April 12th, 2012

Midweek Results: It’s All Kicking Off

Crowing over a broken man. Leave that stuff to the experts, Neven Subotic. We have it covered. Image: CHRISTOF STACHE/AFP/Getty Images.

It would suit our work/relaxation ratio much better if league-changing events were restricted to the weekend.

Sadly, it seems that no one cares about this apart from us.

EPL

Phil Jones’ tum-tum is as smooth and hairless as Leo Messi’s legs. We’re not sure whether that’s good or bad. Kickettes? Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images.

Does Roberto Mancini know something we don’t? Last night’s results have narrowed the gap at the top of the table to five points, and yet the City boss is insisting that the title race is over. For those who missed it, City beat West Brom 4-0 and United suffered a shock 1-0 defeat at the DW vs. Wigan.

There’s considerably less uncertainty at the other end of the table, where Wolves’ 3-0 home defeat to Arsenal was pretty much the nail in the coffin for the troubled West Midlands team. They are now six points adrift and counting.

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La Liga

Lionel Messi. Rubbish, apparently. Image: Jasper Juinen/Getty Images.

Cristiano Ronaldo edged ahead of Leo Messi in the La Liga top scorer table last night with yet another hat trick in the Madrid derby. He got his thigh out again, presumably just in case anyone missed it last time.

Leo only managed one in Barca’s 4-0 victory vs. Getafe on Tuesday, and should be ashamed of himself. According to Pele, claims that Messi is the greatest player of all time are erroneous. Apparently he isn’t even as good as Neymar.

Pardon?

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Serie A

No pain, no gain, Simon Kjaer. Admittedly there isn’t much in this for you, but trust us. We’re loving it. Image: Paolo Bruno/Getty Images.

Serie A teams were conscientious enough to abide by our request to restrict important table developments to the weekend. Which is another way of saying “as you were, people“.

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Bundesliga

Manuel Neuer kept his mind on the job, despite Dortmund fans hurling bananas at him at the beginning of the second half. Personally, we’d rather take a bite out of his firm green buns, but there’s no accounting for taste. Image: AFP PHOTO / PATRIK STOLLARZ.

The battle for the Bundesliga took a huge step towards denouement last night, when Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 1-0 to go six points clear. Arjen Robben missed a penalty, then conceded the title to their opponents in a post match interview. But we’d like to offer kudos to the Spurs target for not reacting to Keown-like levels of provocation from Neven Subotic.

If someone did that to one of our staffers, they’d be in A&E having a six inch Loub removed from their skull. They’re twitchy like that.

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Ligue 1

It’s been exactly three weeks since we ran a picture of Olivier Giroud. What the hell have we been thinking?! Images: AP Photo/Claude Paris, BORIS HORVAT/AFP/Getty Images.

Monsieur Hottie scored in Montpellier’s 3-1 win over Marseille, helping to put his side three points clear of PSG in the title race. Younes Belhanda scored the other two, but while he looked fairly hot, he didn’t offer the glimpse of taut tummy that prompted so much dribbling in the Kickette office, two of us had to retire our keyboards due to water damage.

What do you think? Does Younes offer the same financial opportunity for computer hardware manufacturers? We’ve supplied a picture of him to help you decide.

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Use a tissue if you have to. We won’t be held liable for any accidental damage.

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22 Responses to “Midweek Results: It’s All Kicking Off”

  1. KL7 says:

    Cristiano outshined the brightest stars in the sky last night. His free kick was astonishing and the second goal was scorching. I don't think anyone in the world can do the things he can with a ball at his feet. The power in that man's thighs makes you wonder….or in my case fantasize! LOL Hala Madrid.

    • DebS says:

      He's had some cracking goals lately hasn't he?!

      I loved his quote after the Madrid derby "I've been one booking short of a suspension for two months, but I'm behaving myself." Keep on behaving por favor, Cris. :D

  2. JA7 says:

    How sexy was van persie's penalty? Cheeky stuff haha ;D

  3. Loninha - Brasil says:

    unfortunately it's all macabado to Bayern Munich in the Bundesliga and worse than that was seeing the great love of my life out of a Mario Gomez so sad and discouraged before the game is over! It was an exciting game to there and I have to admit Borussia Dortmund deserved to win!

