May 10th, 2011
Precious Cargo Carriers: Fabio da Silva & Nemanja Vidic
During the post-match departure parade from Old Trafford this weekend, Manchester United’s Fabio da Silva was seen with a pretty in pink, corkscrew curly cutie in tow. Although this da Silva twin was barely legal when he married his wife, Barbara (he was 18-years-old; she, 17), as far as we’re concerned, the couple has no kids. While we’ve never seen Fabs with his wife in public before – a habit which bodes well for those WAGabees who believe in the old adage ‘out of sight, out of mind’ – we’re told the scrumptious baby girl is his niece. Go ahead and breathe your heavy sigh of underage relief now.
Also spotted clicking his car alarm too quickly to locate his robo-mobile in the car-park: Nemanja Vidic. He and his age-appropriate wife, Ana, deserve the Nobel Prize for Procreation Perfection.
In light of these developments, we advise you to use caution when near/or around ‘ballers and bubbas. Especially ones who emerge from a Manchester United WAG’s womb. Photos of these supremely constructed specimens can drive you to distraction and leave your legs with pins and needles if you let them. Speaking from experience, it’s never fun to see your spry young leg buckle upon standing from an intense, 3 hour baby image bender.
The only thing worse is when both of your gams give up on you like ours are doing at this very moment. We’ll be ordering take-out tonight.