January 10th, 2012

On Our Radar: Lance Parker, FC Edmonton


Lance Parker cleans up

Mmmm, Tuesday’s looking up isn’t it? Images via Greg in Hollywood.

We’ve been jonesing for brand spankin’ new (and naive) man meat to profile on our humble little site, and boy did our wishing, hoping and bartering with God pay off!

Allow us to introduce you to Lance Parker and his abs, who both play for FC Edmonton in the North American Soccer League. Unfortunately he’s still a bit of a mystery on Google, but so far we know he’s a 26-year-old goalkeeper from Oklahoma City (aka a southern midwestern gentleman?) and previously played in the MLS for Chivas USA between ’08-’09. On top of all that, he’s very comfortable sans clothing, has been known to woo women with Frank Sinatra songs and makes us wanna bust out the pom poms and pop, lock and drop it in his honour.

Last we heard, this poor little lamb had a broken arm. Give us a call, Lance. We’ll send you a gaggle of our finest readers (who will be chaperoned by yours truly) to tend to your needs.

For more nummy nakedness, keep scrolling.

Lance Parker of FC Edmonton



FC Edmonton goalkeeper Lance Parker



FC Edmonton's Lance Parker

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74 Responses to “On Our Radar: Lance Parker, FC Edmonton”

  1. Marina_Isabella says:

    all dat hair… omg!

  2. Victoria says:

    For once I'm proud to live in Edmonton

  3. Angry Beaver says:

    holy cow! i need to move to OK stat!

  4. tlc says:

    Yummy!!!! I need his #….

    seriously sexy!

  5. HNC says:

    WOW! Just WOW!
    I live in Edmonton and wanted to go to a game this coming season. Now I NEED to go to a game!
    YUMMY :D

  6. Jay says:

    He did not come out. Dont believe the haters. Why are you people so quick to judge? He is hetrosexual male that is comfortable being a model. You must be from some backwoods town to make comments so ignorant Kat. He is personal friend of mine. Ladies feel free to swoon.

    • mata says:

      Wow. I've got to stick up for Kat here. I went back and read her comment and all she said is if he did come out then good for him for having the courage. Welcome to the 21st century, Jay, most people don't think gay is bad. The only "hater" here seems to be you. You owe Kat an apology. And Lance needs new friends.

  7. Lis says:

    You were right the first time he is southern. Oklahoma is not the midwest at all, it boarders Texas.

  8. Alone- Brazil says:

    thanks Kickette !!

  9. mata says:

    LOL, I'm all for that!

  10. Alex says:

    As someone born and raised in Oklahoma, I can say that 1/3 consider themselves southern, 1/3 consider themselves southwestern, and the other 1/3 midwestern. I really don't care what the hell he considers himself; I consider him beautiful.

  11. mata says:

    Isn't it great? Kickette soldier boys and girls of all colours, creeds, nationalities and orientations, united by a common lust! This guy's beauty is I think the only time I've ever seen everybody here in agreement, too funny! :)

  12. Rachel says:

    Whoo Kickettes what are you doing to me? I had to do some work today, but totally distracted now. That 2nd picture with that tie…

    • Meeka says:

      You actually noticed the tie? I had to scroll up to check, which I thank you for… LOL
      Damn… *sigh*

  13. Marta says:

    What a beautiful man. I'll be in awe for the rest of the month. Amen, Kickette, amen!

  14. xoWinnie says:

    UM…HULLO! where have you been all my (legal) life?!

  15. chris says:

    best way to unwind after a long arse day at work and school. thank you thank you, Kickette!!!

  16. Mrs. Q.Borri says:

    Oh. Holly. Mother. of. God.
    Im speechless because this man screams confidence.
    And that is so so so sexy.
    I need a couple minutes. to recover.

    i know Adil & Marco are confident men but… Wow. This guy right here is something special. Very special!

  17. spvrp says:

    Dear Lord, that last picture is perfection.

  18. chay says:

    all i have to say is wow, what a pretty boy

  19. YvoYeungGirl says:

    OMG this guy plays for FC EDMONTON?! I did not k now such amazing looking abs existed in my hometown!! I would have searched high and low for this over the holidays.

  20. LizzyHS90 says:

    Umm…..Yes please.

  21. Doug says:

    I am gay, but sadly I have about as much of a chance as most of you. HOWEVER, the pix were faaaantastic!!! Wheee!!!

