January 10th, 2008

Randoms: Angries, Oldies and Undies

imageJoey Barton’s therapist says he is in for a whole ‘lotta brain re-programming.  His flashing-ass is now under the care of the Sporting Chance Clinic in Hampshire, which treats sportspeople with behavioural problems.

For those not in the know, Joey plays for Newcastle United and he got himself into some sort of beat-down situ outside a McDonalds – a little jail time resulted. Please note, this was not the first fists-meet-face incident he has been in. 

Mr. B is a bad boy, no doubt, but bad-boy “good”, or bad-boy “you’re a jackass”? You can guess where we stand.

Side note to the Newcastle coaching situation and the various names being thrown around for the open job: we are so over Alan Shearer. Not that we were ever anywhere near being under him, but this pic of Shearer and his old cronie mates in the Caribbean makes our teeth itch.  Is it the combined age of 700, or the swimming trunks that gives us the icks? We may never know.

image courtesy of Splash news/KEYSTONE press

Media call: Anyone in the UK, aged 20-30 interested in doing a (paid) story with a well known, high-circulation tabloid newspaper magazine? We were contacted by a journalist looking for WAGs, ex-WAGs, regular gals and in-betweens, who meet a specific criteria – see below.  If you’re up for it, drop us a line asap (via the contact us page) and we’ll forward your details on. 

If you used to be a real ‘girl about town’ and live the a high profile life with a high profile partner (footy or otherwise), but have since settled down and now live the simple life miles away from the party scene, or are perhaps running your own business now;
or, if you’re still living the party lifestyle but are starting to get bored of it and find it quite empty, but are addicted to the status of it all.

Note: this isn’t in any way affiliated with Kickette – we’re just the messengers. As such, we promise not to pester, mock nor stalk you if you parlay your tabloid story into a well-paid stint on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. 

imageA group of ballers have set up an initiative called A Star to help disadvantaged youths catch a break and get some appreciation for their skills with the goal of opening up ways into employment through sport and other creative activities.

Fitz Hall (who just signed with Queens Park Rangers from Wigan) is the main man behind the venture, and he’s pulled in England strikers Andy Johnson and Emile Heskey who are all doing the “A” sign when they score a goal.  Be charitable, and learn about the cause here. Our secret guilty pleasure is watching the numerous naff, controversial and cornball goal celebrations of our favourite ballers, so it’s nice to know this one comes with a good story.

Okay, we’re done with being 1% generous and somewhat thoughtful and non-snarky. That’s like, so 2007.  Now on with the photos of Becks in his briefs. Much better.

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35 Responses to “Randoms: Angries, Oldies and Undies”

  1. zara clothes says:

    pretty awful campaign i must admit

  2. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Dont worry rusty, think I love him enough for two people.  I deffo celebrated enough for more than two people last night… sick

    And how cute that his son had Torres on his shirt last night.

  3. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Meowww Rusty, put your claws away!!!

    Carra is the best, will see that tonight when his brilliance is recognised before the game. 

    Love him!!!!!

  4. Rusty says:

    MrsXabi, I *like* Carra, well, as much as I can like a Liverpool player tongue wink

  5. Rusty says:

    TFO, don’t feel bad. I was already too old to read that issue of Seventeen when it came out. In football terms, I’m the same age as Jamie Carragher, but far easier to understand when I talk, and I still wear the England shirt!

  6. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Sorry to butt in Elsie and TFO but Jonny is mine!!!! You can have all the footballers in the world, (except maybe Xabi) but Jonny boy is all mine!!! I lurrrrrrvve him so much!!! The things I coxuld do to that man. Hubba Hubba…… *getting all hot at the thought*  tongue wink

  7. Rusty says:

    TFO, you just made me think about a girl who had a crush on Mark Messier and wrote about it in Seventeen magazine in…I think 1995.

    Those are NOT the Newcastle-related men I’d like to see shirtless, though I don’t mind Mr. Shearer.

    And I think I should turn off my computer due to thundersnow. Ack! Well, that and the fact that it’s 10 to 7 in the morning, I never went to sleep last night, and I’m recovering from a particularly horrid case of the flu.

    • Jaclyn says:

      I am looking for that exact article of Mark Messier in Seventeen. Do you know where I can find a copy?

