April 13th, 2011
Product Shilling Players As Pupils: If Kickette Controlled The Classroom
Image source: Wire Image. Thx for the story spots, NH & PG!
Calling all students: Kickette class is now in session. Toss your knapsacks under your seats, boys and girls, and pay close attention to today’s lesson on “Publicity Pouting 101″ – featuring the cream of the school clique crop.
Aitor Ocio/Teacher’s Pet
Our kinky-costumed kiss-ass was announced as the new face (and hopefully body?) of a few Schweppes tonics in Madrid last Thursday. He told reporters that he speaks with his ex/baby momma, Laura Sanchez, daily to ensure their daughter Naia – whom he called his ‘greatest triumph’ – grows up to be a happy, normal lady.
Grade: A - . We’re already halfway through our 2011 ‘to-do-us’ list, and his hair is stacked a bit too tall for our plus rating’s liking.
Dimitar Berbatov/English as a Second Language Lothario
Bulgaria’s answer to Don Draper may be a man of few words, but his accent packs a powerful punch to our resistance muscles when it counts. We have zero interest in understanding the words he utters in this credit card commercial, but have his dulcet tones on loop anyway.
Grade: B. We’re considering giving the helpless lad some after school extra credit.
(PS – here’s another vid of Berba, his S.O. Elena and their daughter Dea in Bulgaria a few weeks back.)
Tim Howard/Eager, Semi-Overactive Beaver
Among the several insider secrets he revealed in between takes of his AllState advert, the USMNT/Everton keeper spoke of the hard-earned ‘active kid’ moniker that he boasted while growing up.
Grade: C. While coffee keeps us sane until it’s time to get drunk, little Timmy should bide his boredom with hobbies that don’t include destroying our classroom door decorations.
Mario Gomez/Vegan Choir Geek
So he’s shy, has milk allergies and the occasional whooping cough and wears unflattering clothes – what’s your point?