November 4th, 2008

Off-Pitch Exploits: Good Week/Bad Week



The Beckhams, everywhere: David has recently stated for the record that his Armani underwear ads were not retouched. Not sure whether Victoria Beckham will be able to say the same after her racy shots for the obviously senile and delusional design talent hit the billboards.

In other Posh news of note, she has been featured on the cover of Indian Vogue and has also been offered £10 million for an AC Milan themed documentary about her hubby’s impending move. That amount of cash will certainly cover several detective/hoochie-watch agency fees; we suggest she seriously considers.

Theo Walcott, campaigning: It’s a good week for babies and the boobylicious as Arsenal’s Theo Walcott endorses a pro-breastfeeding DVD. FYI/TMI, Theo says, “I have always been healthy and my mum says it is down to the breastfeeding. And she is always telling me that one of the reasons I’m such a good footballer is because I was breastfed.” (Note: link includes baby, boobies).

Abbey Clancy, smoking: Abbey continues her reign of hotness. What on earth is going on with this chick? We suspect some sort of contract with the devil in exchange for serious levels of sizzle. (Note: link includes Abbey in her undies)

Michael Owen, honoured: Newcastle’s best looking benchwarmer, Michael Owen, has been awarded an honourary fellowship to Wrexham’s Glyndr University. He looks deliciously geeky in his cap and gown. Btw, who do you think rocks the fellowship nerd-chic look better? Mikey or Stevie Gerrard?


Sergio Ramos, wrist-slapped: The Ramos has issued an apology after publicly complaining about Real Madrid head coach Bernd Schuster’s strategic choices and his role in the team.

image Cut to Sergio’s toned but benched arse sitting out the next game. Apparently things are now sorted between the two who made up over a extra frothy cappucino and some choco-chip biscotti. Or so we would like to imagine.

Martin Demichelis, enhanced: Looks like Marty crossed the wrong doctor. The FC Bayern star has been outted for his Botox use.

Says doctor Cristian Perez Latorre:
“Demichelis is a footballer I have worked on. He injects Botox into his lips before games. He wants to look good.”
Wait, Botox is for lips now? Huh?

Coleen Rooney, challenged: Dear Mrs. Rooney had a tricky time of it when it came to wardrobe selection prior to the big Cricket Fashion Show. Her first choice Balenciaga dress had to go back in the closet because Victoria Beckham wore it first. Givenchy brought it home for the win instead.

Alex Gerrard, uncomfortable: Not sure how this comes up in conversation, but Alex recently admitted to the media, “I thought my boobs were going to explode”. That’s got bad news written all over it.

Finally, it remains to be seen whether West Ham fan (and potential Arsenal manager) Barack Obama or John McCain will end up having a better week, but we want to remind our all eligible US Kickettes to break out a pair of super cute voting shoes and get in the polling queues asap!

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21 Responses to “Off-Pitch Exploits: Good Week/Bad Week”

  1. truly_thata says:

    Leather Exploitation by Victoria Beckham!

  2. truly_thata says:

    Leather Exploitation by Victoria Beckham!

  3. Tamra says:

    Sorry, VB, too Rhythm Nation for me. :)

  4. Moonie says:

    I saw the full length pics of VB and agree the bag is stunning but the rest’s not good imo. Oh and Mikey looks a total sweetie.

  5. Erin says:

    I love Abbey. Dumb as a stump, but gorgeous and stupidly sweet. And she stole that hair-do from Alex Gerrard. Voted! And watching the returns so far….I'm excited! Change is coming!!

  6. FootballerChick43 - "Mrs.Ballack" says:

    This was, by far, the funniest thing I have ever read. And MSN wrote it, strangely enough. Enjoy!
    "Attention, all passengers! As you leave the airport, please be advised of the rules that guests of the Beckham Nation must follow. As decreed by Queen Victoria (hallowed be her name), carbohydrates are outlawed. Anyone found to be carrying … morebread, pastries or any bread- or pastry-like substance faces a minimum of a year of hard labor in the queen’s personal tannery, where you will be forced to make ultra-chic leather goods and mix vats of the royal bronzer. And ladies, please ensure the heels on your stilettos are a minimum of 5 inches high. Anything lower than that will be legally considered "insufficiently fierce" and will result in a mandatory spanking with the latest Vogue. Sunglasses shall be large enough to cover the top half of your face but not so big that the cheese-slicing sharpness of your cheekbones is hidden. Also, cheese is not allowed, except the low-cal cottage variety. And remember: While an enigmatic upturn of the lips is permitted, smiling, grinning, laughing, giggling and chortling of any kind is strictly forbidden in the Beckham Nation. If you see any of these laws being violated, please approach the nearest patrolling Posh-Bot, which are easily recognizable by their police caps, preternatural chicness and complete lack of body fat. Enjoy your stay."

  7. FootballerChick43 - says:

    On the Beckhams, more money rolling in? I'd be having a good week too if I was making that much, lol.On Theo Walcott, wow.On Abbey, meh.On Michael Owen, thats adorable. I can't pick a winner on the nerd-chic, look, though. Probably Owen, though.On the Ramos, jeez. What is it with ballers and publicly criticizing these past few weeks?On Demichelis, hm.On Coleen, meh.On Alex, why?

  8. Sarah says:

    Hee! Obama for prez AND Arsenal manager!Kidding. I know he's gotten muchos criticism lately, but I like Wenger where he is kthanx.

  9. Shandora says:

    Btw, who do you think rocks the fellowship nerd-chic look better? Ryan Giggs –>…

  10. LynxKitten says:

    Victoria Beckham looks nothing like her real self, I saw that issue in the stands. I loathe that woman!

  11. Venice says:

    Whoa, the Ramos looks moderately attractive there, must be because of the stubble :-D "Hey Mum did you see the hattrick I scored in Zagreb?" "It's because you were breastfed son, don't you forget that! And make sure you tell everyone!"

  12. carly says:

    Hilarious! All of it! hahah And Mickey looks great! Bless him! I would vote, if I could. And when I can, I always vote. lol

  13. carly says:

    Hilarious! All of it! hahah And Mickey looks great! Bless him! I would vote, if I could. And when I can, I always vote. lol

  14. LoveLamps says:

    THE RAMOS! That man is fine no matter what he is saying. Does he even need to speak? Oh THE RAMOS! *thud*

  15. lose that girl says:

    I saw the pics of Posh elsewhere, and it's a shame the photo here is cropped. I *love* her purse! It's not outlandish, or ugly…looks functional and fashionable. Her leather coat isn't bad either. Can't really tell from this version of the photo though. I like Abbey Clancy. Can't help it. I know she's a bit dim, but she's sweet, and there are worse things to hate people for. I'm always cheering for her to succeed in her endeavors.I bet Theo gets kidded non-stop from his team-mates about the breast feeding comments. Isn't his Mum a major pro breast-feeding spokeswoman or something?Alex Gerrard and her exploding boobs? That I'd like to see! Ha ha!lose that girl blog

  16. Becca says:

    Is Abbey Clancy Really Going On Im A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here? .. Please Confirm ..

  17. Innocenza says:

    Wow, Theo, not only passive immunity but also football skillz? Quick, somebody tell him it’s only good for a few months before anybody gets a bright idea. ATTN Dr. Cristian Perez Latorre, re: Botox Psst. It’s not the lips the ladies are looking at.

  18. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Aww Owen looks like Oliver.

  19. TammyV says:

    I VOTED!

  20. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Aww Owen looks like Oliver.

  21. TammyV says:

    I VOTED!