  8. The Fourth Official says:

    Yeah, Rusty, thanks for the reminder that I am that old.  But Mark is still hot.  <she says defensively>  Gerard Butler:  ROWRRRRRRRRRR.

  9. Elise says:

    Fourth-yeah Kewell is a bit cute, as is David Dunn at Blackburn (though I don’t like him), and Steven Gerrard, though, like I said above, none would make my Finest 5, well, my Finest 2 list!!  I agree with you on Jonny Wilkinson.  Nice.  As for my own ‘non-footballers who make me breathe heavy’ list- Russell Crowe, Gerard Butler, Clive Owen, and Jason Isaacs.  Mmmmmmm.

  10. Sarah x says:

    Becks Has Definatly Got a Pair Of socks Down There wink

  11. Elise says:

    Damn it, Fourth- I’m running out of time in my day and space in my dreams to fantasise about footballers and managers, and though I’ve always thought nothing more of Roy Keane other than ‘handsome fellow, perhaps a bit of a bastard’, now you’ve gone and uttered that delicious phrase ‘nasty in the bedroom’ and now here I go.  I’m going to have to start combining some of these fantasies to save time!  Let’s see—Me and John and Frank and Jose and Roy and…..
    em, excuse me, I have to go now…

    <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  12. Becca x says:

    Talking of Football Teams.. Any Chelsea Supporter On Here <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/raspberry.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" />

  13. lose that girl says:

    Glory Glory Man Utd!
    TFO—great game, oh yes!

    Sorry but I had to snigger when Smudger got sent off.

    And I’m so glad to see that Ronaldo finally got his hair cut. No more slick!

  14. The Fourth Official says:

    Elise, I enjoy the eye candy (Cristiano, Fernando, Roque), the cutie-pie Aussies like Cahill and Kewell, and Becks and Freddie are Adonis.  Also, I like Irish and Scottish footballers, so anyone whose surname starts with a Mc or an O’ has a running start with me.  But the men who make me actually sweat behind my knees?  Those who are extremely driven and intense and doesn’t settle for anything less than pure excellence. I find that very sexy. So, yes, Totti would make my top 5, and Keano of course.  Non-footballers: Mark Messier, Jonny Wilkinson, Daniel Day-Lewis.

    And mudiwa, if you’re looking for a judgment-free zone, this isn’t it.  smile

  15. mudiwa says:

    can u let those men have a holiday on the beach in peace n not be judged, everyone cant be beautiful n its just cruel to say such things

  16. Elise says:

    …the feel of Jose’s cashmere coat and designer stubble on one side of my body, Frank’s powerful thighs on the other, and where there’s Frank, there’s John, so…what’s not to like? LOL   Though I must say I don’t really consider Frank ‘a bit of rough’.  I’m sure he has his moments, but JT and Roy are different.  And as for McFadden, he wasn’t even anywhere near my radar until Kickette’s post and the ensuing conversaton, but yeah, I pay attention to him now.  But as for Jose, well he’s just a masterpiece of manliness.  He’s just f**king beautiful (like Frank), plus he’s so confident and arrogant (a major aphrodisiac for me, I confess).  I suppose it’s all about power, whether it’s dressed in a suit ‘top of your profession’ type power or something more primal, it really does it for me.  That’s why lots of the men I’ve always fancied aren’t necessarily the obvious ones.  Give me Sean Bean over Brad Pitt any day! 
    But you have gotten me thinking about my own personal football Finest 5- can’t believe I haven’t considered this seriously before.  So now, here I go:
    1.  John Terry (without a doubt, no other consideration for the top spot- I’m hot just typing his name.  I love everything about him- the way he walks, the goofy grin, the spiky hair, the way his eyes crinkle and make him look older, the way his mouth moves when he speaks, the way he laughs with his mouth wide open, the way he stands with his shoulders so far back that if they were any farther back he’d tip over, his ‘til the death’ attitude to the game, the way he isn’t ashamed to cry on the pitch, his obvious love for Frank, the way he looks at his kids, etc…..sigh)
    2.  Frank Lampard (he and JT are inextricably linked for me- and that’s just fine.  And need I mention those thighs? But I love him most I think because of the way he just gets on with it even when it’s difficult- like the mindboggling courage required to step up to that penalty kick in the Croatia game, knowing what he’d already gone through after 2006 and what he would suffer if he missed it- OH!)
    3.  ??? ah, and here we arrive at the reason I don’t have a personal finest 5- no one else even comes close to these two.  There are cute players and managers, yes, but they don’t inspire complete devotion or over-the-top-lust (except for Francesco Totti of Roma- holy crap, he’d be on the list if I knew anything else about him other than the fact that he’s smoking hot- but that alone isn’t enough).
    But now, Fourth, I’m wondering who YOUR personal finest 5 are?

