Oh, hi, Robbie Rogers! (that said I have no problem with LD)

    • ochocincosays says:

      HEY HEY HEY! NO LANDY HATE, its his voice that makes him sound douche-y. He can't help that. . .its like a southern california pot smoking "f everything i just want to surf and eat fish tacos allday" kinda thing. When you hear his interviews, you can see that he really isn't all that bad honestly. Its just too bad his hair line is receding so fast, and his head is so awkwardly shaped he cant really rock the bald look =/ BUT I LOVE HIM anyway.
      ANDI personally think Robbie Rogers is soooo cute, I always found it weird how neither if the bradleys seemed to like smiling but I always thought Michael was hot =P!
      Maybe the USMNT will do better under Klinsmann (cuz honestly we couldnt be doung much worse) #INKLINSWETRUST

  25. Hot4Spurs says:

    I wouldn't put him in the finest five, but I love how this man works! Donovan was winning balls back, nipping balls away. There is much respect for this guy.

  26. sorin says:

    he should go to a top european club

  27. Carvivlie says:

    Not attractive in any way and would rather be a big fish in a small pond than be a small fish in a competitive league.

    • Amy says:

      Actually, has has openly expressed that he would have liked to go back to Everton but the MLS wouldn't allow it to happen because they know he is the face of American soccer. Landycakes is great – he has done more for USA soccer than anyone else on the planet. Why all the hate?

      • Sydney says:

        His way of 'doing more for USA soccer' is being a role model for how not to act on the soccer field. I've never seen him not berate or get in the ref's face for any 'questionable' call made against the USA. What kids see him doing to referees is exactly why our youth leagues have little to no respect for decisions made on the field by officials.

        SO happy that Bocanegra has the captain's armband and not Landycakes (still without nuts)

        • Brian NK says:

          refs make a lot of bad calls, you can't blame players getting a little heated. It takes nuts to express yourself and that's exactly what landon donovan does. If what he does is so bad the refs would give him a card.