October 25th, 2012

Champions League Observations, Part II: Stressful Shebrahimovic Shenanigans


helena seger wife WAG paris transferRegrettably, Drew, we did notice the ‘do. What kind of uglyitis fashion abomination was that?

We also picked up on Francesco Acerbi’s ‘I’m sad in a butterfly sit’ sulking, Vito Mannone going down on Ibrahim Afellay – literally – and the fact that we carelessly misplaced our binders full of ‘ballers during halftime (thanks for the idea, Mittens), which were still ruing several caffeinated hours later.

How did woeful loss Wednesday treat our lovely readers? Were you disturbed by your late night snack choices (we stress ate our nails to basically nothing). And didn’t last night feel like you were watching a Three Stoges rerun or something? Trios of players, impossibly tangled up the way a yarn ball is, pissy as hell, as if they’re about to bring down the runner purely by slapstick comedy?

October 25th, 2012

Seasons Greetings: Bad Santi Has Come Early This Year


photoshop footballers memes soccer

Check out more photoshopped user-generated entries in The Guardian‘s weekly caption contest when you can, Kickettes. Especially on a rainy day when a good laugh is hard to come by around these parts.

October 25th, 2012

Coleen Rooney: Many Studs, One Cappliqué


Random Coleen Rooney hiding her baby bump pic breakdown: hair, casually coiffed. Celine Mini Luggage tote, approved. Studded motorcyle boots, very last season. Col’s diamond earrings, fabulously visible to the naked eye. The camo jacket, no comment. The Thursday Friday bag on her right shoulder, misunderstood.

Wait a second, what is that thing? An artist’s hand-sketched rendering of a Balenciaga bag? In appliqué form? Steam pressed on canvas? Can we invent a new word like cappliqué to represent our emotional state of unwell shoulder bag being?

October 24th, 2012

Kickette Vocabulary: Fabregasted


photo call footballer vocab

Image: David Ramos/Getty Images Europe.

Part of speech: verb

Definition: to be astounded

Synonyms: dumbfounded, speechless, blown away

‘Baller Byline Example:
Sergi Roberto: I’m just – I’m kind of fabregasted at your choice in hair stylists, Alex.
Alex Song: Thank you.
Sergi Roberto: Not a compliment.
Alex Song: Well you say that, but do you really mean it? Look at this profile.
Sergi Roberto: Ay dios mio.

Read more: Kickette vocab.

October 24th, 2012

Champions League Observations, Part I: Rampant Lust Wants What It Wants


Image: Soccer Memes’ Facebook page via Nikita Revenko.

This post is similar to the requisite fall family photo with a pumpkin: we don’t really want to do it, but we know we have to.

About last night: Eden Hazard wore black boxers; conditions were horrendous for six pack spotting; and a lot of teams that weren’t expected to lose did.

In other words, Tuesday’s Champs League was a series of obscurely irrelevant events we think we might have nixed in favour of jammies and a face mask.