July 19th, 2012

Let’s Play: Sell, Sign, Seduce

english goalkeeper fair blond hot

We’re fans of fantasy, make believe, the occasional slashy lit, and although we’ve done this sort of sizzle query many times over, why not put a Barbara Berlusconi-type spin on things for kicks?

Side note: see what the lull between competitive NT football and domestic season football does to us? We’re reduced to invalids whose limbs go numb every time we’re forced to type words and formulate original thoughts.

So Babs, she’s kind of our hero. She’s rich, has great blond and red hair and wields some power as a director at AC Milan. Miss Berlusconi’s title doesn’t give her total control over keeping or selling players, but the position does have its perks. Like, she gets to pick and choose who she sexes from the first team.

What lies below, Kickettes, will probably not make any sense. But close your eyes and tell us from the following trios who you’d sell, sign or seduce if Barbara’s powerful Loubs were on your feet anyway. Or just tell us your thoughts on other players. Whatevs.

- The Sergios: Ramos, Aguero, Canales. A triumvirate of hot that could lead to questions being asked in the boardroom if you occasionally allow your professionalism to lapse.

- Bewildered Owners: Mike Ashley, John Henry, The Glazer Family. *Shudder*

- Fine, Fit & Fair Skinned: Bastian Schweinsteiger, Kasper Schmeichel, Philippe Senderos. Requires lots of SPF slathering.

- Sexy In Skivvies: Harry KewellFreddie Ljungberg, David Beckham (for H&M, not Armani). Full kits are child’s play. These guys you keep will only wear designer briefs, never boxers. Also: leaders of the penis pack. Vroom vroom.

- ‘Ballers Behaving Badly: Ashley Cole, George Best, Mario Balotelli. They’re hard to contain off the pitch, which could pose problems for your club’s PR department.

- Moldy Oldies: (Original) Ronaldo, Pele, Maradona. The beautiful game doesn’t always age gracefully. Also known as saggy, sleepy and snorty.

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7 Responses to “Let’s Play: Sell, Sign, Seduce”

  1. Oh god. I need time to get over the owners image before I can think clearly about my other choices. Shudder indeed.

    Enter The Blossom Shed's very first giveaway, and win one of four beautiful bottles of Suti Rejuvenate Face Oil!

  2. xoWinnie says:

    before I begin, would I be able to sign Sergio to my bed in order to seduce him? if not, my plans for his sexual domination will have to be revised…

  3. Leya_S says:

    The Sergios:
    Seduce Ramos, Sign Aguero, Sell Canales
    hurts my heart bc SC is so adorable, but Kun is sooo good so i have to sign him, and then El Ramos: I mean, c'mon, is that even a question?

    Bewildered Owners:
    Uhhh PASS.

    Fine, Fit & Fair Skinned:
    Seduce Senderos, Sign Schmeichel, and Sell Schweini
    Unfortunately, Bastian has been dropping the ball as of late (Champions League final PK, plus not the best Euro performance) so he's out; Senderos is one of my "prison break" ballers, love him.

    Sexy In Skivvies:
    Seduce Kewell, Sign Becks, Sell Ljungberg

    Ballers Behaving Badly:
    Seduce George Best (RIP), Sign Super Mario, Sell Ashley Cole.
    I seriously can't stand Cashley, and George Best, those eyes….

    Moldy Oldies:
    Jesus (Navas) this one's painful…PASS

  4. IrishBlue says:

    - The Sergios:
    Sell: Canales
    Sign: Ramos
    Seduce: Aguero (HELL YEAH)

    - Bewildered Owners:
    Sell them all please and thank you, I'll do without.

    - Fine, Fit & Fair Skinned:
    Sign: Schmeichel
    Seduce: Schweinsteiger (more than happy to rub sunscreen into that body..)

    Sell: Beckham (he just never did it for me)
    Sign: Ljungberg
    Seduce: Kewell.

    - ‘Ballers Behaving Badly:
    Sell: Ehh…
    Sign: Ehhhhh……
    Seduce: None?

    - Moldy Oldies:
    The pure fact that they are described as "moldy" says it all really.

  5. German_Girl says:

    The Sergios: Ramos – Seduce, Aguero – Sign, Canales – Sell

    Bewildered Owners: Do I have to??

    Fine, Fit & Fair Skinned: Schweini – Seduce, Senderos – Sign, Schmeichel – Sell

    Sexy in Skivvies: Ljungberg – Seduce, Kewell – Sign, Beckham – Sell

    Ballers Behaving Badly: See 'Bewildered Owners'

    Moldy Oldies: See 'Bewildered Owners' and 'Ballers Behaving Badly'

  6. JenC says:

    The Sergios: Ramos: Seduce, Aguero: Sign, Canales: Sell

    Fine, Fit & Fair Skinned: Bastian Schweinsteiger: Seduce & Marry, Kasper Schmeichel: Sign, Philippe Senderos: Sell

    Sexy In Skivvies: Harry Kewell:Sell, Freddie Ljungberg:Seduce, David Beckham (for H&M, not Armani): Sign

  7. Mari says:

    Barbara set him freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Pooooooooooor Patinho!!!!