October 8th, 2009

Sergio Ramos: A Translation

The Ramos says talk to the fingers

Ah, The Ramos. What a complex creature. Between his green jeans, mandals and hair gallery that should be featured in the Guinness Book of World Records, he’s made us laugh, cry and yearn for topless photos to stop the migraines. Since we have no new he-of-the-topless pics, we’ll settle for this Ramos classic talk-to-the-hand shot instead.

While his recent Zoolander photos in Shangay are proving to be quite popular, you’d be surprised to discover just how clueless Sergio is about the lower-half of his body. Or maybe you won’t be. Fact is, hombre does not do personal interviews often so we’ve translated some Q&A goodies from last week’s supermodel situ.

One random item? Education is currently his top priority since dude is learning English. Anything better than this effort will be the equivalent of a footballer’s A-levels.

See below for our take on his foggy memory and well-rehearsed-kudos-to-his-to-PR-rep answers.

Sergio says: ‘Así que prefiero estar tranquilo y soltero, disfrutando de mi intimidad.’
Translation: ‘I’d rather be quiet and single, enjoying my privacy.’
Kickette says: He’s still pimping his goods on the regs. He just does it on the down-low now.

Sergio says: ‘Cada vez que gano un título o me salgo algo bien procuro comprarme uno nuevo’.
Translation: ‘Everytime I win a title or something I try to go out and buy a new one [watch].’
Kickette says: Lusting over the ceramic Chanel watches were soo last year. Please.

Sergio says: ‘…asegura que no tuvo novia hasta los 15 años.’
Translation: ‘I did not have a girlfriend until I was 15 years old’.
Kickette says: He may have waited until he hit puberty to have a relationship, but homeboy was definitely horizontally promiscuous before then. We envision his crib was outfitted in animal print and a shiny disco ball compliments of his equally attractive, older but lesser-known brother, Rene.

Sergio says: ‘¿Novias? Las famosas, modelos y actrices, provocan morbo, mucho morbo, pero prefiero las que no son conocidas.’
Translation: ‘Girlfriends? The famous models and actress provoke attention, too much, and I prefer the unknown’.
Kickette says: Do the names Elizabeth Reyes (Miss Espana, reality TV) or Amaia Salamanca (Spanish actress) ring a bell? IMBD seems to think so. .

Sergio says: ‘que tiene ‘nueve o diez’ tatuajes…
Translation: He has 9 or 10 tattoos…
Kickette says: Well, which is it? Sergio must surely remember how many times he’s sat down to destroy/decorate his chiseled guns? Did he buy some “watches” before he went? And really if he ever actually does forget, surely he can just count? He’s got the nine necessary fingers, plus one for that floating 10th spot if need be.

Sergio says: …’de la cintura para arriba’.
Translation: …from the waist up.
Kickette says: Ok, we get it now. He can only remember tattoos from his upper half because he can’t keep track of his below the belt activities. This we already knew. And while we don’t condone, (okay, we totally condone) we do fantasize. Please let us be.

Long live The Ramos!

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25 Responses to “Sergio Ramos: A Translation”

  1. Avenath says:

    Brilliant piece, Kickette….hilarious!!

  2. Mel says:

    Not to sound stalker-ish or anything, but he has eleven tattoos…
    12 if the wrist band counts for two, cause it was made bigger this year.

    I sooooo wanna marry him! I’m the non famous girl, he’s supposed to spend the rest of his life with! He just hasn’t realized that yet. But he will.

  3. Zatti says:

    he’s so funny!!!!!!!!!!!
    and hot…. and an amazing player…..

  4. MrsC says:

    Sergio. You make my whole life.

  5. three_lions_are_cute-"MissyRed!" says:

    I think he looks fabtastic on this pic and Pepe does look good too…
    So, very nice pic!
    Thanks for the translation!!!
    Long live The Ramos!!!!!!

  6. [...] A translation of The Ramos. [Kickette] [...]

  7. DaniMrsPepeReina says:

    Pepe i love you and everything what with you being the hubby but what is with the shoes everything else is good but i still think it would of looked better with some trainers and im loving the sunnies. i Guess can over look the shoes you look HOT !:P

    Ramos on the other hand he just makes me LOL so much

  8. FootballerChick43-"Mrs.Ballack" says:

    Probably one of my favorite things ever on this site. Actually, probably one of my favorite things anywhere. Seriously. Amazing. I applaud you all for your brilliance.

  9. Winnie says:


  10. NinyaC says:

    This made my morning. I love his craziness.

  11. Ella says:

    For some reason, I am never repulsed by the Ramos, I feel as though I should be completely turned off, but I'm NOT! (Blushes with embarrassment!)

  12. kwonzer50 says:

    You have to adore him for his authenticity. The Kickette translations make me adore him more. thank you!

    Oh, I just read Laura’s note. “…even when he gets it wrong, it’s gotta be so right.” I 100% agree.

  13. teamtoto says:

    What’s sergio doing? Lol. “Talk to the hand Pepe!” pfft! Pepe’s too cool for you :P Love it! :)

  14. tammyv says:

    This is up to your epic brilliant best, Kickette… positively inspired translations.

  15. Lolinha says:

    He looks like one of the guitar case carrying extras in Desperado. I’m partly expecting him to squat and shoot bullets out of that LV roller.

    Hilarious interpretation. :) I’m so immature, but Shangay gets a giggle out of me everytime.

  16. Anya says:

    ‘I did not have a girlfriend until I was 15 years old’

    What so extraordinary about that?

    It would be if he'd say 'I didn't see a naked girl until I was 23' but 15? That's normal age for boys to move from RedTube to the real girls.

    Btw, Pepe looks hot.

  17. mrs aaron ramsey (&# says:

    if he's giving reina the hand as in "go away i don't like you" then i totally agree reina has some apologizing to do before i feel soory for him anytime soon. ramos, however, completely fabulous!! :p

  18. Riya says:

    Pepe’s shirt makes me laugh. :)

    Honestly I don’t find The Ramo the least bit attractive. Zero.

  19. Laura says:

    Why is it that, no matter what this man says or does, I still love the snot outta him?

    • Sasha says:

      OMG I agree. It doesn't matter what he wears, how he "styles" his hair, or anything, I just can't get enough of him.

      He just has that je ne sais quoi….

      And Sergio, I can teach you English all….night….long….