December 23rd, 2010

Make Up To Break Up: Landon Donovan Files For Divorce

DD no longer stands for ‘designated driver’; rather, its ‘Donovan Divorces’. Image: Getty Images.

We’re losing steam, Kickettes, and fast. Finding the will to populate your lives and computer screens with the latest and greatest in gossip – in addition to hobnobbing with all of our BFFs at the numerous holiday functions that our livers are kicking us for – has left us exasperated.

What’s more: our candy bowl has somehow jumped ship AND the reserve stash of Twinkies/Jaffa Cakes usually safeguarded in our top drawers for emergency/haveyouseenthefirstphotosofLeoTorres?!?!/weneedtofindourspiritualzensasap moments has gone AWOL.

So, not only are we atypically bitchy this morning, but we’re hungry and sleep-deprived, too.

Nonetheless, when there is news, there is a way – and there’s some good case studies in football coupledom coming up for us all to over-analyze.

First up is Landon Donovan, who officially filed for divorce from his wife Bianca Kajlich 10 days ahead of their 4th wedding anniversary.

Ho ho ho.

The L.A. Galaxy/sometimes on-loan-to-EvertonĀ  football extraordinaire/Sthefany Pato School of Suing drop out, cited Tinlsetown’s favourite pseudo excuse for marriage termination in the court papers submitted yesterday: irreconcilable differences. It’s worth noting that Donovan is seeking spousal support from Bianca as well as asking for her to foot his legal bills for the whole shebang.

According to the legal docs, Donovan and Kajlich first separated back in October 2009, despite the Twitter flirtfest that the two continue to be entangled in. The pair released a joint “We’re friends BLAH BLAH BLAH” statement, so it’s not like this situ caught either party by surprise.

However, reasons why we smell a messy divorce include:

  1. Landon’s air kisses to Bianca following his World Cup game-winning goal against Algeria in June 2010
  2. The couple’s red carpet walk together at the July 2010 ESPY awards
  3. The mysterious illegitimate fatherhood claims that came and went
  4. His desire to also have the court eliminate any chance in hell of Bianca winning spousal support from him

Harping on the last point for a sec, while we know MLS players don’t make bank like their Euro counterparts, we aren’t convinced that Kajlich makes more than her soon-t0-be-ex playing sixth string on a U.S. sitcom that no one watches.

Our internal camp is torn, Kickettes, with 48% of the staff fearing for Landon’s health. You see, they believe he’s suffering from an extreme bout of Stickittodamaneosis. The good news, though, is shirt removal is a plausible remedy.

On the other hand, majority rule argues Donovan is just protecting his $3 – 5 million per year assets, and in this day and age it’s perfectly normal for a man to seek spousal pay from his female SO.

So, dear readers, on which side of the fence do you currently sit on? If you’re feeling as craptastically slow as we are today and are in need of motivation/mental bribery, just think of Santa squishing his fat arse down our dirty chimney to replenish the candy supply and drift off to a happy place with us.

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25 Responses to “Make Up To Break Up: Landon Donovan Files For Divorce”

  1. Lauren says:

    Anyone can file for a divorce without a lawyer if the couple have already divided assets, have no minor children, and expect it to be an UNCONTESTED divorce. His request for spousal support is exactly as Violets said, a negotiating tactic. Moreover, if your spouse makes any kind of money it is standard practice to check that box (as well as legal fees, also standard). Last thing on that subject: just because he petitioned for spousal support doesn't mean that he will actually SEEK it. He probably expects Bianca to request the same thing and as the poster above said, the two requests will cancel out. He makes a lot more money than she does (she only makes about $1mil/year from ROE, he makes $3-5mil), I highly doubt he wants anything from her. Well, except custody of their dogs.

    Someone said that he's actually had a girlfriend for awhile. I kinda doubt that's true, but if it is, I wonder how she feels about some of his tweets to Bianca? I'd be pissed about one or two of them.

  2. rainstarmcgee says:

    im sorry, i am so confused……i just hope that the divorce doesn't get messy and they get through it in a good manner. as for Santa stuffing him down my chimney i am SOOOO DOWN FOR THAT…oh God i would spazz out, and then ask my mommy "CANNN WEE KEEEEPPP HIMMMMM??" :D

  3. kafjldkf says:

    wait…. have pictures of baby leo leaked?!?!?

