February 13th, 2012

Night Out: WAGs At Playground Party

Playground night club at the Liverpool Hilton Hotel is open for business, Kickettes. Start planning your stalking/ mini-skirt schedule now chicks ‘cos this place is bound to be a ‘ballers-and-bubbly sure thing this Spring.

Anyhoo, representing for the loved up crowd at Liverpool designer Tony Burke’s (one half of the Philip Armstrong label) was Andy Carroll and his girlfriend, as well as Djibril Cisse and wife Jude. The always-ready paparazzi also did their best to get most of England’s top WAGs from their very best angles, including Abbey Crouch, Coleen Rooney and Alex Gerrard.

We’ve affectionately dubbed this the “fake tan parade” for reasons that are painfully obvious.

Abbey Crouch got swallowed whole by her jacket, which was definitely not made from sheepdogs, but sure looked it. If one of the hottest WAGs on the planet can’t work this look, it’s probably one for the “oh hell no” pile.

Mrs. Rooney accentuated her orangeness with a snakeskin printed Philip Armstrong dress. We’ve documented Coleen’s love of custom made Armstrong dresses, but we’re sorta sick of seeing her in them at this point. Change it up, Col.

Although Alex’s fashion had been working hard to fall back into favour with us, Saturday night’s situ was a complete let down. As was her microscopic tuxedo dress, which was probably just a long jacket she thought covered enough of her assets to be called a dress. She also carried the same Christian Louboutin clutch as Jude Cisse, but the ultimate faux pas was her fake bake mustache. When you wear enough bronzer to make it look like your face needs a shave, it’s time to re-evaluate.

Is there anything redeeming here or should we just forget it ever happened?

 

 

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28 Responses to “Night Out: WAGs At Playground Party”

  1. Agnes Wonka says:

    I think Coleen looks good. She looks classy and better than the rest…

  2. benjo says:

    Andy and Stacie are a lovely couple

  3. Alone- Brazil says:

    One more thing, Alex should no longer use this kind of clothes after a married woman, mother of three girls, there is a good example for them!

  4. Kat89 says:

    Coleen looks good I personally love her dress…. the rest need some ginger ale

  5. Kristina says:

    None of these pictures are flattering. But then again, fake tan never is. I don't understand the obsession with being tan. I mean, if it's not a natural tan it always looks tacky. And why do you want to look like that?

  6. stella says:

    Ahahahah how uninterested does Djibril look to have Jude on his arm? SHe is such a cling on. Just like her bff wont mention names lool

  7. Catie2838 says:

    I get wanting a little color, but I don't get the oompa loompa aspect. There's tan. Then there's orange. Pale always looks better than orange. I wish they would just accept their lack of melanin, but that's probably wishing for too much.

  8. IrishBlue says:

    Abbey and her fish lips and Colleen and her scary eyebrows, ladies please.

  9. Lucy says:

    what a bunch of natural beauties! (rolls eyes)

  10. Melaniee. says:

    You know I just figured Alex would care more about her baby then about going out to clubs. I guess I was wrong.

  11. banana says:

    does abbey crouch/abbey crouch’s publicist have some serious dirt on kickette? or is there money involved? or a booze and chocolate offering or WHAT. how is it possible that kickette worships the ground she walks on, i’m sure there’s better options in the WAG spectrum…

  12. Tough Crowd says:

    They can't win can they? (; Honestly their Tan is OTT!

  13. Bridget says:

    Because if they didn't tan, we'd gossip about them being too white. Keep it real people, and stop being so catty!

    • kel says:

      I don't think I've ever heard someone gossip about how white someone was, probably because it'd be their natural colour and not fake.

  14. The Ramos says:

    Looks like Abbey got lip injections…oh yeah very natural looking!

  15. Sarie says:

    The lipstick Alex is wearing is horrible. Really, really horrible. The dress is bad too. But that lipstick is worse.

  16. Alone- Brazil says:

    Abbey Crouch put botox in the lips? My God killed the guy!

  17. Alone- Brazil says:

    Some insist Wags but can not get something decent, poor Steven Gerrard!
    Collen greatly improved congratulate you girl!

  18. lydia says:

    Ugh… Alex, no one is buying that you're really that dark. Time to lighten up, if you know what I mean.