April 9th, 2008

Sizzle Query: Man Love – Hot or Not?

We’re in the mood for a PG-13 post today, Kickettes. 


image courtesy of PA Wire/KEYSTONE Press

For those not in the know, there is a growing group of footie fans who love to write fictional accounts of players getting their groove on with other like-minded ballers.

It’s called “Slash Fiction”, and it’s the way of the freaky-deaky who like their ballers in the nude and making romantic gestures.  If you’re into it, you’re really into it.  There are hundreds of sites dedicated to tales of EPL and European league man-love. It’s not always of a full blown (hee) variety though. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a nervous new player being invited over to a more experienced baller’s house for an evening of lingering glances over the roast dinner and an awkward embrace at the front door after one too many bottles of wine. 

Do you dabble?  For those who do, please fill us all in on why it’s such a sizzle factor for you. Or do you fall into the can’t comprehend/won’t comprehend category?

Side note: for the super curious who aren’t litigious, just google “footie slash”. Add in the name of your favourite player if you’d like to get specific. We’ve found a few very interesting tales titled “Becksillas”. 

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101 Responses to “Sizzle Query: Man Love – Hot or Not?”

  1. Haha. ask myself if this one is in the kamasutra. Maybe the ancient football players kamasutra.

  2. Johnna says:

    Fluff, the quality of writing over at fbslash hasn’t changed any, so I’d stay unfriended if I were you. I haven’t actually clicked on a fic to read over there (for purposes other than laughing hysterically at it) in about a year.

  3. Fluff says:

    I used to be a member of footieslash over on LJ and left because the pairings became a bit samey and some of the writing really went downhill – I left f1slash for the same reason. Oh, and there’s no drama quite like slash-writers drama :D

    After this conversation though I might well rejoin!

    Oh, and sometimes it all goes cross-fandom: Kimi Raikkonen and Michael Owen, anyone? (That one was really good!) Not that I want to scare people off even more than they might be already…

  4. emmetbeth says:

    Johnna, thanks so much for the links! Ive read the gary/david one allready.
    Its so odd! Ive never read anything like this before. Its well written and i like that its kept true to what their actual personalities seems to be like…but whenever there was a sex scene id just picture what it would be like if Gary himself ever read this and started laughing!
    It would be fairly hillarious.
    Im most intrigued though, and shall be exploaring this genre further! Thanks to Kickette and Johnna and everybody for bringing this subject to my attention ;o)

  5. freddiegirl says:

    I felt I had to eloborate because I didn’t want anyone to be offended by the fact that I don’t think I would enjoy most slash/fan-fiction and haven’t enjoyed the few I have read.  Like TFO there is the matter that stuff is being written about real people;  fan-fiction about LOTR or Star Trek or even Harry Potter doesn’t offend me in the least.  I do feel as if it’s a bit of a violation in a way when it involves real people although this is in no way a judgement on those who do enjoy it.  It’s just how I am wired.

    Another reason….I used to think, when I was in my early twenties..(I’m 32 now) that I would be turned on by two hot guys having sex.  I spent a good few years of my early twenties in San Francisco exploring my own sexuality and finding out what I liked and what I didn’t.  At the end of the day, two hot guys are eye-candy but just doesn’t….do it for me because the eqaution doesn’t involve me.  I need my guys to be sexually attracted to women to be able to have any sexual feelings towards them… even in fiction.

    Lastly…I had to know what a ‘Jose Chibi’ looked like…Cute!!!!  I forget who here did those cute little drawings but they were really adorable!

  6. freddiegirl says:

    To each their own but I agree with whoever said that all her fantasies involving their favorite ballers involve themselves.  Sorry, but when I picture my beloved Freddie getting busy it’s with me and not with Fern, C. Ronaldo or any other pretty boy.  But….I wouldn’t mind being in between a Freddie/Fab sandwich….:D:D When I say Fab, I mean the Italian skipper not the cute baby boy who plays for Arsenal…;)

    A friend who plays professional football and who shall remain nameless sent me a link to a scary one once…it involved Lamps and VanPersie…and VanPersie being taken by force….and I’ve never been able to read any of them again……:(:(:(

  7. Johnna says:

    DC, that’s why I went and added the warning. I realize everyone around here isn’t nearly as perverted as I am!

    And yes. I’m glad you enjoyed it! I loved it so much, but it hurts me to read it. Poor Gaz. :(

  8. DC says:

    >_< i was avoiding sending any of that. if I had remember it had it I wouldnt have send it.

    but if you like funny things then:

    and this: http://0sweet-tart0.livejournal.com/18423.html
    is a perfect example on why people read slash.

