January 6th, 2011

Midweek Results: Shock & Awe In The EPL

Followers of the EPL were stunned last night as a series of explosive events rocked the league during the midweek fixtures. These explosive events, occurring in cities across England between 8pm and 9.45pm (local time) have blasted huge holes in the title expectations of many top sides and left players and officials shocked and bewildered.

The largest of these explosive events took place in the West Midlands, where Jose Bosingwa’s own goal gave Wolverhampton Wanderers a crucial 1-0 victory over Chelsea and saw the champions consolidate their worst run of league results in fourteen years.

Senior players denied responsibility for the damage, including Didier Drogba (left) who surprisingly remained on his feet for the duration. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

In North London, Arsenal’s Robin Van Persie and Manchester City’s Vincent Kompany were minding their own business during a rather dull 0-0 draw when they were blown across the pitch in spectacular fashion (top).

It is believed that the sexual energy generated by having Joe Hart and Cesc Fabregas (left) on the park at the same time may have been responsibe, although experts (us, natch) have speculated that the amount of bickering and bitchfacing taking place could have had a similar effect. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

Several players were injured in the blasts, most notably Gareth Bale whose sensitivity to seismic shifts sent his back into spasm during Spurs 2-1 defeat to Everton.

Elsewhere, Wigan Athletic’s Chris Kirkland (left) had to be hospitalised while his side gained a point in their 1-1 draw with Bolton. The early prognosis is good for Chris, but not so good for Wigan who despite the surprise of not losing, remain in the bottom three.  (Getty Images/Daylife)

While for most the shocks came out of nowhere, many fans had prepared themselves in advance for Liverpool’s 3-1 defeat at Blackburn Rovers. When asked to comment, Fernando Torres offered this explanation (above).

Similar warnings had been issued at Villa Park. Unfortunately, manager Gerard Houllier (left) apparently  missed out on the memos however, and was the only person in the stadium surprised when Sunderland beat Aston Villa 1-0. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Fans of the EPL should be aware that initial reports state aftershocks of varying severity are anticipated, although the magnitude of these aftershocks cannot yet be verified.

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42 Responses to “Midweek Results: Shock & Awe In The EPL”

  1. rainstarmcgee says:

    OMG you guys dont know how hard i laughed when i seen Fernando's face! he is just too much(in a good way), Gotta Love Fernando and all his entertaining faces! :D

  2. ashmenon says:

    And as proper emergency aid protocol dictates, tents shall be set up at various locations in proximity to the aftershock sites, with air-conditioning and margaritas to aid victims. Bless.

  3. Mel-B-VIP says:

    I am always surprised that people actually enjoy watching the sport, I'm just here for the eye candy.

  4. SoccerLoverrr says:

    i am so upset bout tottenham being defeated -____- annnd arsenal shudve won agaisnt man city!!! btw LOVE fernando's tongue action..hes soo fackin hottt

  5. Colleen says:

    I'm a City fan, and i don't think we played bad at all. It was a fairly entertaining game. I'm proud that we held our own against such a great team. The whole situation with Liverpool is just unfortunate and sad, we all know they're capable of so much more. Hopefully Roy gets the boot soon.

  6. @AgnesWonka says:

    the best part of Arsenal – Man.City was the fight between Sagna and Zabaleta!!!

  7. @AgnesWonka says:

    Arsenal – Man. City was really dull! the best part was the fight between Sagna and the other one (can't remember his name).

  8. Anon says:

    I hated the Man City game. Not because we only managed a tie, but because the stats are completely non-representative of the game. It was exciting. Frustrating, yes (woodwork), but exciting, contrary to what the 0-0 scoreline suggests. And it was a clean game, again contrary to what the double red suggested.

  9. blake2108 says:

    My Gareth got Injured.
    That so upset me.
    First time he's misses any minutes in the Premier League since 2009
    I seriously hope he's OK. Hate seeing him getting hurt

    I thoroughly dislike Phil Neville now too


  10. Maribel says:

    You girls that write these posts are such clever little bitches! You always make me laugh…XOXO!

  11. Deanna says:

    City's MOTM were the goal posts. They got Lucky. But I find comfort in the Cashley own goal and Chelsea losing AGAIN.
    Now someone please beat Man U already.
    I hope Silva gets better fast (No love for City, just my Silva).