  4. @DebStimson says:

    Btw, Kickette…in the Soccer world here in the US, "DD" is one of the nicknames for Dwayne De Rosario http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwayne_De_Rosario

  5. Missy Manchester says:

    Didn't Landon file the divorce papers himself–without a lawyer? That suggests to me the "oh yeah?-well-I'll-just-divorce-YOUR-ass-and-go-after-YOUR-money-and-see-how-you-like-it" type of thing.

    Landon is besotted with Bianca so I can totally see him getting all hissy about things.

    • @DebStimson says:

      Didn't Landon file the divorce papers himself–without a lawyer?

      I HOPE he wouldn't be that stupid but who knows. In a high profile divorce, legal assistance is a must…it's not like he can't afford it, right?

      • Missy Manchester says:

        I'm almost positive I read on TMZ.com that he filed the divorce papers without the assistance of a lawyer. It struck me as odd…which is why I remembered it.

  6. Angela says:

    I like him… he cracks me up on twitter… BUT…. WHY IS HE ASKING FOR MONEY!!!!! here are the official papers(well a copy of the official papers)… http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/newsdesk/tmz_document… …. HE ACTUALLY ASKS FOR SPOUSE SUPPORT!!!… AGAIN WHY?!?!?! …. Landon my love you know thats going to end bad!!! Looks just divorce and everyone goes their own way… with their own money… Unless he messed up and ment to put he would support her and give her money…BUT i dont think thats what happen…. WISH THEM BOTH THE BEST!!!

  7. Violets says:

    From a legal standpoint, I don't think that he's trying to make money off of her. He and his lawyers probably know that there's no way in hell an athlete who makes around $5 million a year is going to get spousal support from a sitcom actress. He likely filed for spousal support and legal coverage in order to make it harder for HER to get money from him. Divorce law is messy and people often do things like this to protect their own assets, not necessarily to take money from others.

    Um, also putting out there that Rules of Engagement is a decently popular show here in the US, and Bianca is one of the leads–I'd hardly call her a "sixth string" actress in a comedy that "no one watches." She's not Angelina Jolie, but she's a pretty successful small-screen actress.

    Also, Bianca and Landon do still seem to be really good friends–when you hear him talk about her, he has only really great things to say and, not that it means all that much, they're hilarious together on Twitter. I wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions about who's trying to rip off the other or if Landon is an a** or not.

    • Amber says:

      I completely agree with you on the legal point. Since he asked for spousal support, then she in turn will ask for spousal support. Both requests will cancel each other out.

  8. MaryElla says:

    Wow. The way this reads in the press makes LD look like a bitter ass. I am surprised his ‘people’ (PR/lawyers/agents) didn’t give him better advice, i.e. Pax. ‘Peace. We both walk away with what we came with.’

  9. Alex Samuel says:

    Oh no…how sad… *books flight to LA to comfort Landon in his time of need*

  10. gin_in_teacups says:

    I don't really have a side, but it does rub me the wrong way that he's trying to get money from her. He might not make the huge bucks of European football stars but he must be making enough to take care of his own damn self, yes?

    • Emily says:

      well said, I agree completely. Yes, the process is expensive, but still, he makes over a million. He'll be alright.

    • Deb Stimson says:

      exactly my thoughts about the spousal support. Seriously, Landon?! Do you know how many people in the US try to live on 1/100th (or less) of what you make

      • ashmenon says:

        I completely agree with this. I mean, I don't know what his wife does for a living, but being a national footballer and still asking your ex for money is douchebag central.

  11. Liz says:

    First off the picture of her at the top is bad. She is very, very pretty. I love her.

    Second, what a dick to ask for spousal support when you make all that money!

    Third, I have a feeling maybe he wanted to stay married and be together and she said NO or found someone else and he just threw a hissy fit and pulled this BS.

  12. Ana says:

    I didn't know he was married…. I don't think I ever gave it any thought, either way.

    If I were to have an opinion, I imagine I'd be along the lines of it: divorce sucks for all parties involved.

    On a lighter note, Merry Christmas Eve Eve, everyone! Remember not to stress too very much- as The Special One would say: it will be Monday again on Monday. Don't forget to enjoy yourselves, and take much care! :)

  13. blake2108 says:

    Marriage just leads to divorce.

    You'd never hear of stuff like this if it were a footballer and his HUSBAND though.

    When will these silly straight footballers ever learn…

  14. aurrie says:

    what the crap is wrong with these two….bianca is a hot lady and can do without him…and his big forehead

    • Sydney says:

      Remember it’s a five-head not a forehead in his case.

      And, yes it sad about the divorce but he totally strikes me as the type to throw a tantrum and counter by demanding spousal support. Donovan has a serious case of douchebagtosis