  9. DC says:

    i think you might have scared some of the slash n00bies with that Becks/Gaz fic. lol.

    although, it was lovely. i’ve never read that pairing before but i’m glad i decided to give that story a shot. it really was good.

  10. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    OK DC that Agger/Finnan story was hilarious, until they had sex! Why was that included, it was better without it shut eye

  11. DC says:

    lol Johnna.
    it was kind of hard for me to suggest things that were not NC17 too. =X

    but uhm, as long as the story is written really good why should it matter if it’s in my memories and it’s nc-17 =P

  12. DC says:

    ah. well, i don’t like those pairing at all. i have read some but they weren’t really good. so uhm, give this one a try: http://aionaeon.livejournal.com/28678.html

    and this one:
    http://community.livejournal.com/storyofameadow/1… it says nc-17 but it really isn’t.

    and there are others that are beautiful, amazing writing but the rating is higher and i don’t want to scare you away from fanfiction. =P

    i’m sure others can give you the pairing that you want. talk to Johnna about it.

  13. emmetbeth says:

    Right, wow, the pressure is on to pick some good names! Would you say that it is more enjoyable to read about players in the team you support? Coz in that case ill have to go for Beckham/Neville or Ronaldo/Rooney (actually support a team much lower down the leagues but i follow united in the prem).
    If thats not the case then just any well written one!
    Thanks :o )

  14. DC says:

    emmetbeth: i would send you one but you’d have to tell me what pairings you would like to read.

  15. emmetbeth says:

    Ive never read slash and to be honest before this post i didnt even know it exsisted! At first the idea of it sounds alittle, erm, offputting… but so many people here are obviously very pasionate about the whole thing.
    Soooo i thought maybe ill give it a try? Can anyway point me in the way of a good one so i dont stumble upon one of the crap ones and get put off before ive even started?

  16. cheryl bites says:

    Greetings, Saint Kat. You deserve many tributes for being the first person in football slash to recognise Petr’s hotness. *Gives tributes*

    Emma: I should have just checked your hyperlink, shouldn’t I? *Headdesk*

    This is turning into a slash authors convention. Not that that’s a bad thing…

  17. Liz says:

    I think Smudge might be too much of a ladies man for that to be true <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/bigsurprise.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="big surprise" style="border:0;" />

    AS for Slash fiction, Ive read a few of them. We all read them for different reasons, but I like to read fics about a particular player whether that be paired with a male or a female.It’s more about the portrayal of the ballers character rather than the actual actions taking place.I’m into anime so I guess it’s quite normal pairings in manga, after a while It kind of becomes the norm xxx <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smile.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  18. Johnna says:

    And er… everything that I favourite is usually NC-17. *coughs* I have no idea what this says about me. *shifty eyes*

  19. Johnna says:

    Er sorry. The post above is for emmetbeth, my bad.

  20. Johnna says:

    DC, I can link you to what I think is the best Becks/Gaz piece ever written. It’s just so wonderfully in character and everything I have ever possibly wanted from a Becks/Gaz fic and it works on so many levels.

    It is here: http://bottle-of-smoke.livejournal.com/38267.html

    I have chosen to ignore the Rooney/Ronaldo request (see above where I saw Wazza should never EVER be slashed) but I have some other links favourited if you decide you want a peak. Mostly Cristiano/Ruud with alot of John/Frank and some other pairings thrown in. My memories are here: <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=yanks02&keyword=football+slash&filter=all"&gt <a href="http://;http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=yanks02&keyword=football+slash&filter=all” target=”_blank”>;http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=yanks02&keyword=football+slash&filter=all

  21. elementaryhat says:

    I live for footieslash.
    Nuff said.

  22. louisquatorze says:

    When it’s good, it’s very good.

    Unfortunately, not enough is any good anymore. ‘Tis a shame.

  23. Emma says:

    Yep! I’m crouchea! :D

  24. BmwM5 says:

    I’ve read some.

    And you have to be in the mood for it. Because after a while if you read to many you get turned off.

  25. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Bloomin Hell, I miss one day on here and I’m so far behind. Damn guests taking up my time LOL

    Errm, I guess I should say thank you to Fourth and c9 for sharing their fantasies with me. But sorry ladies, when I’m picturing my men, theres only room for me! I don’t do sharing, but you can keep Ronaldo smile

    I kinda get the man love, but no actual sex parts. I loved Stevie and Xabi’s little man romance, the looks, the hugs, the kisses, they were all so sweet. And even tho Stevie has thrown Xabi to the curb (ouch!!) and taken a new road with Nando, I can still see the love. I think it’s really sweet, but once it steps over to sexualness count me out! That is not cute!

