October 30th, 2006

news flash: marriage solves all personal issues

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Bulgarian premier leaguer Ivelin Popov has been ordered by his bosses to get married next year. Concerned that his behaviour is out of control, they think a nice ball and chain will work wonders to calm his fast ass down.

Let us pre-empt this reportage to ask: do these people actually know any footy players? Pushing marriage as a solution to errant ways? For real? We best be off to try and sell them the wonderful magic beans we found in the back garden.

Continuing on, surely Mr. Popov is just doing what comes natural for young ballers: they spend money like it’s tap water, gallivant ‘til dawn with the lay-dies and express anger in unmanaged angry ways. The dude is nineteen and making trailerloads of cash. His hormones are barely under his own control – how dare they try to put a stopper on his need to be an idiot?

Incredibly, Popov says he’s ready to settle down and will “accept the order.“

“Don’t remind me my past, please…I know I’m a very bad boy and I want to meet my 20th birthday as a married man.“

We’d love to give you more information about Ivelin’s exploits, but most of the stuff we found was in foreign languages, and we barely speak English as it is. In fact, we’re really quite scared to Google him, in case he’s an un-cutie, or worse, a ginger. We’re going to live with our chosen image of Popsy as a cross between Fabio Cannavaro and Zizou. Ah, that works nicely.

Link: Bulgarian Player Ordered To Get Married By Club

*UPDATE* So, we found the damn picture. We wish we hadn’t. Keep living happily in fantasy, or check him out here .

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