  4. mybabyri says:

    I can't decide who i better in my eyes Cristiano or Lionel?just when you think you know, the other one breaks a record or score amazing screamer goal!!

  5. Vivienne says:

    Giroud, please let the rumours be true and come to Arsenal so I can drool over you in the flesh!

  6. mata says:

    I found Mancini's remarks defeatest and frankly quite strange, especially when he attributed ManCity's failings to lack of team spirit, which is often a manager issue, all the more odd given all the criticism he's been taking these last couple of weeks for eroding team spirit/creating problems in the dressing room by over-indulging and favouring Balotelli. Is he trying to talk himself out of a job? Or is he just trying to take the pressure off his players by lowering expectations? Any insights?

    Anyway, I know there are lots of ManCity haters out there but it was great to see them back in form, especially Silva, they play such nice football.

    • Kristen says:

      I think a lot of it is trying to take the pressure off the players. I think the City players do better when there is no pressure on them. For many of them this is the first title race they've been in.

      It was great to see Silva playing better. I think the combination of rest and Tevez are definitely helping.

    • DebS says:

      Like Kristen said, I suspect he's trying to take the pressure off his guys and maybe at the same time using reverse psychology on them. Figuring if he says they won't win, it will make the guys even more adamant to prove him wrong. Even Pep seems to be resulting to a similar tactic by making it sound like Barca doesn't have a chance to win the league. As much as I would be THRILLED if that were true, with Madrid only up 4 pts and 6 games left, one of which is El Classico, Madrid can't afford to drop any more points. Well, at least not without adding to my grey hair collection. O_o

  7. Cait says:

    Wow Neuer has a lovely peachy bum!

  8. Fiona says:

    Pele needs to realize that he stopped making sense a while ago. I greatly respect him as a player, but of course he's going to be biased towards a rising Brazilian star, completely disregarding what Messi is achieving and still will achieve.

    Moving on, Dortmund vs Bayern Munich was incredibly exciting. Such an amazing game and I am so proud of Dortmund. Shows that money isn't everything. Team-spirit and talent won the night and just think about it: Mario Götze is still injured. He could have contributed a great deal. And like he outshone Neymar in the Germany – Brazil friendly, he could quite easily upstage him on the global scene too (while Messi moves in a sphere of his own).

  9. Sarah, Madrid says:

    And canales welcome back niño

  10. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Pele smh!!

    2 words: Cristano Ronaldo!!!! He broke too many records, as sidlowe he happened to atletico jejeje nice try though atletico, maybe next year? Jaja

  11. Kristina says:

    There was some force in those goals from Cristiano, mamma mia! Falcaos header wasn't bad either.

    Alexis was awesome in Barca's game, and Messi shows what an all-round player he is with his goal and two assists. Barca really shone! It's not easy to play against team that defends so hard. Now I wish for a Sevilla win tonight. Because I like them a lot, and because I want them to gain confidence for their game against Real Madrid.

    And can't we all agree to agree with Pele just this once? Then maybe he will finally shut up. I feel with him though. It can't be easy when an Argentinian is the worlds best footballer, again.

  12. Gladys says:

    Congrats to City. So glad that the most beautiful face in football/futbol (to me at least) is back from injury and even scored a goal.

  13. sarah. says:

    well pele might be crazy hahah
    and cr7 rocked it last night!! A true machine! and the hug between he and ramos at the end of the match must`ve been here *.*

    • DebS says:

      Aw man….I hate when the online stream I'm watching doesn't show things like the CR7/SR4 hug. Fingers crossed that Una will have a pic of it on her ICYMI.

      Just when it seemed that CR7 was getting so frustrated with himself, he goes out and scores 2 crackers and a penalty. Way to step up to the plate, CR7! And happy for Calleti too.