  26. Kat says:

    Once upon a time, I dabbled in football slash. In fact, I dabbled with a pairing that basically no one ever heard of at all (hint: both men at Chelsea, both nursing injuries at the very moment). And I admit, it was kind of fun.

    I’ve grown somewhat disillusioned with the football slash community as of late, mostly because there is an overabundance of terribly written fic (Rooney/Ronaldo, any fic about Fernando Torres, John/Frank among the many culprits) as oppose to brilliantly written fic (and that’s rare to come by, to be honest). Hell, some of my favorite football slash writers either have left the community or rarely post there at all.

    Not that all this will stop me from writing or reading slash fic altogether, though. I just don’t have the time or the creative juices to do it at all.

  27. cheryl bites says:

    Losethatgirl: there is football het on the web as well…

  28. cheryl bites says:

    Emma: you are either Crouchea or Traipsing_Gypsy, the authors of the only two pieces of Nando/Crouchy I know of. And if you like Lampard/Jos

  29. lose that girl says:

    I’m not a fan of slash. I’ve tried, but it’s just not my thing. Any fantasies I have feature my faves with me—I could see writing fan fiction with women involved with the guys, but not men.

    Glad there are such dedicated writers out there though!

  30. Bella says:

    OOPS, sorry, meant to say that I thought it “intrusive” at first, but it definitely seems to be inclusive as well from what I’ve read today!

  31. Bella says:

    I used to run into it when I was following Real Madrid more thoroughly. I was pretty surprised at first, and did think it inclusive, but then saw that everyone was clear that it was fiction. Even better than the shenanigans is the depth of detail people go into with their reading of the guys’ personalities, psychology and emotions. Most of the ones I’ve seen are more about love and intimacy than sex. Some of that part is really moving (whether I agree with the writer’s perspective or not) and some is beautifully written.

    The writers also seem to be expressing their own love for the players (ok and often jealousy of the pairings), which can be sweet and/or heartbreaking, in their stories.

    As for the sex, not my thing but who knows even a straight baller or two might be googling himself and getting a few thrills off a complementary story. They’re clearly not a lot known to be shy of adoration <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" /> .

  32. FootballerChick43 says:

    I honestly have no opinion on slashes.
    Sometimes they’re hilarious.
    Sometimes they’re just WRONG.

    Personally, I can understand getting excited over wins and goals. I understand that. But I’ve seen some people go as far as to have a full blown make out session on the pitch during a match with another male teammate.

    In my opinion, if you’re gay, thats your business. I’m completely straight, but still. Its your life.

    But my goodness, wait until your off the pitch. PDAs are disgusting no matter what the sexual orientation of the couple.

    But on slashes, I have no opinion.

  33. bj says:

    cheryl bites…

    i don’t know, i am really protective of timmy…

    and i can’t imagine it. a friend did write some timmy slash…and i only approved because it was with lucas. and it’s canon so its not just assumed “oh he touched his arse they must be gay for each other” but he actually said he would turn gay for lucas..

    its hard.  er aptly named bj? haha if footie slash is on lj i am broken_jigsaw roaming around on lj but never have been to footieslash

  34. Dumbass says:

    testing testing

    (Just wanna see if italics work)

  35. Cherry says:

    I don’t like slash. Never have liked it. I do not get off on thinking about two men together. Each to his own though. Have to say we are having a bit of gay for Torres over in Liverpool, which I completely understand being that he is a goal scoring machine and stunningly beautiful as well.

  36. SB says:

    RE: Posted by Emma on 04/10 at 05:29 AM
    Who are those two people? :D

    If u meant in the pic, it’s newcastle’s martins, viduka, beye and OWEN(i luv him btw smile) on the top of him upside down   wink celebrating his goal vs reading

  37. Kat says:

    Johnna: And I know ho you are on LJ, too.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  38. Amelie says:

    I love love love the pictures, which is why i started visiting such sites – as people have said before (especially Elise) it’s to do with the emotion and the energy and adrenaline a high tempo important match brings, and the celebrating and hugging and kissing….brilliant. I love my boys and i LOVE to see them happy and getting on and bonding.

    when it comes to the writing…no. generally i dislike the way people write the characters,  (though i read one once that was just….HOT. and perfect)

    as for particular couples Alonso and Gerrard are obvious and i think one of the most written about, if not THE most written about. I think kissing in Istanbul spawned that, but even before then, both so talented and close and beautiful…..*sigh*
    For example -l ook what someone wonderful once posted (i dunno this person so i hope it’s okay to put this link – JUST PICTURES. BEEEEAUTIFUL PICTURES)

    i hear alot about Ramos and Torres though i’ve never seen the pictures. but i would love to. I vaguely remember the becks/casillas pictures, they were brilliant. anyone got a link?

    see it’s all about the pictures for me. Gorgeous boys goofing around and bonding and being cute. brilliant.

    goodbyecaptain -  you really can’t ignore torres and Gerrard anymore – i haven’t seen Stevie look so happy since…well, Xabi. ha.

