April 12th, 2012
Midweek Results: It’s All Kicking Off
Crowing over a broken man. Leave that stuff to the experts, Neven Subotic. We have it covered. Image: CHRISTOF STACHE/AFP/Getty Images.
It would suit our work/relaxation ratio much better if league-changing events were restricted to the weekend.
Sadly, it seems that no one cares about this apart from us.
Phil Jones’ tum-tum is as smooth and hairless as Leo Messi’s legs. We’re not sure whether that’s good or bad. Kickettes? Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images.
Does Roberto Mancini know something we don’t? Last night’s results have narrowed the gap at the top of the table to five points, and yet the City boss is insisting that the title race is over. For those who missed it, City beat West Brom 4-0 and United suffered a shock 1-0 defeat at the DW vs. Wigan.
There’s considerably less uncertainty at the other end of the table, where Wolves’ 3-0 home defeat to Arsenal was pretty much the nail in the coffin for the troubled West Midlands team. They are now six points adrift and counting.
Lionel Messi. Rubbish, apparently. Image: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images.
Cristiano Ronaldo edged ahead of Leo Messi in the La Liga top scorer table last night with yet another hat trick in the Madrid derby. He got his thigh out again, presumably just in case anyone missed it last time.
Leo only managed one in Barca’s 4-0 victory vs. Getafe on Tuesday, and should be ashamed of himself. According to Pele, claims that Messi is the greatest player of all time are erroneous. Apparently he isn’t even as good as Neymar.
No pain, no gain, Simon Kjaer. Admittedly there isn’t much in this for you, but trust us. We’re loving it. Image: Paolo Bruno/Getty Images.
Serie A teams were conscientious enough to abide by our request to restrict important table developments to the weekend. Which is another way of saying “as you were, people“.
Manuel Neuer kept his mind on the job, despite Dortmund fans hurling bananas at him at the beginning of the second half. Personally, we’d rather take a bite out of his firm green buns, but there’s no accounting for taste. Image: AFP PHOTO / PATRIK STOLLARZ.
The battle for the Bundesliga took a huge step towards denouement last night, when Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 1-0 to go six points clear. Arjen Robben missed a penalty, then conceded the title to their opponents in a post match interview. But we’d like to offer kudos to the Spurs target for not reacting to Keown-like levels of provocation from Neven Subotic.
If someone did that to one of our staffers, they’d be in A&E having a six inch Loub removed from their skull. They’re twitchy like that.
It’s been exactly three weeks since we ran a picture of Olivier Giroud. What the hell have we been thinking?! Images: AP Photo/Claude Paris, BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images.
Monsieur Hottie scored in Montpellier’s 3-1 win over Marseille, helping to put his side three points clear of PSG in the title race. Younes Belhanda scored the other two, but while he looked fairly hot, he didn’t offer the glimpse of taut tummy that prompted so much dribbling in the Kickette office, two of us had to retire our keyboards due to water damage.
What do you think? Does Younes offer the same financial opportunity for computer hardware manufacturers? We’ve supplied a picture of him to help you decide.
Use a tissue if you have to. We won’t be held liable for any accidental damage.