February 21st, 2012

Portlandia: To Noob Or Not To Noob?

Image: mlssoccer.com, George Frey/Getty Images.

Where do you stand on soccer ’noobs’, Kickettes?

The reason we ask is that the guys behind IFC’s ‘Portlandia’ comedy show have applied their satirical eye to the subject of over-enthusiastic but hopelessly inexperienced fans, with stars Fred Armison (Saturday Night Live) and Carrie Brownstein (Wild Flag, Sleater Kinney) heading on down to Jeld-Wen Field for the first time, to show some love to the Timbers.

The show, which airs on IFC on Fridays at 10/9c (US only, sadly), is known for it’s gentle prodding of Portland natives’ eccentricities, but the experience of getting up close with the Timbers fanbase was hugely positive, according to Brownstein. “I haven’t been to a game [in Portland] yet, but when we shot the episode it made me want to go,“ she said. ”Portlanders are eager for communal experiences and the Timbers are perfect for that. Also the singing is really great.”

While we agree that there’s nothing more annoying than being repeatedly poked in the eye by a placard that proclaims undying love for ‘Christian Ronaldo’, we’re also an inclusive bunch and as far as we’re concerned, the more people who appreciate our beautiful game, the better. Even if they insist that dribbling is something you do when you see Fernando Torres in a swimsuit.

But we feel it’s only fair to allow you to exercise your snark on a Tuesday. What’s the most amusing/irritating ‘noob’ behaviour you’ve ever witnessed in or around football? Did you take the offender aside and point out their error? Or pull up a chaise longue and watch someone else do it for ya?

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24 Responses to “Portlandia: To Noob Or Not To Noob?”

  1. [...] Oregon was described as ‘the US town who is fanatical about football’ by the BBC. Go Portlandia! [...]

  2. [...] finally, I forgot to mention the upcoming Portlandia skit about the Timbers Army. The skit even made it to Kickette, a website I think is pretty [...]

  3. littlegreenpea says:

    I appreciate how they have special seating for the diehard fans (like the river end at PPL Park), but for the rest of us, we have to deal with some real world-class idiots.

  4. LuvinBale says:

    I think its funny when I go to a Union game and the people around me can't understand why yellow cards are given for tackling or don't understand the off-side rule. My boyfriend was nice enough to turn around and explain to the loud obnoxious women why the goal was disallowed. She was literally screaming in the back of my head. He calmly explained it and her reply was – "well thats a stupid rule!"
    That is annoying to me, I feel like yelling at them "then why the hell are you here?!!!"

    I can appreciate Americans who love and support the game and yes- I would one it if soccer were more popular in the states but unfortunately americans grow up with baseball and football. So this game is still foreign to us.
    So its hard when summer comes around for my boyfriend and i – he's a cyclist and loves the Tour de France and I am a fierce Tottenham fan. Guess thats why we are moving to Sweden in May – to be with like minded people. ;-)

    • littlegreenpea says:

      yeah I hate that most Americans view soccer differently because they don't understand it and/or didn't grow up with it.

  5. Laura says:

    I have yet to find that one team that I can support whole heartedly. I don't know why it's probably because I don't make the effort to pay attention to the fox soccer or espn schedule, and partly because of the over all lack of games aired. There definitely wasn't one team I was raised following that I live and die by (considering there was no league in the US for most of my childhood/teenage years that's probably why). US WNT is probably an exception, but it's difficult to follow them unless you read twitter updates or search online. Of course I follow the MNT but ultimately they end up disappointing so then I turn my support to Germany because I like their skill and playing style, there's a lot of talent on their team (and confession Friedrich is my long time footballer crush, but I guess he's done now?)

    Same with club teams, I like to follow Barca because they're amazing, I've been to a game at Camp Nou and it was an incredible experience, but I never have time to sit down and watch games anymore, I just look up stats and highlights. I try to keep up on DC United since they're the closest team to me geographically, but they've been really disappointing for the last few years, and it was hard to get involved in their supporters club when all the events were over an hours drive for me to attend . Doesn't make me less of a fan of the sport just makes my allegiances scattered…I like the follow players more than teams I guess. I like seeing our US boys do well over seas…I've grown to be a fan of Donovan, I love seeing Messi/Xavi/Iniestia/Pique/Puyol play, and I'm looking forward to Germany in the euro cup. But some how I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "that's my team" thing if that makes sense… well the USWMT that's MY team and I wish they got more coverage outside of the womens world cup.

  6. Sarah, Madrid says:

    People who watch only clasicos declare their love to one of either teams be annoying as hell ( I don't mean neutrals or football fans) I mean these people who literally only watch clasicos and argue about it as they have been following both teams for the whole season..I have experienced that, it is just like " will you shut up already you know nothing about these teams, stop talking"

  7. Kerry says:

    I don't mind them, as long as they are trying to make an effort. If they are being obnoxious, or shouting very strange/stupid stuff, someone will tell them off and put them in their place.

    That being said, I actually am a member of the Timbers Army (those are actual Timbers Army in the Portlandia episode FYI) and the only requirement of the TA to be considered a member is to be a fan of the team. Yet, people here are smart enough to know that you don't stand in the North End (the Timbers Army section) if you aren't prepared. You better know your chants and be wearing practical footwear for the Tetris Dance (youtube it). Other than that, its mostly just being with 20,000 of the your closest friends, cheering for your team and hoping you get the three points! We are very welcoming, you just better be prepared.

    PS I also am a die hard Man Utd fan. Regular people (or fair weather fans) don't understand getting up as early as 3:45am on a Saturday for a "lunchtime" kickoff. Gotta love timezone differences. Eh, you just take a nap afterwards and then get some brunch.