  39. Kitty says:

    I like reading slash but footie slash? Sorry, that’s just as wrong as the fanfics of all sorts with the UK Royale family*cringes*

    *is trying not to have a peek at some footie slash*

  40. Emma says:

    Oh, and I have a massive craving to write some a) Michael Ballack/Paulo Ferreira, b) Lampard/Mourinho, and c) Cech/Cudicini (did anyone catch the way Petr hurried out of his seat to check on his teammate on Tuesday night? It was SO sweet), but I’ve got too much damn revision to do.

    When Euro 2008 comes though, I may dabble in some Sernando. (Although I’m a bit nervous about this ‘cos everyone on footballslash writes Sernando, so mine may seem really crappy.)

  41. Emma says:

    Who are those two people? :D

  42. cheryl bites says:

    I also wrote some Crouch/Torres slash but no-one liked it.

    Emma: as far as I can see, that narrows you down to one of two people.

  43. Emma says:

    I LOVE football slash. I write some myself (on the link posted, though it’s f-only). I wrote a whole seven part saga about Robbie Keane and Gareth Bale and majorly ripped off Ian McEwan’s Atonement, because I am that sad.

    I love it during Chelsea matches when a player scores and all the team crowd together and cuddle. It’s so adorable. Recently, I’ve been collecting pictures of Ballack+Lampsy+Kalou as a threesome, because they are the kings of our midfield.

    I also wrote some Crouch/Torres slash but no-one liked it.

    So yeah. I love football slash! Brokeback Mountain’s my 6th favourite film of all time for a reason.

  44. cheryl bites says:

    I’ve seen slash around and read some but…just can’t get into myself. Fair play to those who write it – they’re like fecking novels sometimes!!

    Oh god, yeah O_o I mean, I’ve got some Sheva/Kaka saved in Word, and I don’t like Sheva or Kaka and didn’t know who they were. I just thought, “This is exquisite, some of the best writing I’ve ever seen. I must save it.“

    Since footballers are not necessarily the most literate people in the world, I was quite disconcerted to discover football slash’s reputation for excellence. Fans of football seem to be much better writers than fans of, y’know, books.

    And the aptly named “bj” – ooh! I am intrigued. Would you mind if I posted this at footballslash so everyone can share the Everton man-love?

  45. nicky xxx says:

    I keep thinking that seriously ashley cole is gay he cudnt comit b4 cheryl so whats the odds ??x??

    Im also believing atm that Jermaine Jenas is gay. He wore a glittery jacket on question of sport did anyone else see that??x?? OMG…

  46. Johnna says:

    Kat, I knew who you were the minute I saw your post and scrolled over your linnk to see I was right. It’s funny to see so many of the same people over here as on LJ.

  47. DC says:

    yes, I admit it, I read slash. every.single.day. i started with fictional character around 4 years ago and about 2 years ago with football slash.

    some of the stories are so beautifly written they should be published. but lately there have been lots of badfics.

    100% diagree with Torrard [Stevie/Fernando] i’m a SeX [Stevie/Xabi] supporter. and yes, the pairing names are quite funny.
    Becksillas is also one of my fav parings and so is Frank/JT.

    I actually recognize some of the people here and their LJ. I’ve READ some of your stories.

  48. bj says:

    Don’t care for it, each to their own.

    however, i have threatened friends with horsement that weild sporks if they ever consider slashing Tim Cahill with anyone…(bar lucas neill)

    i say lucas because tim in this interview said he would turn gay for lucas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GSO50awmkE (feel free to ignore the gross that is archie thompson)

  49. Aoife says:

    I’ve seen slash around and read some but…just can’t get into myself. Fair play to those who write it – they’re like fecking novels sometimes!!

    One thing though: Becksillas. Does it conjure up a Godzilla-sized Becks for anyone else or is it just me?

    Heehee, security word: maybe69. I’d say it’s more than maybe in this thread!

