December 23rd, 2010
Make Up To Break Up: Landon Donovan Files For Divorce
DD no longer stands for ‘designated driver’; rather, its ‘Donovan Divorces’. Image: Getty Images.
We’re losing steam, Kickettes, and fast. Finding the will to populate your lives and computer screens with the latest and greatest in gossip – in addition to hobnobbing with all of our BFFs at the numerous holiday functions that our livers are kicking us for – has left us exasperated.
What’s more: our candy bowl has somehow jumped ship AND the reserve stash of Twinkies/Jaffa Cakes usually safeguarded in our top drawers for emergency/haveyouseenthefirstphotosofLeoTorres?!?!/weneedtofindourspiritualzensasap moments has gone AWOL.
So, not only are we atypically bitchy this morning, but we’re hungry and sleep-deprived, too.
Nonetheless, when there is news, there is a way – and there’s some good case studies in football coupledom coming up for us all to over-analyze.
First up is Landon Donovan, who officially filed for divorce from his wife Bianca Kajlich 10 days ahead of their 4th wedding anniversary.
Ho ho ho.
The L.A. Galaxy/sometimes on-loan-to-Everton football extraordinaire/Sthefany Pato School of Suing drop out, cited Tinlsetown’s favourite pseudo excuse for marriage termination in the court papers submitted yesterday: irreconcilable differences. It’s worth noting that Donovan is seeking spousal support from Bianca as well as asking for her to foot his legal bills for the whole shebang.
According to the legal docs, Donovan and Kajlich first separated back in October 2009, despite the Twitter flirtfest that the two continue to be entangled in. The pair released a joint “We’re friends BLAH BLAH BLAH” statement, so it’s not like this situ caught either party by surprise.
However, reasons why we smell a messy divorce include:
- Landon’s air kisses to Bianca following his World Cup game-winning goal against Algeria in June 2010
- The couple’s red carpet walk together at the July 2010 ESPY awards
- The mysterious illegitimate fatherhood claims that came and went
- His desire to also have the court eliminate any chance in hell of Bianca winning spousal support from him
Harping on the last point for a sec, while we know MLS players don’t make bank like their Euro counterparts, we aren’t convinced that Kajlich makes more than her soon-t0-be-ex playing sixth string on a U.S. sitcom that no one watches.
Our internal camp is torn, Kickettes, with 48% of the staff fearing for Landon’s health. You see, they believe he’s suffering from an extreme bout of Stickittodamaneosis. The good news, though, is shirt removal is a plausible remedy.
On the other hand, majority rule argues Donovan is just protecting his $3 – 5 million per year assets, and in this day and age it’s perfectly normal for a man to seek spousal pay from his female SO.
So, dear readers, on which side of the fence do you currently sit on? If you’re feeling as craptastically slow as we are today and are in need of motivation/mental bribery, just think of Santa squishing his fat arse down our dirty chimney to replenish the candy supply and drift off to a happy place with us.