  12. backoffmyNando says:

    Poor Nando. I hate how the critics are so hard on him when he's in a rough patch but then just suddenly change their opinion and act like they've believed in him all along when he's doing good. No matter how good he is he'll always be hot and the critics can't say anything about that. :) and for those of you who didn't know/ notice, he has Nora and Leo's names on his cleats (or "boots" as the british say). How cute. He's probably one of the kindest and most geniune players out there, and you would never have to worry about him hiring some trashy hooker because that's just not him. (:

  13. Crackers says:

    Oh dear, Liverpool…..defeats aren't going to dampen my love, but for mercy's sake can't they please get a decent manager?

    Roy doesn't seem to be doing much for the team, and Rafa wasn't shown any mercy last season- don't see why this one should be, then.

    • Susana says:

      I can't see how a revolving door of managers will be any better. Where is the culpability of the players? They are paid hundreds of thousands per week to win. If they don't win, shouldn't they get the sack too? Why is it always the manager's fault? If a player kicks one wide or lets another player get around him and score, I can't see why that's the fault of the manager!

      Fernando is a great guy, but he has been constantly crocked for the past season and a half. Well…except for the WC.

      I'm not saying that Woy is great, but Sir Alex didn't do so hot in his first years at United. 24 years later he is the best manager the EPL has ever seen.

      • Summer says:

        Personally I agree with Crackers and I disagree with you Susanna, before in every team if the team go bad the fault is more of manager than a player. And this because is the manager who trains everyday his players, says to them what they will do, do or what the won't do, don't do; is the manager who create with them a relationship based on respect, confidence and sometimes also friendship; is the manager the central figure in the player's life on the pitch, and so each player when will be on the pitch to play usually, (I've seen it so may times), if he "loves" or better if he has built a good relation with his manager (the footballer usually feels, like normal person I think, when a person, in this case his manager, gives to him something positive, something for fight in the life and above all on the pitch), on the pitch he will do his best.

        I also think that you cannot compare Alex and Roy, and the reason it's simple. Well, I wasn't here 24 ago, but I know Alex's history at MUFC, and in these years I've known him and his style to play, to behave with people (especially press) and his players better. So now I think that he's the most fantastic and perfect manager at the world. There isn't no one like him in the way to train players, to style of play, to way to to behave with players, press and people, so he's the perfect manager. First, it's true, he wasn't perfect like I've said, but he became a great manager during the years. There's been a progress in his way. Instead Roy Hodgson has been and unfortunately will always been a bad manager. He hasn't the sense of play, he doesn't know the right or the correct way to train a player, he isn't able to speak to the heart's players, he's an absolute idiot. I give you an example. Like a manager he's won only cups in Sweden and please read about his past on Wikipedia or somewhere else. But the thing most crazy and absurd that he did was when he was training Inter of Milan. I suppose that you know Roberto Carlos. Well Roberto Carlos in this period was playing for Inter and Roy Hodgson (the idiot) sold him to Real Madrid!!! Only a crazy man, an idiot had been able to sell Roberto Carlos. So he's an idiot and I hope that LFC's property will sack him.

        • Susana says:

          I disagree with you. The players are paid millions to put the ball in the net. Explain to me how it's he managers fault if they don't? These aren't 14-year-olds we're talking about. They are grown men and they are paid an astronomical wage to play for these clubs. You're giving them a free pass for not playing well. So in your estimation, the manager is responsible for everything in the club, including scoring and winning matches.
          And you missed my point about Sir Alex. I wasn't comparing him and Roy. My point was that Sir Alex was given a chance to succeed, because United are not knee-jerk reactors like most clubs.
          Part of United's success is that they have had a stable environment in which to play. Liverpool, Chelsea, etc go through managers like I change socks.

          • Summer says:

            It's true that players are paid millions to do them job, it's true that it's usually an exaggeration but it's also true that they are very lucky because the can do the job that they have always dreamt and they are paid very well. But I think that everyone if could he/she would be paid so much for doing his/her job. But I also think that money isn't the main problem. I agree with you when you said that players are paid millions to put the ball in the net. It's true this is their job, but don't blame and despise (if you do this) for this, because there are many people in the world that anything special and are paid million (world is full of these). For example models are paid millions to smile or to be taken photos, stylists are paid millions to draw clothes, artists are paid millions to paint and draw, singers are paid millions to sings…Manager in my opinion isn't responsible for everything in the club, of course he can't score, and of course it won't be him that will win on the pitch, but I think that he has and he should have the power to help players to win and to do and show their best on the pitch. Perhaps this is only one of my suggestions but I think that manager has many of the fault when his team lost because I think that means that he didn't explain well them how to play in the right way, because he didn't give them what they needed, because he didn't say to them the words which they wanted to listen…
            Also yes. I've missed your point about Sir Alex and wrongly I've thought that you've compared him and Roy. But I also think that it isn't simple to do what Alex has done in 24 years, and I think that it's quite impossible to do in football today. I add that Alex is the one of the few that has done this. Today MUFC has a stable and his style to play and has won so many cups, but his experience doesn't suit well for other clubs. For example Arsene Wenger is Arsenal's manger since 1996. It's 15 years. Arsenal it's true, surely has his style of play but they hasn't won as much as United. You've also said that Liverpool, Chelsea and others go through managers like you change socks but Liverpool has had Rafa Benitez for 5 years, and only now they has changed manager. They had had they stable environment in which to play before that Rafa left. But I agree with you about Chelsea. They've change so many managers in these years but I think that in this case the fault is more of Roman Abramovich than Chelsea's managers. He's not famous like a patience man and a man who know football.

