May 7th, 2007
In another life, our favourite resident skank / former girl-crush Danielle Lloyd must have done something real, real bad… like buy discount shoes or wear a dog fur coat, because things are on the non-stop down stroke for her personal life lately.
After Danielle’s love affair with Teddy Sheringham went to pot and she started dating Charlton’s Marcus Bent, we all hoped she would stay out of the tabloids for a tad longer than 5 minutes. Such moments of joy were not to be.
Danielle’s been played out. By a man with the last name of Bent.
The Bent did his doggery whilst Danielle was in hospital to have a suspicious lump removed from her breast. Sources have not confirmed if this suspicious lump was actually Teddy Sheringham. During Dani’s hospital stay, Marcus was hooking up with Kirsty Fisher, an air hostess who ended up giving Marcus an ultimatum to choose between her or Danielle. It’s all class when you’re the mistress to a man who has a girlfriend in the hospital.
Danielle has since sworn off footballers, saying: “I’m obviously very disappointed with him and it’s gutting. Boys will be boys and footballers are the worst boys of all. I guess now it’s definitely no more footballers for me.“
Link: Dani Gives Footy Boys the Boot
Link: Bent Does The Dirty
May 2nd, 2007
Conflicting tales of Victoria Beckham converting to Scientology are emerging. Although so far, Lady Becks has successfully held off indoctrination, some say she has changed her mind and committed to the religion.
We all know Victoria has a will of steel (just watch her not eating for 12 hours on an intercontinental flight or continually denying she’s ever had a boob job), so why is she re-considering now?
It’s down to Katie Holmes, apparently. Some say that the friendship cooled because of the Beckham’s inertia at joining the Scientologists. Some say Tom Cruise has such a hold on Katie that he put the lock on her spending quality time with her BFF Victoria, and now that the California situation is nearly upon Victoria, she’s panicking – she needs a mate and she needs a high profile one to show up on her reality show.
The Daily Mail says: “Tom has made it clear their continued friendship depends on a commitment to Scientology. The way Tom sees it is that he has shown them a great deal of commitment during their move to LA.“
US Weekly says: “Katie’s friendship with Posh indicates she’s not fully committed to the Church” and says Victoria was so getting so annoyed by Tom Cruise’s constant sales pitches (he left 18 messages in an hour) (allegedly), that she snapped at him and said she was not interested in the religion, point blank.
David is not impressed with the Scientology situation, not least because he sure ain’t giving anyone any of his cash, and he doesn’t want his kids brought up in that environment. And to think, some say David doesn’t have a brain.
Link: Have The Cruises Succeeded?
May 2nd, 2007
We’re neither Liverpool nor Chelsea fans, but there’s no two ways about it… Liverpool’s Champion’s League win against the Blues last night was hands down a big ‘ole case of just desserts for Jose bigmouth Mourinho. In case you missed it, first Jose called Cristiano Ronaldo something along the lines of a ghetto stepchild, then he said that Liverpool was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie cup club.
We love a man’s right to be an opinionated yakkity spout, but this time it seems many of the Jose haters will be saying “Boo yah!“ or, “In your face, foreigner!“ or something similar. (Personally, we’d go with “payback is a beeyatch, mofo!“, but choose your own expression at will).
Steven Gerrard said “it was one of the best moments of my life.“ Mourinho said: “… in 10 years or so no one will remember that we were the best team and should have won. All I saw was one team in blue playing without any problems and trying to win the game.“
Link: Mourinho The Deluded One
Link: Jose Re-Opens Ronaldo War
April 30th, 2007
For all those who like ‘em swarthy, arrogant and older (and wow, so many of our readers do), here’s Chelsea big man Jose Mourhino.
Jose isn’t our cup of tea, but who are we to judge those who’re feenin’ on the Mourn-in?
Hell, we’ve been known to fall for any baller with a heartbeat and a paycheque.
Random fact: Jose and/or his kids are big WWE fans, and he hit the WWE Raw event at Earls Court last week. He and the fams were soundly booed. By the poor and those who dwell in trailers, we’ve little doubt.
Link: Jose Mourhino Booed As He Attends WWE
April 29th, 2007
We can all rest easier, take that vacation, and just exhale, now that the Beckhams have found a house in LA.
Victoria flew into LAX on Saturday to take care of business and sign the contracts. Question: couldn’t they just have the paperwork faxed over? Did she have to fly to LA in a nippletastic outfit? Perhaps that was included in the contract terms.
The house costs between £10 -£15 million and was described as “modern, airy, very light and spacious with lots of windows,” by a source close to the Beckhams. Let us state for the record that we sincerely hope no one paid that source for this useless piece of information. Isn’t that description fairly gosh durn obvious?
Perhaps if that wasn’t put on record, many innocent people would be concerned that the Beckhams would choose a hovel with no windows and an outdoor loo as their place of residence in LA.
If anyone would like to hire us for some expert insider quotes, please take this one as an example of our skillset: The Beckhams bought a house they really like. It is big.”