August 11th, 2011
Midweek Results: International Friendlies In ‘Not Boring’ Shocker!
And they say no-one learns anything from friendlies? We learned that Raul Meireles is significantly hotter than we first thought during his side’s game vs. Luxembourg. So there! Image: AP Photo/Daylife
With England’s game vs. Holland cancelled, we gave our UK office the night off. Apologies to anyone who may have encountered them in their local bar last night. But on the plus side, fresh restraining orders have been issued as a result of their behaviour and they won’t be troubling you again.
Germany 3-2 Brazil
Mario Goetze. Quick people, get at him before he has to shave more than once a week! Image: Getty Images/Daylife
Neymar blames this defeat on his team needing more time to ‘gel’. Quite frankly, he is the last person we’re prepared to take hair product advice from, but this time the crazily coiffed one might have a point. Brazil looked second best for the majority of this fixture, which saw two penalties and a goal on his first start for Mario Goetze. Andre Schurrle completed the three goal tally for Germany, and although Neymar did his best, his late strike was merely a consolation.
Fortunately, the Brazilians aren’t hosting the World Cup until 2014, so they have a bit of time to ‘gel’. Or indeed harden into a completely solid mass, impenetrable with any traditional hair brushing implement. Fingers crossed.
Italy 2-1 Spain
A frustrating night for Spain against Italy. But then, if they’d won, we wouldn’t now be enjoying the sight of Fernando Llorente looking all dejected. Swings and roundabouts, people. Image: Getty Images/Daylife
It took approximately fifteen minutes of Spain’s friendly vs. Italy last night for luck to advise Fernando Torres it wasn’t going to be on his side this season either. Things were looking vaguely optimistic for the ex-blond bombshell after he scored during Chelsea’s pre-season tour, but last night he was ushered off the pitch after suffering a blow to the head and may miss his club’s opening fixture against Stoke City on Sunday due to concussion.
This wasn’t the only frustration the Spanish suffered. Italy’s Riccardo Montolivo scored after eleven minutes before Spain lost first Torres, then Gerard Pique to injury. Xabi Alonso pulled one back from the penalty spot but Liverpool second XI midfielder Alberto Aquilani struck late on for the winner and left La Roja ruing a missed opportunity. Or, considering their recent history, perhaps they didn’t give a crap.
Portugal 5-0 Luxembourg
Hasn’t Fabio Coentrao got bendy legs? And crap hair, obviously. Image: AP Photo/Daylife
Alright, so Luxembourg probably didn’t expect to win this tie, but it’s still fairly embarrassing to have your ass kicked so comprehensively, even in a friendly. Goals from Helder Postiga, Cristiano Ronaldo, Fabio Coentrao and two from sub Hugo Almeida did the damage but even after Portugal eased off the gas, Luxembourg failed to seriously threaten Rui Patricio’s goal and should be grateful the whole thing wasn’t even worse.
Sorry, Luxembourgers. But you’re probably used to it by now.
Ukraine 0-1 Sweden
Ah, Andriy. We see you’ve brought your boot-ay with you. Very nice. Image: Getty Images/Daylife
A 0-0 draw only broken by a goal in the second minute of stoppage time makes for a match with little to report on. Unless you’re
misguided fortunate enough to work for Kickette, in which case you can focus on the fact that the goal was scored by Tobias Hysén, older brother of closet blaster and cutey puppy Anton.
See? Now even non-Swedish soldier girls and boys have something to purr at.
Elsewhere, France drew 1-1 with Copa America quarter-finalists Chile, despite an strong performance and a great diving header from Loic Remy, while Wales failed again, even after fielding a strong side. Aaron Ramsey, Gareth Bale and Craig Bellamy weren’t able to fight back from 2-0 down, goals coming from Timmy Cahill and sub Robbie Kluse. Scant consolation came via Darcy Blake’s late strike, but we doubt manager Gary Speed will be thrilled by this latest in a long line of capitulations.
Finally, dodgy swimwear aficionado Robbie Rogers’ goal was enough to give the USMNT a 1-1 draw with Mexico, although he left it late. Oribe Peralta gave the Mexicans the lead early in the first half, but the Robster popped up in the 73rd minute after an inspired series of substitutions and saved new manager Jurgen Klinnsmann’s blushes.
We’re very interested to see how this relationship develops, Kickettes. You?