March 12th, 2008

Randoms: Cheekbone Weaponry & Non-Bulges

Mark Feehily (of boyband Westlife) likes the Scandis.  In particular, he’s got a thing for Swede Freddie Ljungberg, pictured here after dinner at Cipriani’s. Mark’s take on our long-time favourite? “Of course Freddie Ljungberg is Swedish,‘ Feehily says.  ‘His cheekbones are so sharp they could be used as a weapon! You can’t take him on a plane.‘  Rawr.

Danielle Lloyd missed the call sheet on the laws of photography in the age of the internets: “if you take nasty-ass nekkid pictures, they will soon surface for all to view, or at least be used as blackmail to take your beer money.“  For all of our sakes, let’s hope the pics stay under wraps.

There’s a new WAG on the block. Roxanne Pallett, an actress from the soap Emmerdale, is dating Manchester United’s Danny Simpson.  Caring levels for this news remains minimal, but let’s watch this space.

Liverpool Fashion Week is on, and Alex Curran and crew are doing the rounds. It launched Monday at the Society nightclub and wraps up at the Newz bar on Friday, where Abigail Clancy will be strutting the catwalk. You know you want to be there.

Cheryl Cole is going to try and work things out with cheating hubby Ashley.  In the meantime, her insiders are queuing up to sell “source” stories to the tabloids – she can’t bear for him to touch her, they have to move house, she’s got him on a six-month sex ban, etc.  Let us tell you exclusively what exactly is going on: they’re both miserable and wishing this never happened.

Victoria Beckham on trousers: “I think guys should wear jeans big and baggy, with a big pair of boots or flip-flops – exactly how you see David when he’s out in his jeans and T-shirt. Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!“  Fellas, take note: hanging = good.  Tightly cupped = bad. Posh has spoken.

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47 Responses to “Randoms: Cheekbone Weaponry & Non-Bulges”

  1. shah says:


  2. Rusty says:

    Damn…just found the Ballack picture and was informed that it was fake. But how would I have known? I don’t usually search for naked pictures on the internet!

  3. Elise says:

    Oh, Rusty, that is devastating news about the Ballack bollocks pic, but I suppose, really, what we already have is quite enough (quite!) to make us daydream!

  4. Rusty says:

    And in my third-straight post about pictures of Herr Ballack, I somehow started getting the Chelsea newsletter without signing up and I just noticed the wallpapers. There was one of him last week but I can only link to this week’s, which is fat Frank (who isn’t fat, I just like that as a nickname).

  5. Rusty says:

    Okay Elise, I’m looking. But they are soo not-safe-for-work I don’t think I want to link to them here.

  6. Elise says:

    Rusty-  LOL

    And I’m sure you’re currently searching the internet to find said pics, right?  LOL Because there just might be one or two or us who would be ever so slightly interested!

  7. brandy, aka CR's Official Mistress in Perpetuity : says:

    PS: Mmmmmm…. Michael Ballack….. YUMM!!!

  8. brandy, aka CR' says:

    Freddie will forever be in my heart – especially if he keeps showin’ up like this! That man is sex in jeans and a t-shirt! HOT!

    As for Posh – give that woman a medal, hell, give her the Nobel Peace Prize for her efforts to keep our boys COMMANDO!!!!

    Liverpool Fashion Week – chuckle!

  9. Rusty says:

    Elise, as I said before, I *have* seen Ballack’s bollocks somewhere on the internet. And I don’t mean merely the phrase. There’s pictures of him showing us everything, and I’ve seen ‘em. I wasn’t so impressed the first time I saw the pictures, then I looked again, comparing ratios, and was in shock!

    And why wouldn’t I wear his shirt to the opera? <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  10. freddiegirl says:

    Wow…as many times as I’ve stared at pictures of Freddie I never noticed how long his fingers are…um…….

  11. freddiegirl says:

    I love him, I love him, I love him…thank you Kickette, for posting a pic of my beloved Freddie…it’s not often that I see him here anymore.  Made my day…;)

    Obviously, I love the Scandis as well….:D

  12. Elise says:

    Rusty- you are awesome!  You wore your Ballack jersey to the opera!  <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="LOL" style="border:0;" /> 

    And ladies, if I’m not mistaken, I really *have* seen Ballack’s Bollocks somewhere already on the internet (the phrase I mean, not the….oh well)!

  13. Nic says:

    Umm seriously—is Alex Curran taking hallucinogenic drugs? Rival Milan and Paris?? Puuuuh-leeeease! The woman is clearly out of her mind.

    As for Freddie—- where has he been hiding?!? So good to see posts about him again!  <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="kiss" style="border:0;" />

  14. Sara says:

    Good to see Freddie grace Kickette once again. I’m always in the mood for a good dose of Freddie!

