January 24th, 2012
Liverpool FC: Catalogue Critique
Images via ontd_football.
We really ought to stop over-analysing these club catalogues. It never makes us happy and, what’s the point anyway? They’re basically devices to get fans to buy branded merch, and as such, don’t need a shed load of money spent on them.
Still, they’re a good way of giving the office snark some exercise. Let’s amuse ourselves by assessing the latest offering from Liverpool FC for hidden meaning, shall we?
Luis Suarez In A Letter Jacket
What They Think They’re Saying: Despite his recent ‘issues’ we are proud to continue demonstrating our support of Luis by putting him on the cover of our exciting new catalogue.
What They Are Actually Saying: We’re really wishing our exciting new catalogue had gone to print later.
Martin Skrtl In ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ shirt
WTTTS: As an LFC fan you are part of a movement, a culture, a legacy. Stand proud and strong.
WTAAS: No, seriously. You will never walk alone unless you buy this t-shirt. Martin Skrtl will forever be hiding in doorways and down dark alleys, ready to scare the crap out of you until you are a nervous wreck and buy the darn shirt just to make him go away.
Jose Enrique In Club Crest Polo Shirt
WTTTS: I’m cool, I’m calm and I’m ready to represent my club.
WTAAS: I’m slightly uncomfortable because this picture makes me look like the kind of dude who hangs around in empty changing rooms. Which, let’s face it, is weird.
Andy Carroll In Slightly Provocative Religious Statement Shirt
WTTTS: I care more than you can possibly imagine about this club. Once I get into my groove I’m going to be an Anfield legend and wearing a tee that brings an element of religious imagery to the proceedings can’t do any harm.
WTAAS: I really wish you hadn’t made me wear this. It isn’t as though my life is free from people making ‘hilarious’ gags about my current scoring drought. Adding a religious element to the proceedings isn’t going to help me.
You can enjoy the rest of the LFC catalogue calamities over at ontd_football. They’re obviously braver than we are.