May 12th, 2011
Midweek Results: For The Win!
Approaching now from a north-easterly direction we have Flight PK01 from Barcelona. All passengers, please fasten your seatbelts, there may be some impact damage upon landing. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
We realise that you may be feeling the first effects of footie excitement withdrawal already. Serie A, the Bundesliga and now La Liga have all been decided, the EPL is all but Manchester United’s and as for Ligue 1… well, okay. We have no clue what the hell is going on there.
But that’s the point, y’see! With so much left to come, you don’t have time to worry about petty issues such as league matches. There’s still the small issues of the Champions League final, the FA Cup final, the Coppa Italia final, the transfer window and of course, the most important part of the football season; Footballers On Holiday!
This fact alone is worth a celebratory conga. So shimmy with us through the Midweek Results and catch up with all the news. No stragglers at the back, please.
See that kid just to the right of Crissy’s head? Think he’s slept yet? Images: Reuters/Daylife, Getty Images/Daylife.
And so it’s a big, congratulatory (slightly moist) kiss of congratulations to Barcelona, who won their third straight league title last night with a 1-1 draw against Levante. The Catalans are now six points clear of Real Madrid, but with a superior head-to-head record which would be applied in the case of a points tie, Barca have it in the bag. Unless Jose Mourinho manages to figure out how to change history, which knowing him, isn’t beyond the realms of possibility.
Saydou Keita struck for Barca, a goal which was cancelled out just before half time by Felipe Caicedo. Pep’s boys didn’t seem particularly inspired to add to their record breaking tally of 92 league goals; they pressed Levante in the second half to no avail although anyone used to watching them would know they were more than capable of scoring again.
But what of their bitter rivals? Well, Real Madrid did their duty in their match against Getafe on Tuesday evening; the 4-0 thumping included another hat-trick for Cristiano and banged another nail into the league stragglers’ coffin. Getafe are now just one point clear of the relegation spots but it would have been a lot worse if Real Zaragoza had picked up three points in their game vs. Real Sociedad. In fact, they lost 2-1, throwing a tatty but usable lifeline to Getafe.
Elsewhere, we are sad to report that one of the few teams to take points off Barca this season, Hercules, were relegated last night after failing to beat Mallorca. Valencia all but secured third place after a 2-2 draw against Espanyol, while Villarreal also drew against already relegated Almeria. Athletic Bilbao lost 2-1 to Deportivo La Coruna and remain in fifth while a 3-2 loss at Osasuna leaves Sevilla sixth.
Palermo 2-1 AC Milan (4-3 agg)
Ooh, it’s been a while since we’ve seen such a prime hip-dip specimen. You? Image via ontd_football.
It just goes to show you how short lived joy can be in football. One minute, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is kicking Antonio Cassano round the back of the head in merriment at Milan’s Scudetto win, the next, his side are being unceremoniously dumped out of the Coppa Italia by Palermo.
Yup. It’s true. After a goalless first half, Palermo’s Giulio Migliaccio broke the deadlock, before Cesare Bovo converted the penalty that saw Mark van Bommel sent off. Despite Bovo being sent off a few minutes later for a poor tackle on Pato, Palermo managed to hang on, conceding only a 90th minute Ibra consolation goal and then proceeding to take most of their clothes off and running round the pitch.
We pledge to support them in the final, but only if they promise to remove all of their clothing if they win. M’kay?
Inter 1-1 Roma (2-1 agg)
We’re thinking of setting up a satellite office in that hairdo. Or maybe building a mall… Image: Reuters/Daylife.
Roma really wanted this. Their play last night smacked of a need to consolidate what has been an up-and-down season with a trophy, but Inter’s 1-0 win in the first leg, coupled with a staunch defensive display in the second left Roma with too much to do. AC Milan loanee Marco Borriello seemed particularly driven against his old foes, creating several chances that were ultimately thwarted.
He finally got his name on the scoresheet in the late stages of the game but by that point Samuel Eto’o had added to Dejan Stankovic’s first leg goal and that was enough. 2-1 on aggregate sees the holders through, and an interesting match up in prospect, if not the one we envisaged.
Manchester City 1-0 Tottenham Hotspur
Excitement abounds as the Furry Boys European Tour is announced in Manchester. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
While Chelsea vs. Manchester United last Sunday was billed as the marquee game of the season, this one wasn’t short of ramifications either. A win for Manchester City would ensure fourth place and Champions League football at Eastlands next season, a loss for Spurs would see their faintest hope of the same slip away for good.
And so it came to pass that Peter Crouch scored the only goal. Usually that would mean that Spurs took the points and much joy was to be had in North London, but Pete has apparently irritated the powers that be lately, and he managed to strike the ball into his own net from a corner. This was doubly amusing for neutrals as Pete scored the goal in the same fixture last season that dumped City out of fourth and saw Spurs take their place in Europe.
We believe that’s called irony and we’re sure Pete will appreciate it every time he watches City next season.
Note: Liverpool FC beat Fulham 5-2 on Monday night. But we are so efficient, we already told you about that here.
Lille’s Antonio Mavuba quickly realises that being mounted by several male athletes isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Regardless of what the hot bishes at Kickette say. Image: Reuters/Daylife.
Lille remain four points clear of rivals Marseille this morning after coming from behind to beat St Etienne 2-1. The holders didn’t blink though; 3-0 against Brest as well as third placed Lyon’s 4-0 collapse against Auxerre ensured the pressure remains.
An 87th minute goal from Adil Hermach against Bordeaux saved Lens from relegation, but only temporarily. They are five points adrift of Nancy, who drew 2-2 against Paris St Germain, and unless they are able to win all of their remaining fixtures, it looks pretty hopeless for them.
Did you read the rest of the results or are you still staring at the Barca bottoms at the top of this post? There will be a quiz later, y’know.