June 2nd, 2011
Seattle Sounders: The Dating Game
Roger Levesque realises a moment too late that his generosity is about to be exploited in a most alarming manner. Images: AP Photo/Daylife, Getty Images/Zimbio.
We like to feel that in the years we have existed, our influence has infiltrated the collective consciousness of the footballing world in some small way. Despite heavy opposition from those who believe that the game was better when players remained fully clothed at all times and discussion remained focused on squad rotation, we believe that the short tent and mass shirt removal situs have revolutionised the game as a sporting spectacle and as such, we remain fully committed to our cause.
The latest team to proudly embrace our ideology are the Seattle Sounders, who, thanks to Kickette (and probably some other reasons, but we’re sure it’s mostly us) have realised that a large proportion of their fans are in fact hot bishes just dying to get their hands on a ‘baller boy. In order to exploit this rich vein , the club have launched their ‘Make A Date With A Sounder’ initiative, which includes billboards, player profiles and videos of players advertising their wares.
Yeah, it’s like a mad, Kickette Island related fantasy, isn’t it?
Due to our mean and cruel Editor’s insistence on our gesturing vaguely towards the truth in our reporting, we are forced to point out that you don’t actually get to ‘date’ a Sounder in this whole deal. It’s more of a marketing campaign than the man-meat market we would’ve hoped for, but we’re sure you could exploit the meet and greet package available to nefarious ends.
The acknowledgement of our movement is good enough for us. Emmeline Pankhurst would be most proud.