June 2nd, 2011

Seattle Sounders: The Dating Game

Roger Levesque realises a moment too late that his generosity is about to be exploited in a most alarming manner. Images: AP Photo/Daylife, Getty Images/Zimbio.

We like to feel that in the years we have existed, our influence has infiltrated the collective consciousness of the footballing world in some small way. Despite heavy opposition from those who believe that the game was better when players remained fully clothed at all times and discussion remained focused on squad rotation, we believe that the short tent and mass shirt removal situs have revolutionised the game as a sporting spectacle and as such, we remain fully committed to our cause.

The latest team to proudly embrace our ideology are the Seattle Sounders, who, thanks to Kickette (and probably some other reasons, but we’re sure it’s mostly us) have realised that a large proportion of their fans are in fact hot bishes just dying to get their hands on a ‘baller boy. In order to exploit this rich vein , the club have launched their ‘Make A Date With A Sounder’ initiative, which includes billboards, player profiles and videos of players advertising their wares.

Yeah, it’s like a mad, Kickette Island related fantasy, isn’t it?

Due to our mean and cruel Editor’s insistence on our gesturing vaguely towards the truth in our reporting, we are forced to point out that you don’t actually get to ‘date’ a Sounder in this whole deal. It’s more of a marketing campaign than the man-meat market we would’ve hoped for, but we’re sure you could exploit the meet and greet package available to nefarious ends.

The acknowledgement of our movement is good enough for us. Emmeline Pankhurst would be most proud.

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14 Responses to “Seattle Sounders: The Dating Game”

  1. die steel says:

    Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!…

  2. lea says:

    haha this is great! DC United needs to step up to the plate and follow their example. btw one of the auctions is only going for $102 so far! and it's the guy with the cute boston terrier puppy!

  3. @m_longacre says:

    I was so excited when I saw one of their billboards around Seattle. Definitely dissapointed when I realized I didn't actually get to date one lol. Too bad. Roger Levesque is quite attractive.

  4. [...] soccer blogger Kickette has seen the latest Sounders ad campaign and heartily approves. She also is perfectly willing to claim credit for the teams efforts to reach female fans. Of course, it’s not as blatant as the upcoming [...]

  5. Naranjo'Ho says:

    Crap! As a faithful Houston Dynamo I really hate the Sounders and their instant fan love up there in the great Northwest. Color me green with envy.

  6. Bri says:

    I love my sounders. They are brilliant all the time every time. Now I will patiently wait for Fredy's vid…=D

  7. Sally says:

    wow. this team is so hott. i think this should be made mandatory for all other teams.
    now.

  8. jen says:

    dear liverpool's PR department,

    i hope you're paying attention.

    love,
    an adoring female fan

  9. GumbyGrrl says:

    US 2nd division team NSC Minnesota Stars have 15 players in a Man Auction: http://virginmobileauction.com/minneapolis/bachel… And they're all hotter than Roger Levesque and his p0rn 'stache!

  10. noob says:

    That.

    Is.

    Joyously.

    Hilarious!

    Love a club that has a sense of humor!

  11. Don't underestimate your powers of male objectification and the inverted pyramid scheme we use to judge torso fitness when footballers play in said Jonathan Wilsonian configurations in various states of undress. I think Kickette has influenced the modern game and created new awareness of many dimensions of space and strategy both on and off the pitch, with or without clohtes. I like to think David Villa's punk accessories and Gerard Pique's dorky, but tight fitting checked shirts are signals to the K-Army that they know they're being wildly objectified.

  12. PSH says:

    I am renaming all my pets "Pain Machine."

  13. @taterpie says:

    That's a great ad campaign. The company the Sounders have had doing their local media blitzes is really fun. (Wexley School for Girls). Also, mad love for Roger Levesque!