April 20th, 2011

Special Delivery: Opening The Kickette Mailbox

Greetings fellow pleasure seekers!

It’s been a busy few weeks at our HQ, with the TTO’s surprising return and yesterday’s call-for-claws Finest Five write-in and all. You nearly sunk our site’s battleship twice, Kickettes, which is both impressive and frightening for our server.

As one small candy-coated token of our appreciation, we’re allowing everyone to have another gander around the inner layers of our mailbox’s lair.

Please apply your best hue of scarlet lippy and plant a wet one on Yoann’s cheek (your choice as to which one) in order to sign for today’s special delivery.

Short on the sticks of lip-smacking goodness? Your mobile number written in permanent marker should suffice.

The self-incriminating note from a ‘reformed’ fan girl:

YouTube Preview Image

Dear Kickette,

I just spotted this on TV. David Beckham has a cameo in a new Diet Pepsi commercial with Sofia Vergara from the American TV show Modern Family….He’s barely in it, actually, and is fully clothed (boo!) but the crowd of screaming girls exactly expresses how I felt when I saw him in a friendly between the LA Galaxy and Real Madrid last summer. He didn’t play, actually, due to his Achilles tendon injury, but you know all Becks has to do to elicit screams is walk across a corner of the pitch. Or appear in a Diet Pepsi commercial.

Tru fax, y’all.

The “Gushy Love Letter” that we save for rainy/fat days:

I know this contact form is supposed to be for issues with the site, or whatever, but I am using it to generally assault you lovely, genius ladies with love instead. I adore your site and feel that it is truly the best of all possible worlds. Sexy ‘ballers + fantastically witty commentary + fashion + gossip + an entire section devoted to the beloved short tents + bona fide football knowledge = you are everything that is right with the internet. Please keep it up and know how bright you always make my day! I will one day repay you when my ‘baller husband and I buy your HQ its very own open bar. <3!

It’s a lot of pressure, but that’s what Kickette is all about: helping others feed their hot footballer addictions.

The “Double Dare Ya” e-mail of enticement:

I noticed that you guys didn’t have anything on one of my favorite MLS players, Robbie Rogers. He’s an absolute babe! Need some proof?

When horn to horn with promises of proof, we try not to let our excitement get the best of our afternoon snacks. We have to give generous kudos to Lily(?) for making good on the teasing, though, since Robbie Rogers has a DailyBooth account that features his Robert Pattinson-like looks and a great glass of Malbec. Mmm…

Oh, and he’s available for public consumption.

Lily, FTW.

The non-worded news notification:


Listen, it’s cool. Gossip and story tips come in all shapes and sizes, just like Caroline’s precious bump. We often take what we can get.

However, to maximise your chances of us reading your e-mail and responding before the end of the decade – without you having to follow up with scorned soliloquies full of nail varnish chipping threats/wishes – it wouldn’t hurt to populate the e-mail window’s subject line and/or body.

Merely a suggestion, that’s all.

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15 Responses to “Special Delivery: Opening The Kickette Mailbox”

  1. O me! what eyes hath love put in my head,
    Which have no correspondence with true sight!
    Or, if they have, where is my judgment fled,
    That censures falsely what they see aright?
    If that be fair whereon my false eyes dote,
    What means the world to say it is not so?
    If it be not, then love doth well denote
    Love's eye is not so true as all men's "no."
    How can it? O, how can love's eye be true,
    That is so vexed with watching and with tears?
    No marvel then though I mistake my view;
    The sun it self sees not, 'till heaven clears.
    O cunning love, with tears thou keep'st me blind,
    Lest eyes well-seeing thy foul faults should find.

  2. pinkimartini says:

    You really have to enjoy the Robbie Rogers daily booth account – a few gems are in there with him shirtless – go look :)

  3. Miki says:

    Sometimes the witty commentary goes on too long and I get confused as to what is happening with a segment I am not familiar with. I have to go over and read it several times and ignore the fluff so I understand the main point. Think Gilmore Girls; when Lorelai and Rory talk but a little more irrelevant. I love the site tho I see every single post, but I think it could be written better. Now I'm going back to do my Fernando Torres blogging!

  4. SoMysterious says:

    Kickette, when is the group site going to be back up???

  5. bri_saldana says:

    awh…"Gushy love letter" made me just about teary-eyed! REALLY! Thanks Kickette, I honestly don't know what I would do with out an intelligible hottie/football outlet. Kudos to all your efforts!

  6. @AgnesWonka says:

    I love this site, but sometimes you're too concerned about Wags, who I don't find very important.
    one question: are you British? because when I discover the site in 2008 I was sure you were, but now I doubt.

  7. nandoalldayeveryday says:

    while your admitting your shortcomings, why not mention the fact that Alvaro Morata has a twitter -___-: https://twitter.com/#!/AlvaroMorata

  8. caquark says:

    Re: the "reformed fan girl". Thanks for the recollection of one of Becks first games for Galaxy. My sis has a great picture of him waving adoringly to us in the stands while he was warming up. At least that's what I tell myself, although I'm sure it was for Posh and his boys up in the box behind us….

  9. Amy says:

    what's weird is that I was sitting in that same corner watching Becks walk across the pitch at the Galaxy/Madrid game. I wonder how closely together we were sitting, letter writer. Small, small world!

    • Johanna says:

      Ah, so you also remember the gray three-piece suit he was wearing as well as I remember it. Or not : ) Small world indeed!

  10. WAG2BE says:

    YOU NEVER RESPONDED TO MY WE SHOULD FORIGVE NANDO EMAIL!!!! I even sent you a picture of him gazing imploringly into your souls and everything!