November 23rd, 2010
Manchester City: A Vision Of The Future?
Micah Richards looks on nervously as SWP sets the co-ordinates for Old Trafford. Images via mcfc.co.uk.
It’s frightening what a little money can do, Kickettes. Barely ten years ago, Manchester City were struggling in the third tier of English football, now the Kickette Investigative Committee (the ones we can locate, anyway) have unearthed evidence that they are spending their new found wealth on a devious plan to take over the world!**
Take a look at this frightening vision of the future, people. But be quick about it. We have no doubt that an elite strike force led by this man will shortly be infiltrating the Kickette office to prevent us from telling the truth about their plans.
It’s like 1984 crossed with a cheese and red wine-fueled nightmare, it really is.
The documentation that our heroic, Louboutin-clad operatives discovered states that every person in England will shortly be issued with a numbered blouse in the colours of Manchester City. Failure to wear said blouse is punishable by enforced lockdown in the Eastlands stadium where the offender will be subjected to repeated plays of ‘Blue Moon’ until they beg forgiveness or their ears burst, whichever comes first.
Joe Hart (above) is currently overseeing blouse preparation. And looking good doing it, we might add. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Except from this angle when it looks like he’s been shopping at the women’s section of the Gap.)
A further directive states that Saturday entertainment will include parading members of the Manchester United first team through the streets of Manchester in full City kit. They will be led by Sir Alex Ferguson, who will be wearing this hat.
Meanwhile, having made a small mistake with the co-ordinates, Shaun tries again, hoping no one will notice the large hole he has just blown in the side of the stadium at Eastlands.
Don’t believe us? Here’s Roberto Mancini with his hands on the button. If pressed, this button will release a noxious gas that will remove free will from every individual in the country. Every other football club in England will be forced to sell their players to the club and they will get paid lots of money to…. oh…er, actually this has already happened.
**Actually, Micah Richards and Shaun Wright Philips were doing a bit of DJing at the launch of the new and fab CityStore in Manchester. Word has reached us that they were actually really good and spun a hot mix of R&B tunes. The following day, Roberto Mancini and Joe Hart officially opened the store and had a bash at some shirt printing. Nice work, lads.