February 4th, 2010

Player Ratings: When Science Makes Sense

Think of science and what springs to mind?

Hey, wake up, we’re not done yet. We think that the science-folk out there might just have discovered their inner cool.

*sounds boat horn* Please. Attention. Come back and sit down.

Let us explain: We’ve got a sneaky suspicion that the folks down at New Scientist have been following us on Twitter. Their latest foray into male forensics has Kickette written all over it: rating footballers’ levels of attractiveness. Our ears have pricked up – have yours?

After some meticulous research, which involved showing participants pictures of sportsmen and having them pass judgment on their looks (why were we not invited?), New Scientist proposed the theory that the best athletes tend to be the best-looking ones.

But before Arsenal get ready to employ Tyra Banks as their new Youth Coach, we better warn them it’s not quite as conclusive as the headliner suggests. In fact, throughout the article there’s as much “to-ing” and “fro-ing” as the ‘will Guti wear Gucci or DSquared today’ saga.

In the end, the researchers decided that the difference in athletic ability is only slight and doesn’t apply in all cases. Meaning the whole thing has left us slightly confused but inspired.

Do the most aesthetically pleasing ‘ballers make the best players or is it in fact vice-versa? Does players’ attractiveness depend on how shiny their hair is, whether they have eyes more beautiful than the turquoise of a Tiffany box or the odds they have of getting their mitts on the Champions League next May?

There’s that age old theory that men go for looks; women for status and power . Does the same apply to our sporting crushes? We knew a chica that thought Ronaldinho was a beaut… but this statement also coincided with him winning World Player of the Year. Imagine Iker Casillas turning out in an old jersey and holey socks for his Sunday five-a-side team’s game held in the local pub carpark. Are you still drooling? (We already know the answer to that question, but stay with us.)

And what about they study’s assertion that strikers and goalkeepers tend to be the eye candy of the team? Does this give our Nando fans their most compelling argument yet for why he should replace Torsten in our Finest Five?

Whilst the equation of ‘Striker + Sexy face = Real Madrid Superstar’ has more of a ring to it than good old E= Mc2, we’re not quite convinced. Should science and football mingle in such a way? And more importantly should this topic become a compulsory part of the National Curriculum?

Shall we throw down the gauntlet to scientists to confirm what we already know, that ‘ballers do indeed have superior genetics; or should they concentrate on developing that chocolate with negative calories we’ve been dreaming of for so long and leave the eye candy analysis to us?

The story continues.

Link: Better Looking Sportsmen More Likely To Win

Thanks S!

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43 Responses to “Player Ratings: When Science Makes Sense”

  1. c8h10n4o2 says:

    I've always thought that Cafu in his prime is the hottest baller ever, so there goes the part part about strikers and keepers. And I'm a scientist in real life, so I always take the "soft sciences" with a grain of salt. BOW BEFORE MY LASER, YOU WANNA-BES!

  2. Nish says:

    i think being a successful athlete is directly proportional to talent. However there is a constant that is needed to equate the two, and that is good luks. (ya, 3 hrs of science a week has its effect i guess!!!!)

  3. Hi Kickettes. Please stay on topic in this post – you can let your thoughts be known in the John Terry story we've just posted. x

  4. Bella-Milan says:

    WOW! Capello did it! No more Captain Terry. I didn't think he would remove JT.

    • Ella says:

      I'm surprised, but glad. There should be repercussions for things like screwing over your own teammates. Especially if you were their captain.

  5. Sara says:

    Hasn't it already been proven that the more successful a man is, the more attractive he looks to people?

    I gotta say it's true.

  6. alhm says:

    "Um, yeah…one look at Messi would blow that theory wide open"

    One look at the absolute majority of football greats, past and present, would blow that theory wide open.

  7. sounderslove says:

    Hm, I tend to go for midfielders.

    But yes, this is yet another excellent piece of evidence for Fernando’s F5 inclusion.

  8. imhereforthenando says:

    Being a good athlete is really about confidence, and attractive people tend to be more confident. It's the same with quarterbacks in American football, most of them are pretty hot, and probably for this reason. The fact that there are ugly footballers (Tevez, Ribery, Rooney, Andres "Zombie" Iniesta, Ronaldinho, I'm looking at you…) doesn't mean that attractiveness can play a role in people's lives, possibly making them a better footballer. Attractive people tend to be treated better, so in their youth they may be getting special treatment/coaching because of their good looks.

    But of course this isn't science. All of the science Kickettes, I'm with you.

  9. Pamela says:

    For me the defenders are the my fave-Carlos Bocanegra, Sergio Ramos, Carles Puyol(I<3)..

    • sounderslove says:

      I wish I liked defenders more, given that it’s the position I played for years, but Vermaelen is one of the few that makes the list.

      Oh god I just realised I started playing midfield regularly right around Euro 2008…I’m sincerely hoping this isn’t the reason.

  10. Lenses says:

    I agree with the strikers being perceived as the most attractive, since they’re in the spotlight the most often. Goalkeepers are usually attractive, but they don’t get much TV coverage during a match unless their team is in trouble, and attacked often by the other team…

    But there are plenty of defenders that are attractive i.e. Nesta, Mexes and so on.

  11. FootballerChick43 - "Mrs.Ballack" says:

    You have no idea how hard it is for me to turn off the nerd gene and not go into a rant about this, lol.


  12. kil says:

    no way! the only science that need to be in football is viedeo replay. and i disagree totally with the whole striker and golie being the cutestes its the opposite actually, defenders and mildfielders are alway hottt!

  13. livv4footy says:

    excusez moi, Kickettes… WHO HAS TURQUOISE EYES??? tellllmeee pleeease.

    btw, footballers who are sexy on the pitch are also sexy off of it :) !

  14. Innocenza says:

    Well, I can see the logic in the theory, but unfortunately the theory holds no water for Rooney/Tevez supporters. teehee

  15. anon says:


    "Franck. Ribery."

    Study is void.

  16. carly says:

    YES! This is important, major issue that should be analysed and tested. I volunteer for any testing that needs to be done…

    As for the question, skill and talent make players more attractive, adding to their brilliance and allure. Many footballers I find attractive I wouldn't give a second glance to in the street. That's the sad truth.

    • sounderslove says:

      I dunno, if say, Yoann or Cesc or Iker were to walk by I would do a lot more than give them a second glance. But you’ve definitely got a point when it comes to some of the others.

  17. MrsC says:

    HI CARLO! HI BB!!! When are you getting the metal plates out and return to utter fabulousness?!!?


  18. Pamela says:

    I love it when they spank each other's asses. cute.

  19. Tula says:

    Um, yeah…one look at Messi would blow that theory wide open…

    • Ali says:

      Aw! Messi’s cute in his own way. Now fall on the ground sexy or gorgeous or anything, but he’s not unfortunate!

      • senora ramos says:

        he’s cute like a puppy. you just want to cuddle him. but not sexy. like you want to do him right now!

  20. JMG says:

    How else do you explain Spain winning UEFA 08?

  21. Joan says:

    This isn't science.

    • Deen says:

      It's fact.

      • Joan says:

        My heart skips a beat whenever I see Xavi. I absolutely love him and because of his amazing skills I find him attractive. And I too was in love with Ronaldinho because of his amazing performances on the pitch (yes, I'm a Barcelona fan.) You're right; it's absolutely fact but it's not science. What is science is the chemistry Gerard Pique and I have going on. ;)