January 18th, 2011
The Sizzle Query: The Tuesday Torso Trifecta
Ladies and gents, welcome to a special edition of our celebrated (mainly by us) ‘Tuesday Torso’ feature, in which we discuss the merits of various football players’ abdominal muscles in a post feminist, totally scientific manner.
Due to the plethora of nummy tummies presented by players desperate to be included this weekend, we have expanded our usual format to include a further two (yes, that’s two!) candidates for your preferential pickings. Please do take into consideration the usual parameters outlined in the Kickette Soldier Girls/Boys Operational Manual (2011 Campaign) which you should have received in your ‘Stalking Pack’.
First up, the manbag managing, short tent show-offing Welsh Wonder that is Gareth Bale (above). A frequent flyer on Kickette of late, the Tuesday Torso is one area that Gaz has yet to make his own. You can change that, kids!
You know what Javi? Give it a rinse and we’ll take it. We’re not total skanks here. Image: Athletic Bilbao. (Thanks for the tip, Becky!)
Next up, and seen here unleashing his inner rockstar is Athletic Bilbao’s Javi Martinez. We’re feeling the hip dips, the glimpse of the tighty whiteys and the nicely defined but not cheese grater abs. A dish for the more discerning diner, Kickettes?
Come in, Number 18! Your time is up! (Getty Images/Zimbio)
Last but not least, we offer you Lazio’s Libor Kozak. Although Libor is not the most blessed of men in the abdominal muscle department (our definition of blessed looks a little something like this), we appreciate the bonus tenting going on this shot, plus a little aggro towards one’s baying fans never goes amiss. An outsider, but one we’ll definitely be keeping an eye on.
Right. Read your manual, prepare your argument and wade in, Kickettes. Your decision as to who is bearing the finest torso in this trifecta could be critical to their future careers!