June 3rd, 2010

Ooh La La: The 5 Fittest French World Cup Footballers

France: the country that continuously keeps on giving. Chanel, Macaroons, sexy-as-hell accents and Champagne, (for which we will forever be eternally grateful).  It seems appropriate then, that we analyse the land of cake, fab fashion and hot-derriered men to come up with our own list of fitties from the footballing world.  Its a hard job, but someone’s gotta do it. So without further ado, here’s our favs from the squad. Vive La France!

1. Yoann Gourcuff

We couldn’t not have him in première position. (Hee! We said “position”.) He is: the wind beneath our wings, our sunshine on a cloudy day, the padded insole in our 5 inch heels. His model good looks always make us smile – and contemplate other less pure and innocent things. Our Finest Five top pick makes us want to pen Shakespearian-style sonnets to him and his bone structure.

If you needed further justification, our lovely Lashes won The Kickette 2009 Readers Choice Award as the baller with the most redunkulous body (by a landslide). And any baller with such a fondness for getting semi naked is always gonna be #1 in our book.

2. Thierry Henry

Owner of zee best accent in the whole world (we just had to go there), and the Kickette approved casual style king, Titi’s cheeky grin gives us the warm fuzzies, and thats not even mentioning the ovary incidents occuring when we see him and daughter Tea cuddle up together to watch the football.

Despite the shudder-making handball disaster in the WC qualifiers we’re sticking by his sex-ay. After all, he’s too adorable, suave and well-dressed not to love.

3. Patrice Evra

Whereas Thierry and Yoann are our clean cut beauties, Patrice has always had something of the bad boy about him (and a bulge to be proud of, in case you care about such things). Bonus: he gives killer bitchface too. We love his rough and ready looks, fab abs, and line in sharp sunnies.

While he’s not the tallest baller on the block, Evra is proof  that like diamond rings, good things do come in small packages. We’d even consider wearing flats.

4. Florent Malouda

Owner of the sharpest cheekbones in the business, and some of the most, ahem, interesting hairstyles too. How can we resist a baller that looks adorbs with a bubba? Or someone who models his hair on an Alexander Wang dress? Malouda’s sultry style, and willingness to follow fashion puts him right up there in with the rest of our faves.

He even looks good with yogurt. Like the importance of dairy in your daily food groups, we’d like a dose of Malouda every 24 hours please.

5. Hugo Lloris

A relative baby at 23, Hugo Lloris is the French NT’s first choice safe pair of hands this WC.  Although previously unmentioned on Kickette, we feel that now is the time to rectify this poor, poor decision. He’s a cutie patootie after all.

As well as being shot stopper for both France and Lyon, he’s from a wealthy fam (his daddy is a banker in Monte Carlo), which brings to mind images of James Bond-esque good times with copious cocktails and summers on yachts whilst hurling abuse at the hired help. No word on his WAG status, so lets just assume he’s single. Go get it girlies!

Who would make your Top 5 French players list?

*Yes, this is based off our highly popular Top 5 list we debuted with Spain a while back. Next up, Brazil!*

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32 Responses to “Ooh La La: The 5 Fittest French World Cup Footballers”

  1. lola says:

    Yoann… My new guilty pleasure!!

  2. elylovesfootball says:

    Yoann!!! his eyes and all..*drools*

    ohh where was i? mmhh yea french guys are awesome

    love when they speak especially Yoann lol

    i agree with Vive la France =)

  3. lonelySTARSHINE says:

    and ofc YOANN IS THE FIRST!!!
    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  4. lonelySTARSHINE says:

    and fc YOANN IS THE FIRST!!!
    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  5. NinyaC says:

    Can't wait for the Brazil one. You guys better include cutie Nilmar!

  6. liv says:

    Yoann is # 1 any where even a blind women would agree he’s beautiful! Henry got swag, I LOVE, love Hugo last name; it so sexy to say Lloris, I feel so dirty when i say it Lloris.

  7. Alex says:

    Eric Abidal?! Much better than Evra Malouda and Lloris

  8. Ana;) says:

    Yes! Yes! We all know, I have a thing for Yoann, :P how could anyone deny him? I could stare at him all day, and not get bored!

    Thierry-one quote "je ne sais quoi!" He just has it about him!

    Hugo is sooo cute!

    Thats my top three =]

  9. Alessandra says:

    yay hugo! definitely a baby, but a definite cutie as well lol.

    yoann and henry of course unf!

  10. Michelle says:

    Yoann…just…Yoann :D

    That body, that face…ooh going to have loads of sweet dreams about that man tonight! ;)

  11. Michelle says:

    Yoann…just…Yoann :D

    Going to have lots of sweet dreams about that man tonight ;)

  12. lala says:

    my top 5 is this :
    1. Yoann Gourcuff
    2. Yoann Gourcuff
    3. Yoann Gourcuff
    4. Thierry Henry
    5. Nicolas Anelka ( i actually dont like t this man but i have to admit he looks good)

  13. TristaJade says:

    Pretty sure I agree with you 100% on this, Kickette. Definitely. ;)

  14. ba says:

    Uugh…Hugo Lloris is not god looking! it's means that there are not more finest players in french squad. For me, Yoan , Evra and T.Henry are the only players who i find attractive. (Malouda, maybe, i don't know him). this team is nothing compared to spain. You know, spanish squad is a full of hotness

  15. Rosey says:

    I love to see Lashes in the morning!!! :)

  16. elle says:

    i don't see the attraction with yoann

    i really don't know why

  17. AKA says:

    I realize he's retired, but no honorable mention of Zizou!? *dies of shock*

    Also: Patriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

    That's it, really.

  18. Lilipop says:

    I don't know what Hugo Lloris is doing here, to me he is among the less attractive in French NT

    but as I am a French citizen, I will never thank you enough for making me feel that sexy…
    ;)

    (french sexiness is not only about men, right?)

  19. Patrice is such a babe. He does good deeds too.

    Check out the video advert for the new Unicef campaign in South Africa.

    http://www.unicef.org/infobycountry/southafrica_5…

  20. Milles says:

    Hi Kickette! I just started following you on twitter recently and I have found this site and your tweets hilarious! I too am an avid football fan, but a girly girl too. So finding you guys was perfect. I wondered if you could follow me back on twitter? @milles_in_peals. Thanks. And keep up the good work!

    p.s. I think Malouda is devastatingly fine too!

  21. lorena_chanel says:

    VIVA LA FRANCE!!! VIVA LA KICKETTE!!! And what can we say,that wasn't said about our #1 YOANN GOURCUFF! I want him BADLY!!!

    Ohhh when will I learn to control myself when i see this gorgeous man?! Probably never,but who can blame me? :-D

  22. Alexa says:

    The premise is excellent but there are way hotter players than those you picked imo. I'm all for Yoann and even Malouda but meh to the others.

    What about… http://www.enjoyfrance.com/images/stories/france/…

    Eh?

    • Lilipop says:

      I don't like Le Tallec

      but

      what about Gameiro?

      Adil Rami?

      and even Yohan Cabaye?

      (so many men, so little time…)