  15. Rusty says:

    I’m thinking of changing my name to Ballack’s bollocks…or Smudger’s manbag…

    Elise, I have two Ballack shirts, Chelsea and Germany. I actually wore the Germany shirt to an opera opening night last week; I didn’t realize it was black tie! (At least I’d worn something over it.) I also wore the Germany shirt Monday and Tuesday with a giant amethyst pendant for luck, and the Chelsea shirt yesterday because I thought I was going to Chelsea, Mass., and I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in a Chelsea shirt in front of a “Welcome to Chelsea” sign. I was actually in South Boston, so it didn’t matter.

  16. e says:


    You can see all the pic for Liverpool Fashion Week @

    You have to sign up to see them.

    ps….there not that exciting <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="confused" style="border:0;" />

  17. Liverpool fashion week? My Godness.

  18. cheryl bites says:

    Yes, I think Micha needs a crotch bra. DD-cup, too…

  19. The Fourth Official says:

    How long before someone starts using the name “Ballack’s Bollocks” on Kickette??  <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smirk" style="border:0;" />

  20. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Oh my!! It is way too early for all this talk of bulges, I have a full day at work to get through.  Not sure I’ll be much use now! I am in shock at the size of what Ballack is packing, jeeeez how does he walk around with all that swinging about??!

    Love any excuse to stare at Freddie’s perfect face smile

    I don’t think Danielle has too much to worry about, even if picture’s of her did ‘miraculously’ surface I can’t see too much people wanting to see them.  She’s the same as any skeeze bag, and most men have seen her, and I mean all of her, many time’s before.  My claws have now been put away!

    Roxanne Pallett – whatev’s! She another skank ho! Seem’s to have a thing for young un’s too.

    Liverpool Fashion Week??! huh!! As faithful as I am to Liverpool, can’t really see this being too successful in fashion terms.  Bring on the photo’s tho, I could use a good laugh.

    A six month ban?! I’m confused as to how this will work.  At the end of the six month’s is she just going to realise that actually she can handle him touching her! You can’t put a time span on how long it will take till she feel’s comfortable with him again!

    And VB doesn’t like tight bulges?! Did she not SEE this picture of her hubby??

  21. The Fourth Official says:

    Crumb, it looks like he has a pair of handbags in there, cheryl bites.  gulp

    One would think they’d get in the way when running, jumping etc?  I thought big-busted women had problems.

  22. cheryl bites says:

    Re: Roxanne Pallett: NORTH CUMBRIA REPRESENT!!!

    Hmm, I tried linking to the Ballack’s bollocks post before and it did not work. Let me repeat the attempt:

  23. Jane says:

    FL: meshigener fruit
    DL: trash
    VB: who cares
    CC&AC;: out in a day

  24. Tracy says:

    Maybe I am being obtuse… but perform what, Kaya?

  25. Gigi says:

    Liverpool Fashion Week????  That is a joke, is it not?  Talk about an oxymoron.  “Curran

  26. lose that girl says:

    Abi Clancy is going to make all the other WAGS look pathetic at Liverpool Fashion Week. Can’t wait!!! Any word on whether their other halves will be strutting the catwalk? Now that Newcastle has done it, I think they all should!

  27. Becca x says:

    Eurghh.. Freddie Ljungberg.  I Cant Stand Him.
    Danielle Lloyd Deserves It. You Shouldnt Have Taken The Pictures if You Didnt Want Them To Get Out You Silly Cow!
    Cant Wait For All The Liverpool Fashion Week Pictures :D .
    Im Glad Cheryl And Ashley Are Back Together But We All Knew It Would Happen Anyway.. Yano The ‘One Last Chance’ Thing (As used By Elen Rives).

  28. carly says:

    Cheekbones <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />
    There’s nothing like great bone structure to make a man irresistable, I think.
    And I’m liking what Posh says, she’s clever.

  29. kaya says:

    Liverpool Fashion Week. Now *that* is funny!

    How is a sex-ban supposed to help Cheryl? I guess you gotta clean him out a little like they starve the snails before they become escargots… but I would make him perform… umm… favors for me every single day in the meantime.

  30. The Fourth Official says:

    Okay, so knowing absolutely nothing about Westlife, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that Feehily is gay?  <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />  Not that there’s anything wrong with that <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" /> and not that I disagree about the cheekbones, mind you.

    I used to think Danny Simpson was so young and innocent.  But not *now*, I’m guessing! Danny, take care, sweetheart, that woman looks like she could eat you alive. <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="big surprise" style="border:0;" /> 

    Danielle Lloyd, don’t care, Liverpool Fashion Week, chuckle (but I still want pics),  Cheryl Cole, don’t care, Victoria Beckham, SO don’t care.

