January 6th, 2011
Midweek Results: Shock & Awe In The EPL
Followers of the EPL were stunned last night as a series of explosive events rocked the league during the midweek fixtures. These explosive events, occurring in cities across England between 8pm and 9.45pm (local time) have blasted huge holes in the title expectations of many top sides and left players and officials shocked and bewildered.
The largest of these explosive events took place in the West Midlands, where Jose Bosingwa’s own goal gave Wolverhampton Wanderers a crucial 1-0 victory over Chelsea and saw the champions consolidate their worst run of league results in fourteen years.
Senior players denied responsibility for the damage, including Didier Drogba (left) who surprisingly remained on his feet for the duration. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
In North London, Arsenal’s Robin Van Persie and Manchester City’s Vincent Kompany were minding their own business during a rather dull 0-0 draw when they were blown across the pitch in spectacular fashion (top).
It is believed that the sexual energy generated by having Joe Hart and Cesc Fabregas (left) on the park at the same time may have been responsibe, although experts (us, natch) have speculated that the amount of bickering and bitchfacing taking place could have had a similar effect. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
Several players were injured in the blasts, most notably Gareth Bale whose sensitivity to seismic shifts sent his back into spasm during Spurs 2-1 defeat to Everton.
Elsewhere, Wigan Athletic’s Chris Kirkland (left) had to be hospitalised while his side gained a point in their 1-1 draw with Bolton. The early prognosis is good for Chris, but not so good for Wigan who despite the surprise of not losing, remain in the bottom three. (Getty Images/Daylife)
While for most the shocks came out of nowhere, many fans had prepared themselves in advance for Liverpool’s 3-1 defeat at Blackburn Rovers. When asked to comment, Fernando Torres offered this explanation (above).
Similar warnings had been issued at Villa Park. Unfortunately, manager Gerard Houllier (left) apparently missed out on the memos however, and was the only person in the stadium surprised when Sunderland beat Aston Villa 1-0. (Getty Images/Daylife)
Fans of the EPL should be aware that initial reports state aftershocks of varying severity are anticipated, although the magnitude of these aftershocks cannot yet be verified.