October 25th, 2011

MLS Results: Millinery & Mild Nudity

Someone in this pile is wearing Tim Ream‘s genitalia like a hat. How nice. Image: Mike Stobe/Getty Images North America.

It’s taken several hours of screaming, sulking, bribery and threats to stop our resident photoshopper from producing an anatomically correct illustration of the above caption.

Honestly? We feel like we’ve done you a favour.

Vancouver Whitecaps 1-2 Colorado Rapids

Please allow us to direct you to a previous post involving euphemisms about hand and foot sizes. It will save us all time while we look at this picture of Joe Cannon. Image: Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images North America.

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Toronto FC 2-2 New England Revolution

Torsten! It’s been a while… how’s it hanging? Oh, lank and barely restrained by a headband, just like always. Well, good for you, mate! Image: Abelimages/Getty Images North America.

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Houston Dynamo 3-1 Los Angeles Galaxy

Just so you know, we’re not going to get bored anytime soon with this ‘players in pink accessories for Breast Cancer Awareness’ ish. In fact, it might get worse. Bob Levey/Getty Images North America.

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Chicago Fire 3-2 Columbus Crew

JULIUS JAMES! Turn around immediately, you buffoon… naked backs are ok, but not nearly enough when you’re struggling for exposure on Kickette. Image: David Banks/Getty Images North America.

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We’re disappointed. At this stage of a season, we expect far more effort to be expended in the clothing removal area. However, you have one more opportunity to prove yourselves. The MLS play-offs take place this weekend (schedule here, sports fans) and if there is sufficient nudity/tenting we might forgive you.

Might, we said.

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5 Responses to “MLS Results: Millinery & Mild Nudity”

  1. Doug says:

    Booooo! More Timbers, Less Red Bulls!

  2. kaya says:

    I'd like to think it's Marquez, but I know he wouldn't be caught dead in a team celebration.

  3. Kay20 says:

    Congrats to all the teams making it through to the MLS play-offs! Here's to many Kickette posts to come!!!

    (And I think the pink accessories are great too – check out the goalkeeper ones!)

    I think the person wearing the Ream hat is Dane Richards – for scoring a much needed goal in that particular game.

    • Audrey says:

      Nah, Dane's short enough to avoid that unfortunate hat. Nice goal though; I love that one of the shortest guys on the field scored with a header.
      Now on to Dallas!

      • DebS says:

        Dane Richards is so incredibly fast, isn't he? I think he strikes fear in most people trying to defend him.