  22. littlegreenpea says:

    AMERICA!!! Hooray for hotness!!

  23. kiki says:

    Where is it confirmed that he's gay?

  24. Kat says:

    What's the sound, you ask? That's the sound of Kickette hearts breaking all over the world at the news that this gorgeous, gorgeous man is gay.

    Cheer up girls, that means that's one less WAG to be envious of. And good for him coming out. You don't see many male athletes doing that.

  25. DrStrangelove says:

    What We Know At This Stage

    Married, gay, southern or from Oklahoma – uncertain.

    Smokin' hot – certain.

  26. earidurt says:

    …………………………………………………. *THUD*

  27. balicious8 says:


  28. Nahe says:

    Oh my…thank you!

  29. Carolina says:


  30. mata says:

    Sorry to disappoint ladies, but I seem to think he's come out. Correct me if I'm wrong Kickette girls/boys in the USA.

    • Marta says:

      even if he did come out (I've no idea! I didn't even know this angel existed until this post!), am I still allowed to stare at his gorgeousness? If so, I don't care! Yummy yummy!

    • Anna says:

      If he is gay and did come out, it would be a great example for other football players !

    • Ash Menon says:

      I think that's a different Lance Parker. The one on MySpace doesn't look like him much.

      Ugh, mata, you gave me such hopes!

  31. MsMe says:

    Holy cow, the one in India! Is he gay? I hope so, no other women could touch him either!

  32. Michelle says:

    Kickette – I am fairly sure that he is gay, so you shouldn't tease the girls like this. And a "Southern Gentleman" would be from the South (e.g. Georgia) , not Oklahoma.

  33. Sharon says:

    Wow!!! He’s my new football crush.

  34. caquark says:

    Southern gentleman?! Doubtful if he's from Oklahoma. Out or not? Can't confirm. But regardless, he's a very beautiful specimen of the male species. And I thought my sunny day was good enough, this picture just made it better. Many thanks, Kickette!

  35. Ana says:

    Good God! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  36. Lauren_BCN says:

    This is why I love Kickette's :-) ))

  37. Amy says:

    You posted this right after Benny got married on purpose, right? To help us with our pain? Is this our rebound from Benny?

    Works for me!

    (I already commented, but I came back for a second look and needed to make a second comment. :D )

    • rossanera says:

      He's actually not married yet … he's at camp with the USMNT ;)

      • Amy says:

        I thought he was supposed to get married last week-end! Did he have to postpone to go to camp? If he did, Klinsmann better give him some time against Venezuela and Panama!

        I guess postponing your wedding is the price you pay to marry a footballer. I would be OK with it. :D

  38. Céline says:

    Oh my, first Fabio and now this. U wanna kill us kickette?

  39. rossanera says:

    Well, never in my life did I think I'd have a reason to want to go to Edmonton, but there you go. On the Air Canada website right now …

    • JCJ says:

      Don't go there. I live there and it's not worth it, haha … well perhaps it is, if this guy is there! I can't believe I've never heard of/seen him before!

  40. Alyssa says:

    WHOA I think I need to start paying attention to the MLS.

  41. sıla says:

    Her face is very attractive but but I think a lot of hairy.

    • hansh says:

      I'm guessing your first language isn't English? Just a head's up, you should say "HIS face is very attractive." Otherwise you're calling our gorgeous Lance Parker a girl :)

      • chay says:

        I am guessing sila is Turkish. Anyhow, it doesn't matter–we all understood what he/she said, right?

        Anyhow, he is hardly hairy, IMHO. And besides, i like some hair :-D

    • Marina_Isabella says:

      lol what? dat hair! yeah, I personally tend to like men who have some hair on their bodies… I don't really favor the waxed look. Men look good with their fur on.

  42. IrishBlue says:

    We may just have the definition of the perfect looking man right here. It's love at first sight for me anyway……



  44. Emma says:

    Oh. My. GOD…. Kickette, I am forever in debt to you..

  45. Kat22 says:

    I like that he doesn't shave/wax his chest. Makes him look more manly! Gorgeous guy.

  46. Rory says:

    Holy deliciousness.

  47. Melaniee. says:

    hooollyy crap.
    look at those eyes….
    and the half nekkidness…
    basically just look.