  14. senora ramos says:

    so frustrated by the damn city's bus parking techniques. so completely shocked by chelsea's implosion out of no where. and really, really feel for the liverpool ladies on this site.
    also pretty disappointed for bilbao (thouugh good goal llorente). can't wait for later to see my boys play.

    wish i lived in chicago so i could bring pipita a get well soon card :)

  15. Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

    I know!! And I had to add Sevilla to the busy schedule. I love my understanding family!!

  16. Soon2beWifeOfNAsri says:

    Kickette i must disagree with you with the Arsenal V man city, it was a exciting match to watch that's if you were a arsenal fan, the passing and movement throughout the whole team was just poetry in motion, shame City came with 1 thing in mind and that was to time waste and park their very expensive bus near the 18 yard box. I guess the best players for city were Hart and the goal post! Watching city playing such ANTI-FOOTBALL is shocking! they have some fantastic players and yet dont use them to the best of their abilities.Although frustrated in not getting all 3 points, our boys did us proud and played beautifully.

  17. Soon2beWifeOfNasri says:

    Kickette i must disagree with you with the Arsenal V man city, it was a exciting match to watch that's if you were a arsenal fan, the passing and movement throughout the whole team was just poetry in motion, shame City came with 1 thing in mind and that was to time waste and park their very expensive bus near the 18 yard box. I guess the best players for city were Hart and the goal post! Watching city playing such ANTI-FOOTBALL is shocking! they have some fantastic players and yet dont use them to the best of their abilities.Although frustrated in not getting all 3 points, our boys did us proud and played beautifully.

    Anywhoo what the devil is going on with Liverpool and Chelsea i have never seen 2 giant teams fall from grace as quickly as these 2, i mean 3 months ago Chelsea were flying and were scoring goals for fun, and winning everytime,as well as playing some lovely football and now they are in this shocking form, the big boys need to step up and help turn the season over. As for Liverpool i just feel sorry for Gerrrard. The guy deserves a medal for his passion and wanting to succeed shame he plays with some shitty players i mean Torres on his day is a unplayable but his been in a slump for a very long time now, and i have feeling he wont be hanging around much longer, though i hope he stays cos Liverpool cant afford to lose one of their better players (granted he hasnt been his best)

    Ohh and Everton winning made my day, i have a soft spot for this team.

  18. ThatWelshOne says:

    My Spurs boys broke my heart last night :( Hope Bale isn't too badly injured. We didn't play too badly, VDV was awesome as usual, but fair play to Everton, they were awesome!

    • LuvinBale says:

      I have so many reasons to be upset with this game.

      #1- I didnt even get to see it!!! Fox soccer channel decided not to televise it!! (I sent them a ranting email)
      #2- Then I have to learn that Bale got hurt during the game – by Phil Neville!! That mans face looks like it got hit with a bag of hot nickels!!!
      #3- WE LOST!!!!!!!!!! I am just dying on the inside.
      #4- I don't get to see the FA cup game coming up do to Fox not televising that one either. Chelsea, Man Utd, MaN City and Arsenal's games are all televised.
      Why is there no love for Spurs?

      I plan on having a big drink and plan my attack on Phil Neville for hurting Bale. Who's with me!? If that man has never been hit with a bag of hot nickels – he definitely will know what it fills like after I get done with him!!!

      • Deb Stimson says:

        It was on ESPN3.com but it was only going to be shown live. Most games are shown live and then "replay." Liverpool was also shown on ESPN3.com but again…only live. The were both on at the same time and I didn't get to see either one. :'{

  19. Summer says:

    My face after this results was the same face of Nano in this picture…My Chelsea lost (shit!) and I'm desperate and inconsolable, my Liverpool lost (shit again!) and I'm deeply upset, Roy Hodgson hasn't been sacked…Could things go worst??