  50. goodbyecaptain says:

    I’m a writer and reader of slash, although not so much lately as the quality has gotten really, really shit (fernando torres/steven gerrard – ew). there’s a few obvious parings that most of football slash fandom love to cover to the death.

    - steven gerrard/xabi alonso: after they snogged at istanbul, it pretty much spawned a generation of slashers. there’s about 450 members on their livejournal community?

    - john terry/frank lampard: more readers than writers, i’ve discovered. again, totally obvious because frank fangirl worships jt so much, it’s painful. not that i’d ever admit to liking this even a little bit, as i am a liverpool supporter and that’s just a nono.

    - kak

  51. pussycat says:

    A bit late to the conversation as I was on a plane to philly.
    I love slash. Started with LOTR (the very secret diaries, while not technically slash still make me lmao), then went to stargate (yes, I’m a geek) which is actually set up much better for slash than lotr. I’ve never actually read any baller slash but that’s probably because of general laziness and annoyance at bad writing. If anyone has sites they like, do tell.
    I think that, and I am assuming, none of us know these men personally, its like writing about a fictional character. While being a true person, the attitudes and personalities they are embued with are from the author. Nothing wrong with fantasy.
    And I ADORE I’m on setanta sports. I make sure to record the new one every sunday! I think its one guy doing all the voiced too.

  52. Rusty says:

    Is there another link to that episode of “I’m on Setanta Sports?“ I looked at the guy’s other videos and I completely disagree with his politics, I don’t want to give him any more hits on his youtube.

    Though the split end thing *did* make me bust a gut laughing.

  53. Rusty says:

    Sarah, rumors about the Smudger have been going around since the beginning of time, as far as I can tell. And if any of us knew, would we be able to post about it? He might somehow find out and treat it as libel! *coughLondon-basedMobileUsers* Personally, I have my questions about him, starting with his having more bleach in his hair than I do in mine (and I have far more hair) but I don’t care who he sleeps with, because I have no plans to try to be one of those people.

    And slash is where I first heard about him, so I like it wink My OTP, if I had one, would be Smudge/Becks.

    Could someone tell me why I’m watching Saprissa-Houston Dynamo right now?!

  54. Vlada says:

    Not big on slash but I like the homoerotic pics.  Like already mentioned Becks and Gaz were pretty sweet and epic, I mean he drove all night after a match to make it to Gaz’s bachelor party.  He also got pretty chummy with RC and Ronaldo at Madrid.

  55. chazsoccer says:

    How about fiction based on real players, no slash, with names changed? 

    Ran across this about the American MLS team in Chicago:  Red Tales

    There is an excerpt here:

  56. c9 says:

    No TFO, stay please, don’t go LOL  LOL

  57. Elise says:

    “I’m On Setanta” is f**king genius!  I keep thinking they’ll run out of ‘funny’ but not so.

    …the split end was not as serious as was first feared…

    …I am fabulous…this was the most fabulous thing…it will never be surpassed in the history of WHAT. IS. IT. SVEN?!


  58. The Fourth Official says:

    Okay, I gotta go.  You girls in the UK should be in bed (and sleeping!)

    See you all tomorrow.

  59. carly says:

    Exactly! hahahaha

  60. The Fourth Official says:

    And Dave is in Stoke now.  ROFL!

  61. carly says:

    I love it when SirAlex calls and we hear him chewing on the gum “the boy” <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smile.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

    I can’t get enough of this show, I’m sorry I’m always linking it.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/tongue_laugh.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="tongue laugh" style="border:0;" />

  62. Sarah says:

    Hahahaha Carly that is fantastic.

    “Thermostat! Brown Sugar! Rudimentary!“

  63. c9 says:

    HoneyBee- The Dark Angels are here to save the day. Stare at these for a whole day and call me in the morning. No just kidding, but do let me know if you need more!:




  64. The Fourth Official says:

    Omigawd, Carly, I just sprained something serious laughing at that.  “The boy is still developing . . . “  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  65. linz says:

    I completely agree with you Elise!

    I would like to admit that yes, I do read the slash, only I know it as “fanfiction” and I read some stuff that’s written about Frank and John…the writer does an amazing job, and I didn’t want to read it at first but I clicked on it and read it and I randomly became hooked on it.  The person made the stuff like real characters, I don’t know—its kinda hard to explain.  It’s like they’ve taken these real people but like created a fake world for them…idk, everyone on here now probably thinks I’m psycho, but it’s def. interesting to read when you’re constantly seeing all the footie love that happens between players, even if it is concerned with goal-scoring bliss.  Okay, i’ve said my part…

    **Oh and another pairing I’ve seen before but haven’t read was Stevie and Xabi.

  66. carly says:

    I'm not a homophobe.  And if a player came out, I would say, "Good for you, John O'Shea!"

