May 11th, 2007
Last night, Ashley Cole partied the night away at Chinawhite’s in London until 2am. Is this news? Perhaps. Rumour has it that he was with two blonde babes whilst Cheryl was tucked up at home in bed resting before the Girls Aloud tour.
Out on the town with Shaun Wright Phillips, Ashley drank, danced and exchanged witty conversation with the FHM model Kayleigh Pearson and TV presenter Natalie Pike. Reports say Ashley seemed “embarrassed” when caught leaving the club. But really, how would you expect him to look? Proud? He was coming out of Chinawhite. Has anyone gone to Chinawhite since 1999? That’s what we’re more concerned about.
Anyhoo, in much more disturbing news, Cheryl Cole is said to have turned down a beaut of a Bentley from Ashley because she says, “I’m no WAG!“.
Oh boy, where do we start with this one. First of all Cheryl, you are a WAG, honey. Your husband is a footballer. Deal. Second of all, were you born in a barn or something? When someone gives you a prezzie, you graciously say thank you, grab the car keys and high tail it to the nail shop to show it off to all of your peeps getting a French mani and a spray tan. And also: no one cares.
“I work hard for my money. I don’t ask Ashley for a penny,“ she says.
Link: Ashley Cole Parties With Blonde Stunners
Link: Cheryl ‘I’m No WAG’ Cole Refuses Luxury Car
May 10th, 2007
Melanie Slade is in Closer magazine this week looking nicely Stepford Wives with Twiglets for Arms Robotomatic Dolly.
If you want to download and read the Deadline magazine section of Closer, click here.
Deadline is part of a reality tv series that we really wish we cared about but the weather is nice, work is kicking our asses and c’mon, we have a thigh competition to judge.
Coleen is launching a “luxurious but affordable” brand, called “Coleen”. This summer we’ll be treated to her first perfume, possibly titled: “I’m Rich, Bitches!“ or “How To Create A Whole ‘Lotta Sumpthin’ Out of Nothin’”.
In other Col news, her first television show (she’s contracted with ITV to do reality-based programming around her life until 2009) is going to be gracing UK screens soon – it’s all about Coleen grooming a group of aspiring models with grooming tips while she zzzzzzzz…. Link: Coleen McLoughlin’s Beauty Line
Closer also makes a compelling photographic example that Joe Cole’s lady, Carly Zucker, has lost the badunk from her trunk and is getting too skinny.
Forget that. Our question: Is there ever a time, a moment, a place, that Carly Zucker doesn’t have her midriff uncovered?
We’re down with a little midriff, but this is like 80s Let’s Get Physical 20 Minute Workout Style midriff. In fact, it’s not a midriff, it’s a ribriff.
David has shaved his hair off. Rapidly changing hairstyles as a sign of an unstable marriage and the need to move in with the editor of Kickette: Discuss.
May 8th, 2007
Less than 24 hours after we reported that Danielle Lloyd dumped Marcus Bent (after she was dumped by Teddy Sheringham), and swore she was finished with footballer players, Danielle got into an altercation at a nightclub over two footballers.
Danielle stumbled into the Paper Club in London, drunkity drunk, and began flirting with Charlton’s Jerome Thomas and Liverpool’s Jermaine Pennant, who were sitting at a table with a hard working blonde that had been putting in the time for her cash prize all evening. At the point when Danielle rolled through, the blonde was dancing on a table, again, working hard for her potential future windfall. Danielle also began some table dancing, but crossed the line when her intoxicated ass bumped into the blonde, who pushed her to the floor in a rage. Danielle was then seen leaving the club with a nasty looking bruised and bleeding leg.
We’re beginning to think some sort of intervention is necessary for Ms. Lloyd, no? She’s only twenty-three and is rolling through ballers at a speed that makes even us uncomfortable, not to mention this chick is acting rather skankalicious on a regular basis. Plus, there’s that whole redneck/bigot thing.
Wannabe WAGs take heed: this is not how to conduct your application for the club.
To see the pap shot of Danielle’s icky leg, check out the story at the Sun: Dani Catfight Over Premiership Aces
May 8th, 2007
We are currently compiling entrants for our first official thigh-off celebration/competition.
Many thighs of thunder will be entered, all will be coveted, none will be excluded.**
Please feel free to send us your nominations. We’ll start things off with some of our favourite thigh masters, Cristiano Ronaldo, Frank Lampard and Fabio Cannavaro.
Please remember: this is a friendly competition. No cat scratching, name calling or nominating anyone unattractive.
**Except for those who we can’t be bothered to source images for, those whose girlfriends/wives annoy us, or those who fall by the wayside as we get bogged down in the mire of large baller legs.
And yes, please cast your vote for one of the three in our first round of hotness.
May 7th, 2007
In another life, our favourite resident skank / former girl-crush Danielle Lloyd must have done something real, real bad… like buy discount shoes or wear a dog fur coat, because things are on the non-stop down stroke for her personal life lately.
After Danielle’s love affair with Teddy Sheringham went to pot and she started dating Charlton’s Marcus Bent, we all hoped she would stay out of the tabloids for a tad longer than 5 minutes. Such moments of joy were not to be.
Danielle’s been played out. By a man with the last name of Bent.
The Bent did his doggery whilst Danielle was in hospital to have a suspicious lump removed from her breast. Sources have not confirmed if this suspicious lump was actually Teddy Sheringham. During Dani’s hospital stay, Marcus was hooking up with Kirsty Fisher, an air hostess who ended up giving Marcus an ultimatum to choose between her or Danielle. It’s all class when you’re the mistress to a man who has a girlfriend in the hospital.
Danielle has since sworn off footballers, saying: “I’m obviously very disappointed with him and it’s gutting. Boys will be boys and footballers are the worst boys of all. I guess now it’s definitely no more footballers for me.“
Link: Dani Gives Footy Boys the Boot
Link: Bent Does The Dirty