  8. thelovehater says:

    I don't mind the people holding signs or shouting their love. I understand it and have been known to make little videos of the guys warming up…however – I will not stand for someone shouting at a player and obstructing my view to be blatantly annoying to the people sitting behind or around them and have been known to kindly ask them to respect the ticket holders around them. (it never works but I at least try).

    • Kerry says:

      Oh that reminds me of last summer, I went to see Man Utd play in Seattle since it'll probably be a while before I can afford a trip to OT. My dad and I were up in the nosebleeds of the stadium. The group of people in the two rows right in front of us, were playing musical chairs the entire match!! In the middle of the halves they were moving around, not at halftime! When I asked one of the people to sit down, he was like "we're at a soccer game, you're supposed to stand," in a very obnoxious tone. Its a freaking exhibition! I wanted to punch him because they were so oblivious to the other people around them. My dad and I drove 3 hours to see them play and these people are shuffling around obstructing our view. The only fans in the stadium standing were the diehard Seattle Sounders fans and they were down at field level on either end of the pitch.

      • thelovehater says:

        Ah! Yes, I know those sorts of people too. You can tell immediately who the usual suspects are that go to games on a consistent basis but the casual supporters can be annoying. We make them best of it though – still up in the air about season tickets but will probably go all in for LA this season.

        (I saw your comment below and have to agree that waking up at 4am to watch a Rangers FC game is commitment and love).

  9. TFBlovesArsenal says:

    I get annoyed when I meet someone who's a "diehard" fan of Manchester United, and Barcelona, and Bayern Munich, and AC Milan, Spain, Italy, and Brazil.

    • jussayin says:

      if the person can only name Messi or Rooney I can see why you would be annoyed but otherwise i respect everyone's right to love whatever team they want. Just because a team is "trendy" due to a win streak doesn't mean it can't have real fans as well

      • TFBlovesArsenal says:

        I'm not talking about people who happen to support one of those teams, I mean people who support ALL of them. At the same time. Please note that I said "and" when separating these team names, rather than "or".

        I understand that there's going to be bandwagon fans for teams, especially right after a team wins a big tournament, and that happens in every single sports league in the world. I personally don't like it, but it doesn't bother me that much. However, what I see so often here in the United States are "fans" who want to appear as though they are cultural, so they say they like soccer and then list off a random bunch of teams that they've heard of, without really knowing anything about the game or the teams. That just pisses me off, because they don't really care about the sport at all. They just want to look cool because not that many people really pay attention to it in this country.

        In other words, I'm referring to someone who would say that they support both Real Madrid and Barcelona at the same time, and not understand why that would be completely ridiculous.

    • elle says:

      Arsenal has them too. In fact, most people in the US I meet say they are Arsenal fans…and then turn out to know absolutely nothing about the team. Every big team has real fans and glory fans.

      • littlegreenpea says:

        we have a ton of Liverpool and Manchester United fans going at it here… It's kind of annoying because for some reason there seems to be a large population of fake soccer fans here in Philly.

        • Coco says:

          I went to the Real Madrid v Union game and the guy behind us kept saying "Where's Pique?" So I turned around and said he plays for Barcelona. Then he says about RM "Well who are we looking at right now? Which one is the superstar?" I said the entire team is a superstar! Maybe the guy just watches the MLS but you can't honestly watch "soccer" and still not know who is on Madrid.

          • LuvinBale says:

            Ha!!! I was at that game also. I sat near the a nice British couple and we watched the game and the mayhem in the stands unfold around us. A guy ejected 5 rows in front of us for being a little to drunk and overzealous with his singing and dancing. It was awesome!
            Every time the Union fans tried to get a chant going the rest of the stadium just drowned them out. I loved it – not that I'm not a Union fan but because you saw some true love of the game and some real football fans come out that night.

            I do agree with you about people who don't know who actually plays for Real and who plays for Barca.
            It was the same thing when a large group of us went downtown (Philly) to watch a game. It was mayhem and stupidity all day. And that was just my rowdy group! LOL!
            The group I went with was a female friend who group up in Manchester, one friend who is Scottish and the rest were American. Nothing like a group of females who not only know what the hell is going on in the game but were schooling some of the men who were around us. The Kickette army was out in full force that day!!

            • littlegreenpea says:

              Yay for knowing stuff!! It's amazing, the stuff people don't know, even though they say, "oh, I hate soccer! It's so boring and they're always diving!" (because they have only seen ronaldo play and automatically assume they all play the same.) If they're going to rag on the game, they might want to check on their knowledge before offending people. They have no idea about soccer. And then it just kind of ruins it for the rest of the people who actually enjoy (and UNDERSTAND!!) the beautiful game.

      • Lexy says:

        Where I live if I mention the Premier League I get looks of utter confusion. I'd like to meet some more Arsenal fans besides myself…Though perhaps not the ones that say, 'Wait, when did Fabregas leave?' -.-

      • TFBlovesArsenal says:

        I'm not talking about your average glory fans, I'm talking about people who are fans of every single successful team from every single league. As in, they don't support the teams because they like football, or because they like supporting a winning team, but rather that those are the only teams they've ever heard of and they're namedropping them to look cool. I work in a restaurant that's popular with the hipster crowd here in the US, and there's a lot of customers that do this, especially when I happen to be wearing a jersey.

        My personal favorite was from last year, when I was dressed in my Arsenal gear and some guy teased me about how Barcelona was going to win the league. Not the Champions League. The Premier League. And he wasn't joking, he seriously did not know the difference between La Liga and the English Premier League. THAT'S the kind of stuff that annoys me.

    • bri_saldana says:

      LMAO…literally in the middle of my office; whilst my voice is inappropriately projecting over the cubicles. This is seriously going to make me smile for days!!!

    • Adam says:

      …or Arsenal. Same difference, glory hunters all.