    TFO – LMAO!! You made me laugh outloud and it’s one o’clock in the morning here!

  67. carly says:

    No, can’t comprehend, sorry.
    But I will read all your comments nonetheless LOL

    Off-topic (completely):
    Have you seen The Rooney sing Ave Maria?

    Can’t stop laughing…

  68. brandy says:

    Um, definitely, absolutely NO. How is man on man love hot?! It’s not sexy to me – a woman. I know I would be LIVID if I was in a room with Cristiano and Iker and what ensued was a Slasher!!!

  69. cheryl bites says:

    Black and white striped condoms, TFO. *Shakes head mournfully*

  70. The Fourth Official says:

    Sarah, that just horrible and disgusting.  Repellant even.  Goes against nature.  I can’t believe it.  He’s having sex with a . . . with a . . .  with a GEORDIE???? 

    Just kidding.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  71. Sarah says:

    Speaking of gay footballers, I heard a rumor from a Geordie friend of mine that Smudger was gay and had a boyfriend in Newcastle.  Does anyone know if there is any truth at all to that rumor?  I was just curious.

  72. The Fourth Official says:

    Honey Bee, TFO has what you need, sweetheart.


    It’s fine – give in to the dark side, it’s so much easier than fighting it . . .

  73. HoneyBee says:

    Only fantasy I like are hot ballers and ME,not them without me!
    HELP DARK ANGELS-Since reading about Ron and that plastic boobed,ugly faced,Spock like eared tramp I’m seeing more light and less darkness although I know she won’t last(today during ManU-Roma they showed him couple of times and I felt hardly anything).I was more interested in Italian hottiesw(well I’m always interesed in them).
    I’m starting to dislike him.I’ve ignored the gel hair,prostitutes,plastic ugly whores,man bag,but how much can a woman take of this crap?I would still like to lick him but not as much as before and I might even pick someone else before him!
    *hears MRS.XABI ALONSO laughing in the background* <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/gulp.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="gulp" style="border:0;" />

  74. Elise says:

    I am a straight female. I read male slash fiction, and write John/Frank.  I really, really wish I could articulate exactly why I love it, but I can’t.  (I’ve started and erased this post multiple times.) I think it just comes down to this- different things do it for different people. I agree with the comments about homosexuality in football- I’m sure there are gay ballers out there, but I certainly don’t think John or Frank are among them.  And that’s not what I’m thinking when I’m writing the slash.  It’s not that I *want* them to be gay (you can tell this pretty easily from my posts about my mad love for both of them), and just because I’m writing them together, doesn’t mean I’m fantasising about them actually *being* gay- I know if you don’t get slash, this one is hard to understand, but if you’ve ever loved buddy movies-any movie in which two guys are best friends, work together, etc. in any endeavor, it’s like that but adding sex…because sex is good, and beautiful men are hot, and thinking about those two things makes *me* hot.  But that’s not *it*, though.  Sigh…I’m failing miserably here.  I don’t know.  It’s like when one of them scores, the moment is so completely awesome, for them, for the team, and I am so filled with emotion and I know that they are- witness the goal celebrations- it’s like being so full of emotion and passion that it must have an outlet.  I think that’s why we see straight ballers kissing (or looking like they want to kiss) fellow players.  There’s nothing else to do with that emotion. 
    …I give up.  I’ve not said what I really mean and can’t seem to figure out how to do it.  Maybe if you don’t understand it and really want to, them maybe some of this made some kind of sense to you.  But this idea of being turned on by let’s say ‘homosexual behavior’, as opposed to what we would normally call ‘homosexuality’, isn’t exclusive to slash fiction.  It’s in mainstream fiction, television, and movies.  I see it as just a blurring of the lines of sexuality, which could ultimately be a very good thing if it leads to less hatred and discrimination against anyone whose sexuality is other than heterosexual.

    I feel like I’ve written way too much and, yet, not enough.  I could just delete it all again, but what the hell…

  75. cheryl bites says:

    I’ll link to Jos

  76. cheryl bites says:

    Goalkeeperette: I won’t even link to those Japanese manga cartoons.

