November 6th, 2012

Olivier Giroud: How To Cope With A ‘He Stinks’ Brand Of Hot

There comes a time when reality gets territorial over your shameful lust for a particular ‘baller. In a universe made up of constant media coverage, diamante-clad hissy fits and skanks that lay in wait, somethings bound to give.

But when its his professional skillz that start to slip, the effects on your libido-ettes can be devastating. Truly.

A shortlist of suggestions for working through the differences that stand in the way of you and your current object of affection – which is one of the numerous services we aim to regularly provide for our beloved readers.

1. Shout obscenities at him whilst spanking his bottom with Prada gift-cards. Tough love won’t know what hit him.

2. Mentally wander off to that fateful day when you first laid eyes on your toy boy. Or perhaps, when you first laid eyes on your toy boy’s private parts.

3. Marvin Gaye. On repeat. Ignore the obvious. In that order.

4. Admit that the player’s on-pitch performance is fouler than Ronaldinho’s game worn boots and file him under the ‘he stinks’ brand of hot. Pay his filing cabinet frequent visits as you transition into the ‘making peace’ phase of stinky hottie acceptance.

5. Google, Tumblr, YouTube, et al. Scouring social media is useful when deciding whether or not the ‘baller in question is still worth the “grab if the building’s on fire” effort.

Other methods of settling the terribly hot, suddenly terrible player strife, Kickettes? Pipe up now, save a fellow soldier girl or boy later.

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21 Responses to “Olivier Giroud: How To Cope With A ‘He Stinks’ Brand Of Hot”

  1. tap co bung says:

    I am happy to come here and get latest update about such a videos and buy an essays uk avail on good prices

  2. sohbet says:

    rt my team, and Rod is a total legend! Also it's so nice to read all the nice comments about Celtic, I am so proud of them! Not only that i cannot believe i got to see Barca! Bringing

  3. night of my life!! So happy to have been there to support my team, and Rod is a total legend! Also it's so nice to read all the nice comments about Celtic, I am so proud of them! Not only that i cannot believe i got to see Barca! Bringing

  4. Doreen says:

    What rubbish, he's been lovely for Arsenal (especially since he began starting regularly) and for my interior dream world. So pleased we signed him, and that he's so good at updating his Twitter and FB with photos of his delicious self.

  5. Lola says:

    He totally delivered this weekend, he's absolutely worth it. :) Love this guy.

  6. celinelx says:

    Well, he's getting better with each game! and he scored twice during the weekend, so let's hope he starts scoring more! :D

  7. Kate says:

    Am I the only one thinking Ozil should be on the finest five list? He's not conventionally good looking, but he's incredibly, incredibly sexy. Something about him being dubbed the Magician makes me think he'd be quite fortunate in the bedroom ;) And he has the best body of any footballer, as far as I'm concerned.

    • Utd Girl says:

      Aww I love Mesut! It's so funny because at first I found him very strange looking, but as time went on, I fell inlove with him. I think he is so adorable! He's very innocent looking!

  8. ChelseaGirl says:

    wow, he's almost as hot as Fernando ;) <3

  9. Miss_F says:

    He just needs to find his feet; he's doing okay, not as brilliant as he could be. He scored last night and when he came on as a sub a few games ago (FA cup, I think) he really made a diiference. But I also think, he's not connecting with his teammates as well as he could… If you watch the Barca or Real boys, it's like they know what each is thinking, but it's not like that at Arsenal. Giroud will hopefully come good, if not, he can always serve as eye candy! ;)

  10. Miss_F says:

    I think he’ll get there, its just a matter of finding his feet on the pitch. He scored last night, and when he came on as a sub two games ago (some cup game I think) he really made a difference.And he does alright for France too. If you watch the games you’ll see that his teammates don’t always connect well with him… See how the Barca or Real boys just know what each is thinking? Its not always the case at Arsenal, unfortunately. We need to be patient, Giroud will come good! If not, he can be the eye candy ;)

  11. GoonerKate says:

    Giroud must be reading Kickette. He scored in the CL today to prove himself! :)
    And despite the lack of goals, I don't think he's been playing that badly. Certainly not any worse than the rest of Arsenal has been (I'm looking at you, Vermaelen!). Plus, his obscene hotness makes up for a whole lot of errors.

  12. Utd Girl says:

    In my opinion, SERGIO is the only one on the Finest Five that should be there…

    I also think Robin Van Persie can take up the vacant spot considering for some reason Fernando isn't getting it.

    • Anna says:

      Fernando should be in the HOF list in my opinion. He is perfection personified.

    • Leya_S says:

      Robin van Persie doesn't deserve to be anywhere NEAR Finest Five, not after he cheated on us by moving to ManU. I'll never forgive his adorable salt-and-pepper goal-scoring self….

  13. OhDear says:

    To be fair to OG, it takes a while (I've heard a year?) for non-EPL players to adjust to the league.

  14. Loninha - Brasil says:

    Is it wrong I think Olivier Giroud and Mario Gomez having sex? … OMG if I apologize because I'm already imagined!

  15. PhilippaB says:

    Olive will come good for the Gunners.
    OK, not brilliant so far, but there were bigger problems at the weekend than him…
    (also bear in mind he has previous on throwing his *shorts* into the crowd. if that helps)

  16. dancingapple says:

    Thankfully those photos in Tetu and the adorable singing and the general hotness makes it easy to ignore any stinkiness. That and strong cocktails while watching him play.

  17. Andrea says:

    He and Yoann Gourcuff are sooooo HOT. Viva La France!!!