March 29th, 2007

The Why Files: David Beckham’s Hair

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source: gossiprocks
image @ the Sport Industry Awards

It’s a sad, dark, and darkly sad day when Victoria Beckham looks better than her husband in a photo. 

Especially when the reason she looks better than her husband is not because she has some kind of fierce diamond ring or a cute accessory on her arm (like Romeo Beckham, for example), but because David has decided to cut his hair into a style one can only describe as that of a crazed and lonely shed worker buying lotto tickets on his break sort of hairdo.

We respect a man’s need to express himself creatively. Most of the time. (Looking at you, David James.)  Lord knows we’ve been 100% down for David’s styling choices over the years – the mohawk, the cornrows… even the cornrows didn’t shake us.  Perhaps, like all major catastrophe’s on a global scale, we’re still in shock and need to rest, recover and eat bon bons before we can fully deal.

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Link: Becks Gets a New Haircut

March 29th, 2007

Coleen McLoughlin: The Circus is Coming

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We’ve got some more deets about what guests can expect at Coleen McLoughlin 21st birthday bash

Think circus.  And not in a good, “media circus” kinda way.

There will be a large marquee set up with a fairground, a semi-circular bar made of ice and an electric curtain (silver, natch), that will open up to reveal contortionists with giant feathers, acrobats and Peter Crouch in drag. 

Just kidding about that last part.  We hope. 

Wayne Rooney will be the “ringmaster”, whatever the hell that means.  Might have something to do with the rumour he’s going to give Coleen a

March 29th, 2007

The Bored Files: Tomas Rosicky

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It’s a slow news day and everyone is either annoying us or is very unattractive.

For example:

We’ve always been believers in the Deny To Infinity methodology for infidelity, meaning: if you get caught, deny until the day you die.  Deny to the point of actually believing your own denial, thus making it much more authentic.  However, there are certain cases where our strategy may not be successful.

Arsenal midfielder Tomas Rosicky has been cold busted partying with half a dozen prostitutes by his girlfriend, Czech model Radka Kocurova.  Apparently she has seen photographic evidence of this over-populated incident.

We would tell you more about this story, but as we said above: unattractive/annoying. If you want to see what Tomas looks like, Google him, cuz we sure as hell aren’t gonna do it.

Link: Rosicky Girl Hooker Party Rage

March 27th, 2007

The Tuesday Tasty: Cristiano Ronaldo

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On a balcony.  In his drawers.  ‘Nuff said.

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March 27th, 2007

The Drunk Off Their Ass List: The Beckhams

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image: xposure
imageAnyone want to predict the level of hangover for these two this morning?

We’re thinking it might be a code red situation. Or, in other words, a driving the porcelain bus situation.

The Beckhams got their groove on last night with P Diddy, first having dinner at London’s Nobu and then heading to the Automat bar.  Reports say David was looking down and not terribly happy – this is the second night in a row we’re hearing about David’s temperate mood. 

We won’t speculate if his attitude has anything to do with us refusing to take his calls anymore. David. You’re married. We can’t be together. Not at least until you send more money. Or a nice necklace. We’re not bothered.

But back to our story of alcohol and Diddyness.  Thinking they could keep up with Puff Daddy was their first mistake.  This is a man who bathes in champagne and wears diamonds the size of croutons in his ears. 

Even with the British-born birthright of being able to drink the bar dry, David and Victoria couldn’t handle it.  They stumbled out into their waiting car, with the Daily Mail reporting Victoria looking “tired and emotional” as she collapsed in a heap over David.  We’ve seen Victoria this hammered before, but it’s a rare pleasure to see the couple completely smashed together.

image: retna
imageThe second mistake? The Burberry tea cozy hat.

The third mistake? (Yes, this was an evening of many) Victoria’s non-bra.  Girl you’re wearing jersey fabric.  Seriously.  Put on a goddamn bra. No one wants to have a conversation with you when those things are doing all the talking.