  77. goalkeeperette says:

    cheryl: Wayne/Olli? Are we serious here? *dives into bleach*

  78. goalkeeperette says:

    Ah no worries TFO, there’s a lot of Wayne slash out there, preferably with Cristiano. *touts TFO*  tongue wink But I agree that their fics tend to turn out a bit cheesy. But they’re not my fav pairing, so whatevs.

    keyword come97….ai ai ai!!! =)

  79. Johnna says:

    Ahhahahaha. I’m sorry TFO, I love Wayne to death but he’s just. not. slashable. I put him and Paul Scholes in the same boat. Love them to death (and actually, I do have a secret love affair with Scholesy) but they just aren’t slashable. Besides which… alot of authors like to make Wayne cry and sing Cristiano love songs and NO NO NO NO NO. (That goes for all my slash actually. I don’t read alot of the writing that is posted because I like my men to be men. Just because we slash them does not mean they are pretty ballerinas.)

  80. cheryl bites says:

    TFO: I once saw Wayne Rooney/Olli Kahn.

    Sorry, everyone, here’s the brain bleach…

  81. The Fourth Official says:

    And by the way, Johnna, why not slash Wayne Rooney!?  <she says defensively>  He’s not that unfortunate looking.  That ticks me off a bit, frankly.  Wayne is a fine footballer and a excellent example of Liverpudlian manhood and he deserves his moment of slashdom.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  82. Johnna says:

    Cheryl, I totally agree. I’ve written and read some…. Harry Potter fic that everyone would be shocked to hear about. The football slash fandom is alot more normal, if you can use normal in a situation like this.

    I started out in LOTR real person slash so I’ve never had a problem with it being a violation. It’s something I imagine in my mind and I am in no way saying that it actually happens. I liken it to people who do have these fantasies involving players.

  83. cheryl bites says:

    C9: fantasising about TFO? That’s even kinkier. <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/lol.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="LOL" style="border:0;" /> (Just joking!)

    TFO: you know about RPF being a violation – I know what you mean, but before I wrote football slash I wrote for Harry Potter. (And yes, for you innocents out there, Harry Potter porn does exist and don’t go and Google it or you might stumble across something that’ll burn your eyes out.) So, the HP fandom attracts some very weird people, and the fiction has a lot of violence and random perversions and so forth, so what struck me about football slash was that it was so nice. I mean, people generally write about players they respect and look up to, or whose team they support. So the slash, compared with HP (or that Kirk/Spock I believe you mentioned…) is remarkably reverent, because the writers really love and respect the people they write about. I realise that probably sounds a bit bonkers…

  84. c9 says:

    Sorry, can’t jump on the bandwagon for this one. But you ladies have fun!

    TFO- that cracked me up. Yes, you are sometimes involved in my italian baller fantasies and MrsXabi, your with me when we’re crushing hard on our Spanish men. My goodness I’m already drifting away into my wonderland of footballing GODs!  LOL

  85. michelle TN says:

    OMG, that is twisted.  I didn’t know that football obsession could lead to this but yeeesh, it’s time to place some limits!  I agree with TFO, it just feels SO WRONG.

    However, Becksillas did give me a chuckle (just the name, I didn’t venture into reading it).

  86. Johnna says:

    Cheryl, that post is absolutely amazing. The one that gets me currently is “Fagger.“ I mean…. that’s just asking for trouble!

  87. cheryl bites says:

    …On the subject of silly ship names, that is. (You’re posting too fast for me to keep up XD)

    As for homophobic persecution: yeah, well. Justin Fashanu, anyone? (His Wikipedia page has links to some interesting articles on gayness in football: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Fashanu)

  88. cheryl bites says:

    Johnna: oh god, I made a post on The Fourth Official (the Livejournal community, not the person!) on precisely this subject. XD (Honestly, “Togger”. What a ridiculous name for a ship. I read it is “Todger”. Like, every single time.)


  89. Johnna says:

    “Some of them probably ARE closet gays, in fairness.“

    That thought makes me really sad, though I agree with it. I just hope I’m still alive when an athlete is able to come out and avoid being persecuted by everyone for a sexual preference.

  90. Johnna says:

    LOL it’s canon to the few of us that ship them. I’m just saying they were never close friends and the like like Gary and David or John and Frank. The Cris and Ruud dynamic is strong but only if you specifically look for it, which a few of us do.

    *sigh* I’m all in a happy mood today. We reached the semis, I got to see my Gaz play again, and I get to talk about slash and my wonderful pairings.

  91. cheryl bites says:

    Oh, TFO, you don’t have to SAY “I’m not homophobic” or anything, we take that for granted. You only have to say, like, “I don’t like slash, and I don’t approve of RPF.“ (Real Person Fiction, for those of you who don’t know.)

    Some of them probably ARE closet gays, in fairness.

