March 6th, 2007

Want to Be A WAG?

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So, we hate ourselves for even writing about this, but since we can’t bring ourselves to talk about what happened to the lovely Becks and his rotten knee, we’re going there.

A new reality TV show, called, I Want to be a WAG, is being put together, with a “mystery” footballer agreeing to take part. The baller will date 20 wannabe WAGs before choosing a winner. And then he will propose to them.

As in proposing marriage.

We know, we know.  What fake ass footy player have they got lined up for this sham of a show?  We can guarantee it ain’t a premier leaguer.  Where did they find this dude?  Playing in the Seniors’ Sunday League? Who else would agree to do it?

Hang on, it gets better.  The wannabes will be mentored by an established WAG.  She will guide them in the ways of digging for gold, applying fake tanner and showing them which direction they should be looking on the pitch when their man is playing.  Who’s being lined up to mentor? Danielle Lloyd, Nicole T and Suzi Walker.

Hmm.  Aren’t true WAGs born, not bred?  Or at the very least, self-taught?

A spokesperson for the show (being produced by North One for MTV in the UK) said: “The footballer is very famous and is a real catch. He is dying to meet a beautiful, sexy woman to be his perfect wife. He won’t be revealed until the day before filming starts.  He is looking for the next Victoria Beckham or Coleen McLoughlin. After just eight weeks he will propose to one lucky girl.“

Gazza? Is it you?

Any wannabes out there that are “beautiful, willing to learn, and have a lot of personality” (their words, not ours), can apply.  We won’t judge Kickettes.  Not much, anyway.

March 5th, 2007

Cristiano Ronaldo: Boogie Man

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Cristiano is always in top form, but lately, yeesh, he is looking good on the pitch.

And this time we’re actually talking about his footy skills.  Team-mate Wayne Rooney was recently quoted saying he thinks the C-dawg is the best player in the world at the moment.

Cristiano hasn’t publicly mentioned if he agrees with Wayne or not, but he has been very clear about one area where he outshines the competition:

dancing.

and dressing.

Okay, two areas.

image

In this month’s Vogue, when asked whether he goes out dancing on his nights off, he admits to going to clubs, but says, “I’m very different from the English lads.  I don’t need to drink alcohol before I can dance.  It’s natural to me, it’s what I do.“

Take a moment to imagine the dancefloor at a random “hot” nightclub in Anywhere, UK.  Cristiano and the Man U crew are kicking it in the VIP.  Champs is flowing, groupies are hovering; it’s on, ya’ll.  Suddenly, Beyonce comes blasting through the speakers.  Cristiano leaves a trail of drunken slow steppers in his wake as he takes over the dancefloor, white vest and slightly too tight jeans in effect, Lord of the Boogie-Dance.  All bow to his superior rhythm and grace as he performs a medley of moves that would cause Peter Crouch to retire his size 24 dancing shoes.

It could happen.

Later on in the interview, when talking about the launch of his upcoming clothing line, CR7, Cristiano says that hands down, the best dressed player at Manchester United is himself. 

It bears repeating: we love this man.  It’s impossible not to.

March 5th, 2007

WTF files: Victoria Beckham, Pig Pursuit

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And we don’t mean pig like we’re talking to our homies, ie: the feds, five-oh, boys in blue, etc.  Nope, we’re talking about the four legged bacon variety of pig.  And who are we kidding? We don’t have homies.  Unless you count the salespeople at Fendi.

Warning: before we carry on, this story comes via the National Enquirer and you know what that means, right?  It’s like, totally fact-checked and completely true, riiiight?

Whilst looking around a private school for her sons in the suburb of Sherman Oaks, CA, Victoria Beckham was taking a look around a science lab.  Two pot-bellied pigs took a shine to her new look and began a hot trotter pursuit. Victoria ran off in her high heels screaming.

Oh, how we truly hope, wish and pray this event actually happened.  Video footage has yet to be unearthed.

Note: one of the pigs names is Horatio.

You can thank us for that crucial bit of information later.

Link: Pigs Don’t Like Victoria Beckham

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March 2nd, 2007

Quote of the Day: Nicola T on Bobby Z

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“Days later he gave me a beautiful Rolex watch

March 1st, 2007

Victoria Beckham link-watch

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Don’t mess with Tom Ford, he formerly of Gucci and YSL.  Victoria was recently on a flight with Mr. F and when she mentioned to him she was going to change into some comfy jammies, he firmly told her that was not a good idea. 

For the image and all, you know.  She says, “”I was so intimidated I had to sit on this 11-hour flight in tight, uncomfortable clothes.“

Link: Victoria Beckham Gets Told Off By Tom Ford

Victoria has just signed a $10 million dollar deal for her own reality TV show, which we’ve heard will be a little like America’s Next Top Model.  Yes, we know that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s what we’ve heard.  Don’t question the hearings, okay?  The show will focus on Victoria’s transition to life in America and will not feature her children.  Or David.  Damn it.

Link: Posh Does Designer Duds and Reality TV
Link: Beckham’s To Do: Pack, Call Movers, Film Show

David has had it with Victoria’s frequent trips to the States, which he sees as unnecessary.  He wants her at home with him and the kids.  We say, surely Victoria has servants she can hire to pose with Katie Holmes and swan around the Oscar parties with? Especially when Sir Becks isn’t happy. 

And we don’t want Mr. B to be unhappy. Or worse: bored.  Or much worse: with the eye that roams around the various eye candy that exists when your wife is away.  But don’t take our word for it, the snark-tastic Lainey breaks it down here: The Blonde Posh