October 16th, 2006

Send in the Accountants: Roman Abramovich

Oh, Lord help he who scorns a footy wife.

May he be doomed to a life of squalid dwellings consisting of only 6 bedrooms, and forced to pay his ex-wife monthly expenses that could sustain the economy of several third world countries.

Soccer gazillionaire and non-hottie Roman Abramovich looks to be facing the biggest divorce settlement in history when his wife Irina finishes taking his jet-setting so-rich-it-hurts-our-brain, ass to the cleaners.

A week ago, reports started surfacing in the tabloids about Rom’s extramartial gallavanting. His inability to secure a gag order with the press has resulted in all the dirty Gucci linen being hung out to dry. Wife Irina is Pissed.

And for good reason – she’s had five of this dude’s kids, suffered through God knows how many dinner conversations where Rom tries to explain the offside rule, and now he’s running her previously unknown name through the mud? He must be punished.

We’re talking about mountains of cash, yachts, mansions, cars. One of his boats is bulletproof and has its own submarine. He has a

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2 Responses to “Send in the Accountants: Roman Abramovich”

  1. They have five young children together who need a father. Roman needs to step up to the plate and stop behaving like a cad.

  2. He has 11 billion dollars… Who cares if he pays half of that to his wife… He can multiply those in a very short time anyway. By the way, the wife really deserves that money because she was always by his side trying to accept him as he is, but some limits can’t be crossed.