  92. LoveLamps says:

    Just had a long painful meeting and stepped back to my desk to read more Kickette.  Not a slash fan, but at least it’s good for a laugh as I was rolling in the floor after reading the posts above from TFO, Cheryl Bites and Johnna.  You are all hilarious!  Must google tonight when I get home so as to avoid sacking by boss for looking up at work!

  93. Johnna says:

    Ugh I really hate pairing names and Becksillas is a good example of why. No matter what fandom I’m in, there are always people who use stupid names to signify their pairing. Bah.

  94. cheryl bites says:

    Johnna: I thought Cris/Ruud WAS canon? Megan’s got a billion pictures of them hugging, at any rate. Or is that not enough to make a footie ship canon? I prefer to use my imagination, anyway cool grin

    I agree that Shrek!slash has no place in sane people’s reading material.

    And yes! XD The Slashers Anonymous meeting is now in session. Introduce yourself and your ship, ladies!

  95. goalkeeperette says:

    I plead guilty!  LOL  No big fan of Becksillas though, there are much better pairings.  tongue wink

    Why?? Hmmm…. I have always liked me some m/m love and the football world is so full of beautiful men not afraid of hugging and kissing and touching each other, it’s just so….convenient. *blushes madly* I do never watch football matches and imagine the players doing each other though. The sport is still the most important thing.

  96. The Fourth Official says:

    Oh, lord, Kickette, now you’ve released the queer genie from the bottle. 

    Holy f**king hell, no.  And no.  And NO. 

    I’m not a homophobe.  And if a player came out, I would say, “Good for you, John O’Shea!“

    But imposing gay fantasies on straight players feels like a violation to me. (Okay, I guess I just let myself in for a barrage of protests now . . .)

    The only fantasies I entertain involve ME, in good old fashioned hot heterosexual one-on-one mano-a-femmo action.  Well, sometimes, c9 or Mrs. Xabi are there too – but we take turns, and not with each other.  wink

  97. Johnna says:

    Ahhahaha I refrained from mentioning Ruud/Cris since it’s not really… like canon you know? I slash them because of alot of reasons that are more personal and not like the way John and Frank declare their love for each other. They are my OTP along with Gaz/Becks but it’s for more personal reasons.

    LOL we sound like we are in AA. “Hi, my name is Johnna and I like to slash gorgeous footballers, though specific names will take too long so we’ll just say footballers in general. Except for Wayne Rooney who should never EVER be slashed you crazy fangirls. K thanks.“ S’that better? <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smile.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  98. cheryl bites says:

    Johnna: are we actually going to talk about our pairings? We’ll scare people off before they’ve even got started.

    I shall keep it relatively sane and say “My name is Cheryl and I like to slash Jos

  99. Johnna says:

    Ahhahaha what a wonderful topic Kickette. I definitely dabble in slash, I’ve been a slasher since the LOTR days and it sort of goes to every fandom I involve myself in. It’s just really beautiful to think about.

    And of course you have the obvious pairings in football. You’ve got David Beckham and Gary Neville who are such complete opposites that they fit so beautifully together. Gaz was his best man and I’m sure Becks would have returned the favour if he hadn’t had a game. But the way they talk about each other. The way other people talk about the two of them. It’s just absolutely beautiful. I uploaded 2 videos to youtube which pretty much sums it up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72aHqkhPu0U and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O2m8-pMomo&feature=related . You just don’t talk about someone like the way they talk about each other if you don’t absolutely love each other.

    Another obvious pairing is John Terry/Frank Lampard. There’s the very obvious ‘snog on the bus while celebrating the championship’ video, but they are just everywhere together. Anytime one is interviewed, they bring the other’s name into it, they both speak of each other so fondly, and absolutely cling to each other most of the time. I’ll never forget the look on Frank’s face in last year’s Carling Cup final when John was carried off. About 5 minutes after play resumes, they zoom in on Frank and his face is absolutely devastated. And then when JT comes back in the dressing room, they cling to each other and the way John says his name “Lampsy, oh Lampsy.“ It’s absolutely beautiful.

    I just love the dynamic of the whole slash thing. The fact that these men spend so much time together and go through so much and really truly love each other (even if not in a slashy way); it’s easy to take it that next step if you are into it.

    (Wow my code word is together53 heh)

  100. cheryl bites says:

    here are hundreds of sites dedicated to tales of EPL and European league man-love

    HUNDREDS?! Where are they?! I only usually hang out at footie_100 and footballslash (and footballslash is basically liverpoolslash these days…)

  101. Sarah Kate says:

    Just search some of your favorite footballers in Google or something and LOOK. That's where the slashers come from. ;-)