  31. Trainee Wag says:

    hhahahha.. after that video TFO.. i suddenly develope a wierd affection for Ballack.. thank you very much

  32. DanyLamps says:

    I’m a big fan of Westlife. And yes, Mark is gay ;_; is not a good news… He’s so handsome!!!

  33. Elise says:

    Johnna, I *knew* I liked you!  LOL
    Now I’m only left to wonder what you may have in *your* file that I might have missed in my diligent hours (and hours and hours and….) of research!  And a worthy use of our time, it is! But why don’t you post a favourite now?  You know at least one person here will appreciate it!!! LOL

    And Rusty- three days in your Ballack tshirt?  Awesome.  I spent a week in my Lampard jersey back when we was going through so much shite with the boo-boys.  I felt he needed my support.  wink

  34. Johnna says:

    Elise, I have a whole picture folder dedicated to JT’s bulge. What a wonderful wonderful sight. Mmmmm.

  35. Robin says:

    That Ballack video is the funniest thing ever! His wife must be *very* happy and the Chelsea locker room full of jealous boys!

  36. Cassie says:

    I am probably being really dumb but whats this Danielle lloyd stuff all about???? what pictures?

  37. Rusty says:

    *is the eight millionth person to laugh at the term “Liverpool Fashion Week”*

    As someone who is wearing a Michael Ballack shirt for the third day in a row, no, I am not kidding, I would like to thank TFO for that link. I have probably about 1500 pictures of him, and he is officially my favorite football player. Tomorrow I’ll find the bulgiest ones and picspam them. I’ve seen a picture of, umm, everything but I didn’t save it. I can find it again though <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

    Here’s a picture I took of his butt, 4 August 2006 in Chicago:…

  38. c9 says:

    TFO- I don’t believe someone took the time to make a video so detailed as that. Someone has too much time on their hands LOL

    But great to look at none the less!

  39. Elise says:

    There are many wonderful things about Liverpool, but somehow I just don’t think ‘fashion capitol’ when it’s mentioned!

  40. Johnna says:

    Is saying “Liverpool fashion week” an oxymoron like saying “Elen was a model”?

  41. Elise says:

    God bless you Kickette for giving us another excuse to view/discuss bulges!  grin
    Michael Ballack…indeed, what to say!  I had seen some of those pics before, but a whole video’s worth of them!  Holy….  !  I think that, like John, he has balls the size of automobile tires big surprise  and their poor overstressed pants are doing all they can to hold them in! LOL Here’s one of John that I snagged from the fine folks at FootballBoners (gotta love them) that just makes me shake my head (and drool) and wonder just what the hell that man is packing!:
    And one more:

    But with Ballack…I can’t even find the words….I mean, is he constantly ‘vigilant’?! LOL

    Frank, in the beautiful golden days before the compression shorts:

    And one of my favourite ‘happy’ moments in football:
    I might have already posted that one, but really, it’s worth repeating!  LOL

    I’d post some of Ballack, but it seems redundant after the mother of all bulge videos!

  42. klyn312 says:

    er, sorry,

  43. klyn312 says:

    Never really had anything special for Freddie but I must admit this pic is yummy.
    I am really looking forward to the Liverpool fashion week- not that I’m being catty (yet). I like to keep track of how many fashion trends make it over to the states, we are soo st least a year behind on even the blandest street wear.-fellow glob trotters, back me up on this before NY and LA attacks   <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="tongue wink" style="border:0;" />

    Cheryl should make Ashley BEG… and then make him remember why he married her.(blush)

  44. The Fourth Official says:

    Girls, speaking of “bulges”, check out this <ahem> little homage to Michael Ballack.

    Makes my Roy Keane tribute video seem very tame.  <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="ohh" style="border:0;" />

  45. Sarah x says:

    Mark.. Should Of Guessed He Would Say Something Like That.
    Danielle.. Thats Wht Being A Glamour Model Is All About Lovely!
    Roxanne.. How Long Do You Think She Will Last Girls?
    Liverpool Fashion Week, You Better Have Pictures <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" />
    Cheryl Cole.. Didnt We Know It Was Gonna Happen Anyways?
    Vicky B.. Great Advice (Y)

  46. robin says:

    Cheryl never should have taken ashley back – she could do much better elsewhere (anywhere).
    I love pic of the white as paper model and orange as well an orange alex.
    Daniel lloyd is skank personified.
    Does ‘letting it hang free’ also mean no underwear?

  47. Trainee Wag says:

    liverpool has fashion week???  oh dear.. thats going to be hilarious.
    Danielle Lloyd, totally espected..
    Victoria.. ermm.. its nice for you to share the first thing that pops up in your mind.
    I am glad the cheryl and ashley has worked thing out.. but a SIX MONTH SEX BAN? thats a bit overboard dont you think?? if its really six month.. i think that he’s just going to find someone else.