  20. tracy765 says:

    Living in the US, I woke up this morning confident that I would read the news of Hodgson's firing. Sadly, it hasn't happened yet. I can only hope it comes before the match against Man U on Sunday. The one happy point was Stevie's goal, which looked to be driven by anger and frustration (i.e. was pretty hot.)
    Also, I really, really wanted to give Pepe Reina a big hug after yesterday's game. You know, more that I usually do.

  21. lorena_yGp says:

    The best week to be a Red Devil!!! :-) and now let's win on 9th and this week will be EPIC!!! :-) ))
    + Barca got through next stage of Copa del Rey!!! if i survived last 10minutes of last night's game I will survive anything ;-)

    • Deb Stimson says:

      the Barca/Athleti game was such a good match. Athleti put up a good fight even up to the end. I like Barca but I kind of have a thing for the underdogs, especially when they play their hearts out like Athleti did, so I was kind of hoping that Athleti would pull it out. At least llorente and Pique where having a friendly chat after the game…it was nice to see.

  22. meh says:

    I found the arsenal match was exciting, we played really really well, we deserved the win but man city put about 100 people in the box so we were never gonna score….and LOL at chelsea and ashley cole ;)

  23. Sna Llorente says:

    Hahahaha, I wonder if 6ernando pulls faces like that to entertain his bambinos?? wonder if Roy already had his bags packed in advance too, any1 on the cards to replace him maybe..hmmmmm

  24. Leya_S says:

    This is MILDLY unrelated but I just found out that Pipita Higuain is going to have back surgery in Chicago at Northwestern's Feinberg School of Medicine on Tuesday!!! I didn't realize it was really that serious! We love you Gonzalo!
    The hilarity is that a large portion of ppl won't even know who he is…..I wish I lived in Chicago….

    • Jules says:

      Poor Gonzalo. I’m a cule but there is nothing worse than having an operation in a country where you don’t speak the language and have to recuperate in a hotel. You’re bored out of your mind (with not even telly to entertain you) and end up pining for your own bed. Or I’m just projecting my own bad experiences onto him.

    • Deb Stimson says:

      I live in the area but the hospital is downtown near the lake. Even if I took the metra & El, it'd take me a good hour to get there.

      Sadly, I bet there won't even be a mention of it in the news. And yes, Leya, most people won't know who he is :{

  25. Leya_S says:

    Yay I have the same alleigiances as you!
    Being a Liverpool fan is really a rollercoaster of emotions this season. I never seem to know how the games are gonna go! I was thoroughly disappointed that Arsenal didn't win against Man.City as for reasons unknown to me, I've recently come to dislike City (as a team, not as individual players, that is).
    I didn't catch the Barca game, but I heard Abidal was amazing and Afellay debuted! Whoo! Even though they tied, pics look like the game was good! I love those boys.

  26. Linda says:

    The Arsenal game was SO frustrating. I actually found myself very thankful that at least they didn't get ahead only to lose it in spectacular fashion in the 2nd half. Liverpool on the other hand – just sad to see. The lack of ambition and cohesion…I just kept thinking of the joke about how Stevie G. is like a tray that carries 9 mugs (lets not include Pepe!). Gave me chills though when the traveling Reds sang Gerrard's song after he missed the penalty. That's what it's all about. That's why I love this game.

    • Lily-Rose says:

      Stevie missed the penalty, well it's true but I think that at the moment Stevie G. is the Liverpool. I've realized this thing: there isn't Liverpool anymore, now there is Stevie G. against the others teams, I mean that he does all the job in this team, so he attack, defend, play and he's a forward, a defender, a midfielder and in the next matches he may be also the goalkeeper!! He's really a great player, so I think that he deserves all the love from LFC and not only fans.

  27. Tephy says:

    WHOA CHELSEA. What is up with that.
    and please somebody explain to me (preferably with graphics and charts coz it's a difficult subject) why Roy hasn't been fired when the fans hated him, the players are unmotivated by him, and yeah… there's this THEY KEEP ON SUCKING thing…?

  28. MissEstonia says:

    lol Torres' face is priceless, I think it's really funny and sums up the feeling perfectly for Liverpool fans I'm sure.

  29. Gibson currently all round game is not special but has never been given a run and was slated for his performance against Birmingham but was played out of position, if it were Anderson people would slate the manager. Lets see he may not make it but for me he is something we don’t have and that deserves another look.