December 21st, 2011

Midweek Results, Pt I: The Player/Fan Nudity Alliance

A goal that may well save your EPL lives deserves more than a glimpse of a toned tummy, Nigel. We’ll start with full kit and base layer removal and work down from there. Chop, chop! Image: REUTERS/Phil Noble.

A player nudity fail is critical at this time of year. We’re not exactly rolling in images of naked footballers here, contrary to reports.

Well. Not all the time, anyway. We have to stop sometimes and write this stuff up too.

EPL

Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-2 Norwich City

And what the hell do you lot think you’re doing? Clapping? You should be ripping the shirt off Sylvan Ebanks-Blake’s back and Fed-Exing him to Kickette HQ. We all have a part to play in this, people.

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Copa Del Rey

Real Madrid 5-1 Ponferradina (agg 7-1)

Nuri Sahin scored last night and celebrated in the time-honoured tradition of all new(ish) fathers. He became a dad in September. Actually, you probably knew that. It was only us that missed it. Image: DANI POZO/AFP/Getty Images.

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DFB Pokal German Cup

Nuremburg 0-1 Greuther Fürth

That’s the kind of thing! But once player nudity is achieved, it is important to ensure that you have the correct exposure on the photo. Otherwise, important details can be lost. Image: REUTERS/Michael Dalder.

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Bochum 1-2 Bayern Munich

You can throw as many strops as you like, Arjen. You are excluded from this project on the grounds of excessive garment-age. We simply haven’t got time to grapple with tights unless Iker is involved. Our cost/benefit analysis won’t allow it. Image: AFP PHOTO / PATRIK STOLLARZ.

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Serie A

Cagliari 0-2 AC Milan

Seriously? This is taking the concept of ‘Footballers In Heinous Headgear‘ a step too far, don’t you think? Image: ANDREAS SOLARO/AFP/Getty Images.

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Ligue 1

Nancy 1-3 Marseille

You see? Marseille’s Lucho Gonzalez has got the idea. Help a player to flash a bit of flesh! That’s a Kickette new year campaign right there. Image: JEAN-CHRISTOPHE VERHAEGEN/AFP/Getty Images.

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Please forward your ideas for this ingenious and sure-to-be-wholeheartedly-supported-by-FIFA plan in the usual manner.

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2 Responses to “Midweek Results, Pt I: The Player/Fan Nudity Alliance”

  1. Kix says:

    I have no idea how to pronounce "Greuther Furth" but that shirtless player is HOT

  2. Agnes Wonka says:

    I have to say this: Nuri Sahin is hooooooot!