April 13th, 2009
Skankocity: The Study Continues
Note: This post originally appeared in 2007. Due to the continued and non-stop dating actions of several individuals, it was necessary for an update. You may want to purchase a condom before reading any further.
Have you heard? Danielle Lloyd is dating a Tottenham player. Her third, in case you’re counting.
You know what that means. It’s time for a Six Degrees of Skanocity 2009 update:
Update, April 2009
9. Chantelle Houghton, a reality TV “star” of D-list (and D-cup) proportions, worked her weave off trying to hook up with Jermain Defoe, and the hard graft paid off. The pair dated for a few months before Jermain cheated on Chantelle. Never mind that Chantelle broke the cardinal rule of dating her friend, Danielle’s, ex-boyfriend, she was still shocked and heartbroken.
Chantell did learn a lot about love though. At the end of her relationship with Jermain, she declared: Expensive shoes don’t make you happy, they really don’t.
WTF? There’s no helping some people.
10. After a brief period of dating “regulars” and pledging never to hook up with ballers again, Danielle has now returned to the hallowed Tottenham grounds to date her third Spurs player – Jamie O’Hara. No, we’ve never heard of him either.
From Teddy to Jermain to Jamie – the status progression is far from inspiring. We girl-crushed on this?
11. Oh, we almost forgot. Danielle allegedly hooked up with Armand Traore, Gerard Pique and Ryan Babel at some point last year.
Need a refresher on earlier activities? Catch up with some of the details from our original post in November 2007
Three Wags, Many Players: A Study in Skankocity
1. Danielle Lloyd has been spotted making herself at home with Jermain at the Tottenham players lounge. She’s also been hanging out at his £3 million home – the one he used to share with fiancée, Charlotte Mears.
2. Charlotte was one of the esteemed group featured on the WAGs Boutique, and has written tips on WAG travel for the Home Office. She and Jermaine got engaged in February and rumours started flying about Jermain being unfaithful back in July; the pair split up a few weeks ago.
3. Before hooking up with Jermain, Danielle was seen table dancing and flirting with Jermaine Pennant and Jerome Thomas at a nightclub in London. She then was the recipient of a mini beat down by a random blonde who didn’t like the behaviour.
4. Danielle’s long journey into baller beds began with the geriatric playboy Teddy Sheringham, as Miss Great Britain. Shortly afterwards, she ran her rather bigoted mouth on national television, lost her title and broke up with Teddy about 80 million times in a four month period.
5. During one of the Teddy break up periods, Danielle was out clubbing and began snogging the pants off of Marcus Bent as a ploy to make Teddy jealous. Teddy left the club with several dozen women completely unphased. But, a new relationship was born and many a paparazzi photo of Danielle and Marcus on vacation was snapped/mocked/etc.
6. Marcus is currently dating Gemma Atkinson, whom he also dated briefly a few years ago when he left his long term baby mama for her.
7. Gemma used to date Cristiano Ronaldo but the whole prostitute pool party situ put a damper on things.
8. Gemma was rumoured to have had a dalliance with C-Ron’s team mate, Alan Smith who has a girlfriend.
What conclusions, if any, can be drawn from the love lives of the rich and shameless? Choose your baller wisely, lest your descent into waggery become a terrifying and oft-told urban myth used to inspire A-list wagabees to keep their knickers on and their standards high for generations to come.