  17. Malin says:

    Oh no, Cris cut his hair. (Sniffs sadly) I sort of missed the backslick…

    Oh sorry, did I enter the wrong post here? I saw the Man U supporters and my thoughts just wandered away with me. Gosh, give me that portuguese, the things I could do to him, grrr…

  18. The Fourth Official says:

    Elise, you have a little thing for that Scottish thistle James McFadden too, don’t you?  You *do* like it a bit rough.  That being so, I can’t figure how Jose fits in with in your personal Finest Five.  Don’t see how all that cashmere and expensive cologne mixes with Guinness and hairy thighs.  But hey, it’s your fantasy.  wink

  19. Elise says:

    Yes, Becca!  I’m completely mad for Chelsea….‘my heart leaps up when I behold a Chelsea blue jersey’!  By the way, did you catch JT on Sky Sports 1?  He was doing an interview and said basically that Jose was the reason they are still winning.  Not in quite so many words, and I’m sure he meant no disrespect to Grant- they seem to have a good relationship.  I think Grant is a big JT fan.  John was wearing one of his ‘old man’ sweaters.  He loves those things, and I love him for wearing them!  He’s going to be a cool old man.  He has his scan Monday to see how his foot is doing.
    And now I feel I have an excuse to talk about the actual games!  I have always really liked Belletti (I love to watch him run!) and was so happy to see his strike against Spurs on Saturday.  Very nice indeed!  And I’m completely over the moon for SWP.  What a couple of games he’s had!  And that standing ovation when he came off- just brilliant!  I hope to see more of the same from him.

    About that Man U./Newcastle game- I don’t know if I’ve ever felt sorrier for a team than I did for Newcastle.  I’ve never been a real Newcastle supporter, but I have to admit that over the last few months I find myself rooting for them (unless of course they are playing Chelsea).  I’m a sucker for an underdog.  But the saddest bit is seeing the players look like they’ve given up, and a few of them certainly looked that way against United.  Part of my feelings for them probably have to do with Damien Duff.  I loved him so much when he was with Chelsea.  That 2004/2005 season was absolute magic- I still get weepy thinking of it sometimes-and he was so damned good and such a part of their success and to see him now…it must be killing him.  I’m sorry they didn’t get Harry, but I just didn’t see him leaving Portsmouth.  They do need someone like him though- someone with a reputation of coming in and making a difference quickly.  And no, I don’t see Jose in the north of England!  But they need someone like that.  I can’t take much more of their sad, dejected faces.

  20. The Fourth Official says:

    Coolbyrne, I would <honestly, I’m not kidding> fly to England and shell out for the best ticket I could get to watch Sunderland host Newcastle, if Alan Shearer was Newcastle manager.  Not that I anticipate any blows (well, maybe just a couple <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smile.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />, but just to watch Keano give him the death stare. You know, the one that shrinks men’s testicles to the size of baby peas.  I’ve loved Roy since about 1995, and I’ll never forget what he did for United.  And to me, he’s only getting hotter (though I notice that he’s growing the beard back, which I don’t care for so much.) Ah, the 90s – some great memories.

  21. The Fourth Official says:

    Yeah, I’ve always thought Keano would be right nasty in the bedroom – all that brooding black Irish intensity, focused on *me*.  Yummers.  Oh, and Tammy, sorry about that ass-kicking – whooops – sorry – make that “loss” at Old Trafford today.  Honestly, I thought Michael Owen was denied a rightful goal by a poor call.  Other than that, I think I predicted a goal scoring frenzy by Cristiano.  I’m sure the manager situation will be sorted soon and it will be onwards and upwards.  Newcastle has too great a history to go down.  <trying to be magnanimous>

  22. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Why oh why do I have a soft spot for Joey Barton????? OK so I know the guys a complete pillock but I just cant help myself, maybe its the way he kicks the ball really hard (love that lol), maybe I just think I can ‘save’ him, maybe its the body or maybe I just cant resit a damn scouse accent!!
    I want to change, honest I just cant seem too.

    Oh and thank you Kickette for finally helping me get wayyyyy over my Shearer crush!!!! *shudders*

  23. coolbyrne says:

    I have to say, I’m not inclined to really follow teams that much; I’m more of a player follower.  So despite the fact that I have no love for United, I absolutely adore Roy Keane and find myself cheering for Sunderland even though he’s not playing anymore.  I love the eye candy of the pretty boys, but I’ll take a bit of rough every single time!

  24. tammyv says:

    OK lots to Cover –

    For brining in Joey B alone, The Big Scam needed to be fired.  This is not Joey’s first stint at Sporting Chance Clinic, and no, none of the several previous times have helped him either. Although he does claim that they taught him anger managment through fishing… no, it didn’t work either.

    Amen on Shearer – Amen… and I am a proud member of the Toon Army, but really I am seriously over him too, and god no, I never wanted to be under him. 

    I would to get a little Jamie Redknapp on the sidelines, bring pretty to the touchline since Chelsea screwed that deal up.  Oh Mike Ashley, for myself and EVERY other lady of footy, bring the Special One to the TOON!

    I am lovin the “A” crowd…They are stars…now, go figure out how to help Joey

    GOD I HATE this Campaign, it makes him look cheep, dirty and reeks of gay porn.

  25. Robin says:

    Joey Barton is vile. Andif he weren’t a footballer his behavior would never have been as tolerated as it is. Time for him to face the consequences of his actions. And by consequences I don’t mean days spent at ‘Happy Valley Farms’ for intensive therapy.
    Of course I pretty much think anyone who gets away with behavior merely because they’re celebrities deserve to be given the same treatment the rest of us would be shown. So there.

  26. The Fourth Official says:

    It could happen – unfortunately, the post-manager bounce has happened before to us.  Either that, or it’ll be a goal-scoring frenzy by Cristiano.  I’ll be thinking of you at kick-off.

  27. Ally says:

    That photo makes my teeth itch too (and I didn’t know they could.) The trunks and the combined age are bad enough, but the worst thing is that 70s porn star chest rug that Shearer is sporting. Atrocious!

  28. tammyv says:

    I will take comfort in my post-manger departure bounce win this weekend!

  29. The Fourth Official says:

    Hell no.  I was being sarcastic.  So, yes, Tammy, you are still so alone. 

    Man United all the way, baby.

  30. tammy says:

    TFO – are you a member of the Toon Army? I feel so much less alone

  31. c8h10n4o2 says:

    Anyone who chooses to have the same tattoo as the killer from Silence of the Lambs is too far gone for help.

  32. The Fourth Official says:

    That job description?  Nice reminder of what a boring-ass life I lead.  Thanks for that.
    <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/blank.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="blank stare" style="border:0;" />

    Joey?  Temper-schlemper.  He needs a productive channel for his agression. Send him on over to Canada and we’ll get him up on skates.  He’ll have a major career in the NHL. 

    Newcastle?  Sorry, can’t think of a witty riposte.  It’s just too sad.  <dabs away tear>
    See you on the weekend, barcodes.

  33. coolbyrne says:

    You’re not alone, brandy.

    First post and wouldn’t you know it, it’s in feeble defense of Newcastle and -god help me- Alan Shearer.  He should just take the damn job so the press will finally stop dredging up his name every time the position is available.  Besides, it conjurs up giggle-worthy thoughts of Newcastle vs. Sunderland and Keano/Shearer foregoing any pretense of professionalism and going toe-to-toe in the middle of the pitch.

  34. brandy says:

    I say “jackass” to Joey B. Maybe if he was hot or had a sexy accent he could get away with such hijinx, but alas, he has neither, so no go.

    All of these pix hurt my eyes so I am moving on… before I lose sight all together!